Healing The People Pleaser

What's the scariest thing for me as a people pleaser in recovery, who was always told to shut the fuck up?

SPEAK THE F*CK UP!

SHOW THE F*CK UP!

DARE to be fully seen in my VULNERABILITY and show up AUTHENTIC!

Having dared to step outside my comfort zone and show up doing a Facebook Live in the Tribe I created, was at the time a HUGE STEP! Still, I can see how I keep hiding behind the safety of a special place and being selective about who sees what.

I realise how many "gates" I can actually create for the world to see me. (That's how sneaky this can get!) There comes a time when I realise that I am half-daring and half-showing up. And there’s actually nothing wrong with that. It’s just that TODAY I feel like it’s time, and just for today, I want there to be no gates whatsoever.

Again, this is a huge step forward in facing the FEAR of being fully AUTHENTIC. You know, the fear will always be there and that’s one of the reasons practising daring and showing up is so crucial to me. I have tasted far too deep how crippling this fear is and can be if I let it control my life. There’s always a big fear of what my family will think or say about me, crying in a video out into the public. Chances are they’ll think I’m crazy! But you know what?!

I’m NOT CRAZY!!! I AM READY!!!! I AM FUCKING READY!!!

Do I really need to be seen? To be honest, I have no damn clue! But for me, this is where fear has been showing up big time and I know this is my free pass for the highway to freedom.

So, today I am sharing with all of you a behind the scenes (RAW & MESSY) of what happened inside that tribe of women a while back, where I held space for all the judgement, anger, frustration towards the people pleaser in me and it was only after this episode that I was able to finally ACCEPT and ACKNOWLEDGE that part of me.

Right now, the fearful side of me is in my head, doing everything it can, to have me post something else rather than this. To be totally honest, it´s been over 2 hours since I started this article.

It seems that there's this wave of authenticity and vulnerability showing up in the world and I can see how it can be easy to start rolling our eyes at that. And that's exactly the monologue the ego is having in my head right now: "Are you really going to write about that authenticity stuff, AGAIN? People are fed up with that!"

Oh yes baby, I am! Watch me! I won't be held prisoner today! It may happen tomorrow, but NOT today!

Doing this video allowed me to tap into unknown parts of myself and to learn that I can actually hold space for the WHOLENESS of me.

I don’t know a lot of stuff, but I KNOW THIS:

- I know for sure that HIDING in FEAR is no longer serving me and only stepping into this authentic & unfiltered experience of myself will I end up knowing myself deeply and truly.

- I know in my bones that authenticity will set me FREE and the more I dare into it, the more I TRUST myself!

- And I know in my bones that the more I TRUST myself, the more POWERFUL I'll be to have the GUTS to be willing to FIERCELY go beyond personal identity.

I don't want personal power to be rich! I don't want personal power to be famous! I don't want personal power to impact millions! I want personal power to set myself free.

I am thirsty and starving for FREEDOM baby!

That's my legacy! That's the impact I want to have in this world!

Being part of this world, I can no longer hide in the false modesty that “I am not important” or that “I don't matter”. This shit ain't about me only! What the fuck is all this talk about "not enoughness" or "too muchness" doing for me or for the world?

Being part of this world, it's my responsibility to set myself free from the cage of fear and step into BOLDNESS!

Being part of this world, it's my responsibility to step away from the selfishness of ego that wants to make this all about me and keep hiding myself in my little world, in a small town, in a tiny country called Portugal.

Being part of this world, it's my duty to share this I AMNESS with all of you! And those who resonate, will vibrate along with me.

In the meantime, I am RECOMMITTING to my own commitment:

1 - SPEAK UP about my feelings;

2 - HONOUR my emotions has a manifestation of my HUMAN EXPERIENCE;

3 - CREATE SPACE to whatever may be showing up in my life, either in my inner or outer world;

4 - NURTURE my childlike CURIOSITY;

5 - DARE to be 5% MORE AUTHENTIC every step of the way until it becomes who I am (and if it doesn't, be ok with that too);

6 - LOVE MYSELF, treat myself with KINDNESS and COMPASSION (no different from what I would do to a puppy or a baby).

We're in for an AWESOME COSMIC RIDE people!

Bless you all

<3

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Set Yourself Free

It’s Autumn but it doesn’t really feel like it. The weather is really hot, the sun is shining bright and it feels like a summer day. So, what better thing to do on a summer-not-so-autumn day than to head to the seaside?!
 

That’s exactly what I did yesterday. There I was at the beach with my kid, and there’s no one to be seen. My favourite days to visit the beach. Pure bliss! I am there, soaking up on the beauty of the sea, losing myself in the vastness of the space in front of me, and blissfully enjoying the smell of the salty water… and all of a sudden I notice this fence right in front of me.

I hadn’t seen it before. I had not realised it was there. What could have drawn my attention to it? I worried about my kid falling. So, when fear kicked in, I looked for safety, for security and that’s when I saw the fence. (which is totally fine)

But there is something peculiar about this fence... It is being put together by rope wrapped around it … it looked so fragile…

The actual fence!

You know, in the past I would have given in to fear, and completely forget about the wonderful sight, with the sea and the sky meeting each other. But not yesterday!

And I wondered… How many times do we feel like we are on the edge of something extraordinarily different and exciting, and then fear makes us look for security, distracting us and holding us back from?

How many times we feel something is about to shift in our life, we’re excited about it, and because of fear we HOLD ON to fences that are so freaking unstable?

How many times do we dare so little, holding on to fences which are so weak that wouldn't be able to hold you if you were to lean onto them?

How many times do we hold on to fences that really don't serve us anymore? Fences we keep fixing… we keep mending… out of fear!

There comes a day that the fence that once kept us safe, will now keep us trapped inside.

It may give us the illusion that being behind the fence is much better, much safer… but that’s just it – an illusion!

I remember the day I received my last paycheck from school with ZERO euros on it. I had quit my job as a teacher after 24 years. There was not much of a plan except to keep moving and showing up for what I am really passionate about.

That day I was freaking out! Fear kept shouting at me:

— What the f*ck are you doing with your life?

And for 12 hours in a row I played the same song, over and over again (UNSTOPPABLE by Sia). I listened to it, and I sang for hours and hours straight. My hands were sweating; my heart was beating so fast. Luckily it’s blood because if it was milk, it would have turned into butter! OMG!!! I was really freaking out, but I was not going back!

That day I made sure I surrounded myself with an empowering group of people. I remember one particular person telling me:

— Awesome! Now you can shoot for the stars. The sky is the limit!

That was it!!!! There was no more fence. No more hiding, and no more playing small. I had removed the fence, and now there were no more limits. No more mending or fixing the fence, finding excuses to it, postponing decisions, blaming others and complaining about it…

I had jumped and now, all I had to do was to keep on flying and soar!

The summer-not-so-autumn Sunday...

So, I wonder…

Is there a fence you are holding on to that doesn’t serve you anymore? Is there a fence you keep on mending and fixing?

What would it look like if you jumped? How exciting would your life be if you took the leap and started to fly? What would be possible for you without the fence? How exciting would your life be if you remembered that you are actually a free being capable of achieving every dream you dream?

Share your fences in the comments! I would love to read about them.

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Are You A Prisoner Of Worry?

Many times we let ourselves be caught in the depression of an illusion.

Many times we are worried or sad about something that has not even happened yet, and may well never do. Yet, because we get trapped inside our heads, listening to the thoughts and to the story around them, we get caught into living an illusion.

While trapped in that hallucinating world, we are missing out on our present moment, our reality. We miss out on living our real life for the exchange of our imaginary hallucinating one. Have you ever thought about that?

Well, while you are living that hallucinating imaginary life, who is really living your actual life?

And while you are living that hallucinating imaginary life, who are you leaving behind?

And while you are living that hallucinating imaginary life, what and who are you missing out?

And while you are living that hallucinating imaginary life, what are you really not living?

Budha once said "your problem is that you think you have time".

WE NEED TO REMEMBER OUR MORTALITY!

Here's a poem I wrote just last week while experiencing this specific situation in my own life.

“THOUGHTS ARE THIEVES

A Spring evening
You & I
Together…

I’m there,
You’re not!
My eyes see you
yet my soul feels you not.

You’re trapped inside your head
Locked in that cage
Believing your thoughts...
Hallucinating.

Nothing but a story those thoughts tell you,
Nothing but a lie,
Nothing but an illusion…
Still, so real to you!

The possibility of pain
Becomes pain itself.

Thoughts are thieves
Stealing you from your real life
Stealing you from me
Keeping you locked
Inside that hallucinating world.

Thoughts make you think you have time.
Thoughts don’t die.
We do!

”

— Teresa Pimenta

What about you? Do you find yourself being stolen and taken away by your thoughts? I would love to hear from you. Share in the comments!

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What in you needs to die so that you can be FREE?

In moments of blissful experiences or painful emotional depth, sometimes I write. I'm not a writer but I write!

Either to celebrate or to heal, I need that intensity. Staying at a surface level for me is more like being emotionally numb. That's just how I know myself... Diving deeper makes me feel more alive than ever. That's how I ravish my soul! 

You may agree that it is somewhat easy to understand why one would celebrate and intensify the blissful moments life offers us once in a while, right?

But... why would someone intensify their pain?

For many many years, I have rejected pain with all my strength until I realised that the healing only happens when I really sit down quietly with that pain.

Well, don't get me wrong! There was nothing silent about those deep painful moments (I screamed and shouted like hell!!!). By quietly I mean to sit and listen to the screaming and the yelling... to hold space for the pain… to sit so quietly that I could even hear my heart weeping.

In that intensity I would just run out of any strength, and I would finally surrender and give in. Only in that moment… that exact moment when I gave in to fighting the pain — that was the moment the healing did begin.

In one of those deep, painful and transformational moments a poem was born as part of the healing process itself. As words were rushing to the paper, I could feel the pain increasing inside. But for me, intensifying the pain is a bit like connecting at a deeper soul level within myself.

The deeper I feel, the deeper I can heal!

As strange as it may seem, making pain so unbearable by intensifying it, that just gives me the rush and the leverage I need to get out of that painful situation faster. That day, the ME I had known for years had to die, so that I could be reborn into a free untethered wild spirit.

Today, I am ready to share that poem with the world.

“She-Wolf

Wounded she-wolf…

Suspicious,
Cautious,
Searching for a safe path
Among the ferocious traps
Of the unknown road called Surrender.

Desperate,
She looks for the healing to her deep wounds.

Unable to hear the whisper of her soul
She takes refuge.

Despair and pain take over her…

Disoriented and confused,
She dives into cutting and ripping pathways
Tearing her off to pieces
Leaving her entire soul
Vulnerably laying in the open sky.

She is shattered into
Small mirrored pieces,
Ruins impossible to recompose.

Everything in her dies!

Her soul weeps and digs deeper,
Nourishing herself
From the stream of her own tears.

May she be reborn now
A strong she-wolf!

May she sprout wise and confident
Pure and wild
Exuberant
No tethers

Free!
”

— Teresa Pimenta

What about you? Do you stay in the pain to heal? How do you go through painful moments? Do you also need this emotional intensity? Write in the comments. I would love to read it!

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Because this was originally written in Portuguese, I share below the original version with all the Portuguese readers. 

Loba

Loba Ferida,
Desconfiada,
Cautelosa,
Procura caminho seguro
Por entre as armadilhas ferozes
Da estrada chamada Entrega.

Desesperada,
Procura a cura para as suas feridas.

Incapaz de ouvir o discurso da sua alma,
Refugia-se!

O desespero e a dor tomam conta dela!

Desorientada,
Mergulha em caminhos dilacerantes
Rasgando-a até à alma.

Desfaz-se
Em pedaços espelhados,
Ruínas impossíveis de recompor.

Toda ela morre!

Sua alma escava bem fundo,
Nutre-se do regato das suas lágrimas.

Que renasça agora
Uma loba forte.
Que brote sábia e confiante
Pura e selvagem.

Exuberante,

Sem amarras,

Livre!

- Teresa Pimenta