What in you needs to die so that you can be FREE?

In moments of blissful experiences or painful emotional depth, sometimes I write. I'm not a writer but I write!

Either to celebrate or to heal, I need that intensity. Staying at a surface level for me is more like being emotionally numb. That's just how I know myself... Diving deeper makes me feel more alive than ever. That's how I ravish my soul! 

You may agree that it is somewhat easy to understand why one would celebrate and intensify the blissful moments life offers us once in a while, right?

But... why would someone intensify their pain?

For many many years, I have rejected pain with all my strength until I realised that the healing only happens when I really sit down quietly with that pain.

Well, don't get me wrong! There was nothing silent about those deep painful moments (I screamed and shouted like hell!!!). By quietly I mean to sit and listen to the screaming and the yelling... to hold space for the pain… to sit so quietly that I could even hear my heart weeping.

In that intensity I would just run out of any strength, and I would finally surrender and give in. Only in that moment… that exact moment when I gave in to fighting the pain — that was the moment the healing did begin.

In one of those deep, painful and transformational moments a poem was born as part of the healing process itself. As words were rushing to the paper, I could feel the pain increasing inside. But for me, intensifying the pain is a bit like connecting at a deeper soul level within myself.

The deeper I feel, the deeper I can heal!

As strange as it may seem, making pain so unbearable by intensifying it, that just gives me the rush and the leverage I need to get out of that painful situation faster. That day, the ME I had known for years had to die, so that I could be reborn into a free untethered wild spirit.

Today, I am ready to share that poem with the world.

“She-Wolf

Wounded she-wolf…

Suspicious,
Cautious,
Searching for a safe path
Among the ferocious traps
Of the unknown road called Surrender.

Desperate,
She looks for the healing to her deep wounds.

Unable to hear the whisper of her soul
She takes refuge.

Despair and pain take over her…

Disoriented and confused,
She dives into cutting and ripping pathways
Tearing her off to pieces
Leaving her entire soul
Vulnerably laying in the open sky.

She is shattered into
Small mirrored pieces,
Ruins impossible to recompose.

Everything in her dies!

Her soul weeps and digs deeper,
Nourishing herself
From the stream of her own tears.

May she be reborn now
A strong she-wolf!

May she sprout wise and confident
Pure and wild
Exuberant
No tethers

Free!
”

— Teresa Pimenta

What about you? Do you stay in the pain to heal? How do you go through painful moments? Do you also need this emotional intensity? Write in the comments. I would love to read it!

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Because this was originally written in Portuguese, I share below the original version with all the Portuguese readers. 

Loba

Loba Ferida,
Desconfiada,
Cautelosa,
Procura caminho seguro
Por entre as armadilhas ferozes
Da estrada chamada Entrega.

Desesperada,
Procura a cura para as suas feridas.

Incapaz de ouvir o discurso da sua alma,
Refugia-se!

O desespero e a dor tomam conta dela!

Desorientada,
Mergulha em caminhos dilacerantes
Rasgando-a até à alma.

Desfaz-se
Em pedaços espelhados,
Ruínas impossíveis de recompor.

Toda ela morre!

Sua alma escava bem fundo,
Nutre-se do regato das suas lágrimas.

Que renasça agora
Uma loba forte.
Que brote sábia e confiante
Pura e selvagem.

Exuberante,

Sem amarras,

Livre!

- Teresa Pimenta

A Small Rock & a Life Lesson on SUCCESS

That day, the Spring sun was shining and I felt like going into nature. After driving for 15 minutes, we ended up on the side of the river. People were already sunbathing, kids were playing in the water, dogs were swimming and chasing balls. And we were just stopping by, no bathing suit nor towel... only my deep desire to go and be near the water.

Gui (10) was having fun throwing small rocks into the river, and he soon decided to raise the bar. He went on a mission to take out a hand sized rock that was stuck under the earth.  After a quick look around, he grabbed a tiny nail sized rock, and started digging around the bigger one. He dug for quite some time, and the big rock was getting more and more exposed. I could tell he would be able to grab it and pull it out shortly.

So, there I was, with these thoughts in my head when I hear:

— Mum, I quit!

Life, being a great teacher, was presenting me with an opportunity to teach him something really powerful about life and the challenges it brings us.

And so I tell him:

— After spending so much time digging and putting so much effort on that challenge, are you going to quit now? Did you know that usually when we quit something, we are only 2 millimetres away from achieving our goal? Let's try something! You go back in there, and just keep digging for 2 more minutes, and let's see what happens.

Shortly after, he triumphantly raised the rock, and threw it into the river.

You see, in life it's never the lack of resources that stops you from successfully achieving your goals and making your dreams come true. RESOURCEFULNESS IS THE KEY!

Knowing his outcome, being creative to use that nail sized rock as a digging tool, being persistent, staying consistent and being resilient enough to not give up on his desired outcome — All of it, allowed him to achieve his goal.

We excitedly celebrated his success, rewarding his determination. And do you know what happened next? He dared to dream bigger! He then went for a really big rock, found himself a thick sharpened stick as a tool, and went on a new mission — and this time he didn't even consider giving up.

In life, small successes take us closer to bigger dreams.

When you feel like quitting, usually you are only 2 mm away from succeeding at whatever outcome you are going after. Get really clear on your outcome, become a really resourceful person, and keep on following those dreams of yours!

Actual photo of his mission

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The Question That Shaped My Life

Back in December 2016, I was at Tony Robbins’s six-day seminar in Florida, Date with Destiny and there I had A LOT of breakthroughs (another word for that would be insight). For those of you who have not been to a TR event or haven’t heard much about him, the best thing you can do to understand what he is truly about is to watch the documentary I’m Not Your Guru on Netflix.

One of the countless things I’ve learned from Tony Robbins is that QUESTIONS determine your focus, and what you focus on is what you experience and what you get from life.

So, today I want to tell you about a major aha moment I had with what he calls the PRIMARY QUESTION.

A Primary Question is a dominant question you ask yourself on a consistent basis, and that filters your thinking (conscious and unconscious). It’s a question that pops up constantly across contexts. Even if you aren’t consciously aware of it, you believe that if you live by this question, you will feel ultimate success, pleasure and fulfilment. Your identity is often tied to this question. You experience life through the lenses of it.

Now that you know what a primary question is, let me share with you what MY primary question has been for 44 years.

I have lived my life through the lens of this question — “How can I make this better?”.

For me, life, in all its areas, was always about improving, making better, making more effective, more inspirational, more impactful. I was always looking for ways to make anything, I mean, ANYTHING better.

The magical thing about having a “aha” moment with Tony Robbins is that he always makes sure you find the higher intent behind any of your behaviour / decision / emotion. So, not only was I able to uncover that primary question, but to also see both the benefits and the downsides of it.

As TR also teaches us, first let’s go for the UPSIDES of that. What were the empowering effects that came about for asking that question? What did that question do for me?

Well, here’s what I found out: to consistently ask myself that question, I believed that there’s always a better way; that there’s always space for improvement; that change is needed, and that change is something positive. I learned not to settle, to become more creative and more determined.

And what about the DOWNSIDES? What did that cost me?

I must confess this was a very deep and emotional moment. When I was face to face with the truth of it, I cried as I became aware that I was always too hard on myself, always demanding too much from me; I didn’t enjoy being myself because I was always looking for ways to make ME better, and that means in some moments I was making ME wrong.

I would always try to “fix” others and make them better, as if there was anything wrong with them… Can you imagine how I have made people feel in the past? OMG, so many things I did wrong with my kids and my relationships. It’s a fact that what I did to myself I would do to others. I know I did the best I could with the resources I had but it hurt like hell to think about the pain I caused, especially to my kids.

TR helped me find out WHY I had that as my primary question.

For some reason (well, like I said I had a lot of breakthroughs, so I know the reason, but I’ll tell you about that in another post) I had this belief that if I didn’t make things better, more inspirational, more impactful, etc., people wouldn’t notice me, I would be unseen, which means I would be ignored, which means I would be insignificant, which means I wouldn’t be loved.

What a scary frightened little girl there was living inside of me!

So now, I cherish and nurture that part of me, the scary one, the one looking for love and significance. And I also forgave myself for the pain I caused to my kids.

If we are always looking for ways to make things/people better, we are not allowing space for things/people to be just the way they are.

Many times, WE just want to be loved, THEY just want to be loved, I just want to be loved… unconditionally loved, being imperfectly perfect.

And there are moments that we just need to BE and not DO. After all, are we human beings or human doings?

So… I am so thrilled and excited to share with you my NEW Primary Question –

“How can I appreciate even more the beauty and the perfection of what is in this present moment, trusting that I am always guided?”

Can you imagine how different my life will be having this question as a filtering lens?

Now, I’m curious to know…

What is a question you repeatedly ask yourself? What do you consistently focus on? What question do you ask most often based on this focus?

It’s my deepest wish that this story may help you in some way, and I would love to know what your primary question is. So, please leave your comment below.

And remember, YOU are imperfectly perfect.

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If Fear Was A Pokemon

How do you talk about FEAR to a 9-year-old?

The other day I had to talk about FEAR with my son, and it required me to get creative. I could not definitely talk to him about fear the way I talk to my clients.

Gui came home after school feeling really scared. This was not usual, and so I got curious about it and stayed vigilant. It didn’t take long to find out that another boy from his class had taken a book to school which was about ghosts and horror stories.

Gui was feeling so scared that he didn't even want to walk in the dark areas of the house. So, that evening I decided to join him as he was brushing his teeth before going to bed. I could see fear was really playing a big role that night, and so I asked him, in a very curious tone of voice:

— Gui, if fear was a Pokémon, what Pokémon would it be?

(Let me just add here that I know NOTHING about Pokémons except that he is CRAZY about that!)

He was somewhat surprised by my question, so I repeated it.

— Gastly, mum. (I had to first learn to say the name because he was saying it HIS way)

As I said before, I know nothing about Pokémons but I remembered something that could be really useful. Over the last years there's a word I've been correcting him on, because of the way he pronounces it, and that word is EVOLUTION. So, I knew that Pokémons have evolutions, and that was just what I needed for me to be able to talk to him about FEAR.

After exploring with him a bit of the story of "Gastly", the FEAR Pokémon, he told me its evolution was "Haunter" (a really suitable name, I might say!), and this also had another evolution, called "Gengar". Well, this post is not about Pokémons, but bear with me… there’s a lesson in here.

Now that I had gained his trust, and I was really listening to a subject that he adores (and to which I had never paid attention before), I had won the right and the space to do my own magic.

Does fear start really strong? Does fear evolve into a much stronger version of itself, like pókemons do? SURE! How? By feeding it, believing in it, allowing it to take control over our lives, stopping us from taking action on our dreams, our goals, or whatever it is that we want to do with (or in) our lives.

I heard Tony Robbins say at Unleash the Power Within, "kill the monster before it turns into a F**king Godzilla".

And how do we kill the monster? Taking action! Feel the fear but do it anyway!

So, there I was, putting my boy to sleep, but not before I ask him to pick up the Gameboy (or something of that type that his cousin lent him) and to show me those pókemons. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing… I could almost hear him thinking “my mum wants ME to play, and SHE wants to see it?”

He was so excited to be showing me the game he loves, and which I understand nothing of. And then I ask him:

— Gui, who decides if the Pokémon evolves or not? You or the Pokémon?

— Me, mum!

— If the Pokémon has evolved to its last evolution, who is more powerful? You or the Pokémon?

— Me, mum!

— Who is playing the game? You or the Pokémon?

— Me, mum!

— Who has the power to shut this game off? You or the Pokémon?

— Me, mum!

— The same with FEAR my son! You see it, you feel it but YOU are in charge, YOU are playing the game, not fear. But, like the Pokémons, the more you feed it, the more attention you pay to it, the stronger it will become. We don't want fear to become "Gengar"... we want to deal with fear while it's still "Gastly". And Gastly is an important Pokémon because it keeps you safe, it makes you be watchful as you cross the street, it keeps you away from the fire… so it’s a good thing.

If you could just see the look in his eyes and his face... HE GOT IT! In less than a minute he was smiling, really courageous and empowered to go to a good night sleep, all by himself.

I kiss him goodnight, tell him I love him and as I’m leaving his room…

— Mum, can I change the name of the Pokémon? After all, fear is not that bad.

---

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Have You Loved Yourself Today?

Today I had a breakthrough! I have just experienced with full awareness how subtle this self-love thing can be and I wanted to share it with you! There's a chance that some part of this story may resonate with you, and you can get some value from it.

Last December I made great, awesome and unique friends at Tony Robbins' Date with Destiny in Florida, USA. (For those of you who don't know about Tony Robbins or if you even wonder what that event is about, I would suggest that you watch “I am Not Your Guru” on Netflix)

One of these amazing new friends, a phenomenal woman and so talented artist, Susie Suh, sent me four essential oils all the way from the USA, to help me recover faster from an epigastric hernia surgery.

When the oils arrived, she explained to me what I needed to do to apply them. So, the only thing I needed was to get some carrier oil, like coconut or almond oil (or any other), blend it with some drops of the essential oils, and massage my belly in the area where the hernia used to be.

Guess what?! It has been 6 days since those oils arrived, and I haven’t applied them yet. Why not? “I don’t have carrier oil”, I thought. “When I get it, I’ll do it!” And then I asked myself: “when are you going to buy it?”; “what are you waiting for?”

How come that woman, Susie, used her time and energy to go to the post office and send me those oils, and I wouldn’t take 5 minutes to buy the carrier oil? Did she love me more than I loved myself? This question made me tremble!

Very often, things aren’t what they seem to be. I was hiding behind the excuse that I didn’t have the carrier oil, when in fact the truth is that I was not loving myself nor making myself a priority. Why was that? And that’s when it hit me.

Even though I’ve walked a long path on this healing journey of loving myself, this is a daily process, and I can’t take it for granted or as something I can be distracted from. I need to be present! I need to be mindful, and to remind myself daily to love myself.

Being naïvely distracted from my own self is a recipe for disaster. I need to stand guard at the door of my mind while taking care of my inner garden, otherwise weeds will grow.

In the past, every time I engaged in any behaviour that would make me feel important or loved, even if it was just a glimpse of it, guilt and blame would be running the show: “who the hell do you think you are?”, “what?! Do you think you’re special?”, “what do you think makes you so fucking special?”… and it would go on and on and on…

The truth is that I wanted so badly to be loved ... So I thought I had to stay low, to be less, to play small, and without even knowing it, I was annihilating myself so deeply that my soul started aching.

Because Life is a wonderful teacher, it keeps bringing me all sorts of different situations, so that I understand how important I am, and that there’s nothing wrong about it. Life keeps showing me that there’s no reason to feel guilty for making myself a priority, and for feeling that I am important and that I do matter.

Life keeps showing me that if I think I’m not important, nothing else will ever be.

Every time I neglect my own needs, and every time I don’t love myself, I suffer. And from that suffering place, I judge others, I get angry, I get frustrated, I doubt my own capacities, my own strengths, my own inner power, my own inner voice, my soul, my spirit.

That’s when fear kicks in! That’s when the mind starts to rule my life. That’s when the mind kicks the heart out, and runs over it, shutting its voice, its truth, its wisdom. True Wisdom and True Love live only in the heart, not in the mind!

How can I think anyone else is more important than me, if we are all connected? We are not separate!

It all begins with me and in me!

I need to be the change I want to see in the world, and that’s why I am 100% committed to loving myself, cherishing myself and honouring myself, and that means loving myself unconditionally, with both the shadow and light that live within me.

Fully committed to loving myself so that I can love others, I went to buy the carrier oil and all it took was 5 minutes of my time and 1,14 euros.

What about you? Have you loved yourself today?

Let me know in the comments if this resonates with you at any point. I would love to read it!

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Life After Destroying A Limiting Belief

I'm having a BOLDNESS HANGOVER today!

This is LIFE after DESTROYING a LIMITING BELIEF!

Have you ever done something totally out of anything you would ever imagine you could do, and then afterwards you go and think "I can't believe what I just did!"? Well, that's me today!

For you to understand why this was so out of what I thought was possible for me to do, last April I went to London to one of Tony Robbins' events called Unleash the Power Within (UPW), and there we worked around 2 or 3 limiting beliefs.

Well, one of those limiting beliefs was — "Nothing of what I say has any value".

I need to let you know that I needed to check the handbook of the event because an exercise TR does (I'll tell you this story some other time!), just destroyed it completely, and I couldn't access it in my brain.

Well, guess what? Life does change when you destroy your limiting beliefs! Yesterday evening I was on a webinar being interviewed by a fellow firewalker Ben Colley, with the purpose to inspire other women. Yesterday I SPOKE UP and there were people who wanted to listen to me and my story. I am now free!

And I also realise now that our story is not ours to keep, otherwise it won't serve anyone in this world.

It was quite a raw, open and authentic interview!

Just know and be certain that once a limiting belief is destroyed, your LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN! 

Tony Robbins, Amen!

BE AUTHENTIC! 

You can watch the interview here