Stop beating yourself up!

If you're going through some hardships, or maybe you're beating yourself up over something, this is for you!

About three years ago I was going through some TOUGH sh*t in my personal life and at the time I was part of an amazing supportive badass program/group created and led by the amazing Jason Goldberg.

I remember one particular day being quite tough and I was looking for a way to be able to come out of a state that wasn't serving me.

I had the strategies and the tools. I had the know-how but I was stuck and kept resisting shifting into a more playful approach to the issue. Sounds familiar?

And then, my dear friend Jennifer dropped this mic-drop-mind-blowing wisdom bomb comment:

"Ooopps, If you played with this then you'd have to forgive yourself and give yourself a break. Then what might your life be like?"

That comment shifted everything for me!

So, my friend... where in your life are you taking yourSelf so seriously?

Where in your life are you being so hard on yourSelf, causing you to hold yourSelf back?

Where in your life are you judging yourSelf so hard, causing you to play small in your birthright to being awesomely happy?

What would be possible for you if you would actually step up and dared to LOVE the sh*t out of yourSelf?

#DareToLoveTheShitOutOfYourSelf

©Teresa Pimenta

How I Reclaimed My Power Back

Let's talk about A N G E R  !

Before we jump right in, have you noticed how similar this word is to dANGER?!

Just like with F.e.a.r, I used to have a very intimate relationship with  A N G E R.

Oh my... oh my... That sh*t was serious! 💥 💣

You know, People Pleasers are very ANGRY and so are tons of WOMEN!
Women are angry and have never been allowed to express their anger. So we've learned to judge it & then judge OURSELVES for feeling it!

Now, here's the thing! That sh*t will have to come out at one point or another and that's when it gets really, I mean REALLY ugly! So then we JUDGE ourselves even HARDER!

How did I transform all that anger?

Well, for me Tog Chod was the key! Tog Chod is the practice you can see in the video, created by my Tibetan Buddhist Lama Tulku Lobsang.

This practise was like water to the driest and thirstiest plant — I was dying to get my hands on that sword ⚔️ and f*cking express all the anger I felt inside!

And I did! I F*CKING DID IT!💪

I killed so many monsters during tons of hours of practise. Forget about RECLAIMING my voice! At the time I wanted to f*cking ROAR! 🔥

ROAR b*tch, ROAR! 🦁🦁🦁

Whether or not you have access to this practise or any other, the point is that you need to Honour and allow yourself to Express your anger in a safe way. If you've been stuffing it down, shutting your voice, not speaking your truth and you know you're f*cking angry, I do know I can help you RIGHT NOW!

If this resonates somewhere within your being then you and I should have a conversation.

And, in case nobody told you today… or recently… or ever...

You sure are entitled to be ANGRY!

Sending Love,

Teresa

#AngerIsToBeHonoured #ExpressYourself #SelfAcceptance#ReclaimYourPower
 #AuthenticityIsTheNewBlack 

Healing The People Pleaser

What's the scariest thing for me as a people pleaser in recovery, who was always told to shut the fuck up?

SPEAK THE F*CK UP!

SHOW THE F*CK UP!

DARE to be fully seen in my VULNERABILITY and show up AUTHENTIC!

Having dared to step outside my comfort zone and show up doing a Facebook Live in the Tribe I created, was at the time a HUGE STEP! Still, I can see how I keep hiding behind the safety of a special place and being selective about who sees what.

I realise how many "gates" I can actually create for the world to see me. (That's how sneaky this can get!) There comes a time when I realise that I am half-daring and half-showing up. And there’s actually nothing wrong with that. It’s just that TODAY I feel like it’s time, and just for today, I want there to be no gates whatsoever.

Again, this is a huge step forward in facing the FEAR of being fully AUTHENTIC. You know, the fear will always be there and that’s one of the reasons practising daring and showing up is so crucial to me. I have tasted far too deep how crippling this fear is and can be if I let it control my life. There’s always a big fear of what my family will think or say about me, crying in a video out into the public. Chances are they’ll think I’m crazy! But you know what?!

I’m NOT CRAZY!!! I AM READY!!!! I AM FUCKING READY!!!

Do I really need to be seen? To be honest, I have no damn clue! But for me, this is where fear has been showing up big time and I know this is my free pass for the highway to freedom.

So, today I am sharing with all of you a behind the scenes (RAW & MESSY) of what happened inside that tribe of women a while back, where I held space for all the judgement, anger, frustration towards the people pleaser in me and it was only after this episode that I was able to finally ACCEPT and ACKNOWLEDGE that part of me.

Right now, the fearful side of me is in my head, doing everything it can, to have me post something else rather than this. To be totally honest, it´s been over 2 hours since I started this article.

It seems that there's this wave of authenticity and vulnerability showing up in the world and I can see how it can be easy to start rolling our eyes at that. And that's exactly the monologue the ego is having in my head right now: "Are you really going to write about that authenticity stuff, AGAIN? People are fed up with that!"

Oh yes baby, I am! Watch me! I won't be held prisoner today! It may happen tomorrow, but NOT today!

Doing this video allowed me to tap into unknown parts of myself and to learn that I can actually hold space for the WHOLENESS of me.

I don’t know a lot of stuff, but I KNOW THIS:

- I know for sure that HIDING in FEAR is no longer serving me and only stepping into this authentic & unfiltered experience of myself will I end up knowing myself deeply and truly.

- I know in my bones that authenticity will set me FREE and the more I dare into it, the more I TRUST myself!

- And I know in my bones that the more I TRUST myself, the more POWERFUL I'll be to have the GUTS to be willing to FIERCELY go beyond personal identity.

I don't want personal power to be rich! I don't want personal power to be famous! I don't want personal power to impact millions! I want personal power to set myself free.

I am thirsty and starving for FREEDOM baby!

That's my legacy! That's the impact I want to have in this world!

Being part of this world, I can no longer hide in the false modesty that “I am not important” or that “I don't matter”. This shit ain't about me only! What the fuck is all this talk about "not enoughness" or "too muchness" doing for me or for the world?

Being part of this world, it's my responsibility to set myself free from the cage of fear and step into BOLDNESS!

Being part of this world, it's my responsibility to step away from the selfishness of ego that wants to make this all about me and keep hiding myself in my little world, in a small town, in a tiny country called Portugal.

Being part of this world, it's my duty to share this I AMNESS with all of you! And those who resonate, will vibrate along with me.

In the meantime, I am RECOMMITTING to my own commitment:

1 - SPEAK UP about my feelings;

2 - HONOUR my emotions has a manifestation of my HUMAN EXPERIENCE;

3 - CREATE SPACE to whatever may be showing up in my life, either in my inner or outer world;

4 - NURTURE my childlike CURIOSITY;

5 - DARE to be 5% MORE AUTHENTIC every step of the way until it becomes who I am (and if it doesn't, be ok with that too);

6 - LOVE MYSELF, treat myself with KINDNESS and COMPASSION (no different from what I would do to a puppy or a baby).

We're in for an AWESOME COSMIC RIDE people!

Bless you all

<3

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No More Body Shame

It doesn’t matter how others see you. In the end what really matters is how you see yourself. It doesn’t matter how beautiful, intelligent or attractive others may find you. If you don’t see it or feel it yourself, in the end it is meaningless.

Once, in a retreat with my Buddhist Lama he asked “is the beauty in the flower or is the beauty in you?” I have been feeling into this for quite a while, and I have been seeing how the image and judgement I hold of myself actually conditions my experience of others and the world. That’s such a debilitating filter to have!

I have always struggled with body image and weight issues, and I’ve always judged myself really hard on that. No matter how many times my former partners would tell me I was beautiful, sexy, sensual… I have always struggled to take that in!

“How could they be so blind?”, I used to think. And many times, those compliments used to piss me off, because I was forced to sit with my own lack of self-love, and I silently hated them for that. It was right there, crystal clear on my face… them… holding the mirror for me.

Beach pictures?! OMG! Those were always a nightmare. And if I ever dared to have one or another taken, I couldn’t put my eyes on them afterwards.

Last weekend was no exception. But this time, a more pure and authentic love was holding the mirror, and I could do nothing else but SURRENDER… I mean, if I am actually REAL about this healing journey, which I am!

There we were, me and my 11-year-old kid, absolutely stunned by the beauty of the river, the blue sky, the warmth of winter sun, the boats, the seagulls, the sound of the distant stormy sea, kids laughing and playing… BLISS!

Usually I’m always the one behind the camera capturing these moments, and having a blast while doing it. Very occasionally I dare to ask to be photographed, and last Saturday I did it. I have no idea what I was expecting to see in those pictures but without any surprise to me, I didn’t like them.

I kept looking at those pictures, and I kept witnessing a cascade of judgmental thoughts rushing through my mind as I stared and stared… I kept staring and I began to crop them. Would I be able to find a way to be in those photos without “ruining” them? If I kept my upper body only, maybe that should do it. Shit! Maybe not!

And I found myself focusing on how much weight I have put on, how my belly stood out, how my comfy cotton yoga bra didn’t make my titties look sexy… and the list went on and on.

Why couldn’t the pictures be as beautiful as I wanted them to be? Why the fuck couldn’t I fit into the beauty that was all around me? How come I had so much beauty inside to be able to see the world as beautiful, but I couldn’t see myself the same way?

And then… his sweet wise voice stopped me in my tracks! As he peeks over my shoulder to see what I was doing, he says: “Why are you cropping them? You’re ruining the pictures!”

OMG!!! He is so right! What am I teaching him with this behaviour? Can’t I just fully accept myself as I am RIGHT NOW? I am 46… when will that happen?!

And so I stopped! The cropping wasn’t saving either the pictures or me. Where else in life have I been cropping parts of myself?

Let’s own this shit, Teresa! What do you want your kid to grow up learning? Do you want your kid to grow up not loving himself or his body? Oh yes… I have also judged his body too. Not verbally! Not out loud! But I have silently judged his little belly that tends to show up too.

This has been on my mind since last Saturday, and this morning, as I woke up and was getting ready for my yoga practice, I decided I would take some time to honour my body and hide no more. How fucking powerful is this body?! It was built to last. The scars are also proof of that!

My body has endured generating and giving life to two human beings, bringing them into the world through two painful and invasive caesareans. It has gone through the trauma of an epigastric hernia surgery… And what about all the unexpressed stuffed emotions it has had to deal with, for ages? And what about all the anger trapped inside? What about all the judgement, and making her look less than beautiful and perfect just the way she is? What about all the bad food choices and lack of exercise?

It’s because of this powerful body that I am allowed to FEEL DEEPLY!

As I stood there, honouring my body, pouring love into my cells, my skin, my bones and my flesh, I dared to SEE myself, as I asked for forgiveness.

And what I saw was BEAUTIFUL!

I could fool myself into believing that I was being fully authentic and honouring my body, by admitting the cropping of the pictures, and showing you an original one below (the only one that survived my frustration!). That surely would have been a big step too!

But you know what'? I’ve had enough of this bullshit of body shaming myself!

So, knowing how creatively skillful I have become at deceiving myself, after years of people pleasing, I want to DIVE right into the fear of being FULLY SEEN. Daring to dance with fear one more time, I want to step up my game, and be COURAGEOUS to do what scares me right now. I want to shine a bright light on my body. I want to shine a light on SHAME, that feeds off hiding and staying in the shadow.

My journey of honouring and loving my body starts today. And odds are that the true healing begins too.

If it was easy, SELF-LOVE wouldn’t be a REVOLUTIONARY act!

Here’s to the Self-Love Revolution!

#HonourEveryBitOfYourProcess #EveryLittleStepMatters #SelfLoveRevolution #NoMoreBodyShame

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Loving Soulful Code Of Conduct

I am a big fan of Iyanla Vanzant’s work which has stirred things up quite a bit for me. I have grown so much from reading her books and doing the work she invites us in.

At the moment I am working through her book “In The Meantime” and I have been doing deep inner work with it.

There’s a section in the book which she refers to as the “Loving Behaviour Reference” that I would like to share here with you. At a first glance it may seem just another list but if you take the time to sit with it, you may come to realise that this is QUITE a CHALLENGING list.

For me, I see it and I feel it as being more of a Loving Soulful Code Of Conduct.

Here it is, quoting her:


♥ Ask for exactly what you want.

♥ Tell the absolute truth about what you want.

♥ Clearly let others involved know your expectations of them.

♥ Ask for clarity about what is expected of you.

♥ Tell the absolute truth about your ability to live up to the expectations of others.

♥ Renegotiate any agreements you have made if you find that you’re unable to keep the agreement.

♥ Honor what you feel, first to yourself, then to others around you.

♥ Remain open to hearing what others want and expect without feeling you have to do anything about it.

♥ Never dishonor or deny yourself or what you feel simply to please someone else.

♥ Be willing to surrender (give up) what you want or expect when surrendering it serves a greater purpose, such as healing or generating more love.

♥ Be willing to forgive people for the things they do or fail to do in fear or anger.

♥ Be willing to forgive yourself for the things you do in fear or in anger.

♥ Bless every experience and ask that Divine will and understanding be granted to you and others.

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Surrender Into Trust

It was December 2016, and I had just come back from a mind-blowing, life-changing and earth shattering 6-day event called Date with Destiny, with Tony Robbins, in Florida.

I arrived in Florida with FREEDOM as my top value, and I came home having FAITH at the top of my list. This was very unfamiliar to me, and I had no idea how that would play out in my life, but I was willing to go for it. I knew that the things that came up for me in that event, came from a deeper place within myself… one that only then was I starting to navigate and explore.

Because a lot was happening in my life at the time, with many challenges and changes taking place, even if it was for just this one time, I was willing to pay the price to honour a deeper truth in me.

Being someone who feels deeply called to serve, in that event I made the decision to embrace a very specific role. I am talking about my role as God’s Puppet. That’s right… God’s Puppet! After all, this life is God’s show, right? And by God, I mean Source, Consciousness, Universe, Spirit… (feel free to choose a word that works for you).  

Let me just start by saying that, when I first deeply felt the calling into that role, the ego in me hated it. It totally hated it! I mean, it REALLY hated it, and went on a hysterical rant: “What do you mean god’s puppet?”; “Who the hell wants to be a puppet?”; “OMG, that’s such a loser role to have in life!”; “You’ll never be free, as you so much desire”…

Would I dare to trust my own intuition?
Yes, I would! And … Yes, I did!

I also have to say that, when I decided I would embrace that role, and that I was willing to “play along” with it, I knew nothing about what it meant. I honestly had no clue whatsoever. I really didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I only knew it felt right! It felt so right, and so damn scary, at the same time.

At the time, I wasn’t aware that I would have to get out of my own way many times (if not most of the times). And by “I”, I mean the ego part of me that was so damn unpleased with my decision. But, again… what else was there to expect, considering the ego’s resistance, right?

The ego kept bugging me for quite a long time, wanting me to believe that the role of God’s Puppet was the opposite of what I really wanted. It kept telling me a bunch of stories, of how it was a weak place to be, and how it was a role for losers. Well, it may seem so, and I can see how me surrendering into that idea, actually meant the weakening of the ego.

Embodying the role of God’s Puppet isn’t a piece of cake. Not at all!!! I can now see how challenging it is. So, what is this role about? What does it mean to be God’s Puppet? After two years embracing this role, here’s what I can say…

Being God’s Puppet means showing up fully open to whatever this Higher Intelligence is trying to weave through me, surrendering to whatever Spirit is trying to make happen through me.

Being God’s Puppet means accepting, not resisting, relaxing, ALLOWING. It means being ok with not knowing, being present in the now, being willing to make mistakes. It means being ok with resisting, and fall off track at being God’s Puppet (if that’s even ever possible).

It means being compassionate with myself and others. It means daring to have childlike faith and curiosity again, allowing myself to be surprised. It means practising accepting, and being familiar with change.

Being God’s Puppet means that I am strengthening the belief that everything is already perfect. It means to be willing to let the stories and ideas about myself disappear.

It means I am willing to let the illusion of who I think I am die!

I become aware of the ego’s panic attacks, as I surrender more and more into being fully guided, and allow myself to be in awe at the perfection and wonders of this mysterious and abundant universe we live in.

Can you imagine what a show it would be if I decided I wanted to walk, and God had planning some dancing for me? That would be a very funny disastrous show to watch, don’t you think so?

And the issue is not so much about the disastrous show, that we could all laugh about. (After all, laughing is such a great medicine!) It’s more about how much effort I would really be putting at walking, having God moving me to dance. That would be like swimming up the stream, instead of allowing the stream to take me.

Well, I believe that’s what happens with us many times, when we resist whatever is that life is bringing our way. That’s what happens every time we insist on creating goals that really don’t serve us, or don’t align with our truth, and really limit us to walking, instead of dancing.

So, where are you resisting life?

Me at Date with Destiny (Florida, US) as I was moving towards this decision.

What if messing up is succeeding?

If you are any little bit like me, my guess is that you find yourself over and over again coming back to a place you thought you had already mastered, and you wouldn’t be messing up that one again. It can be a relationship, body issues, eating habits… actually it can be anything. And then you beat yourself up, and get caught in the net of the unproductive “why can’t I” will-take-you-nowhere mantra.

Does this ever happen to you? I know it does happen to me.

In life, many many times we don't get things right, either on the 1st round, or the 2nd or even the 3rd or ... (ok, enough! You know what I mean, right?!). We mess up and we mess up like pros! Or maybe not!!!!

What if we aren’t really messing up? What if we are indeed succeeding?

Life is like flying an airplane. Did you know that a plane is off course over 90% of the time? Due to weather conditions, turbulence, and other factors, it gets off track, and it is the pilot who makes course corrections and keeps coming back to the flight plan, bringing the plane back on course. The same happens with our lives.

If we see every instant of life as an opportunity to grow, instead of beating ourselves up thinking we failed; if we see every challenge life throws at us as a chance to upgrade ourselves, instead of dumping a whole bunch of shitty judgements all over ourselves; if we can take a setback as a moment to make course corrections when we find ourselves off track, then we may discover that life is not about Balance but instead, it is about BALANCING.

Life is dynamic, not static. Life is change, not permanence. Life is a VERB, not a noun.  

This version of me wouldn't be possible without the former version of me. And neither of them is better or worse than the other... They build on each other, as we step into the greater version of ourselves, as we remove the excess of the marble until the final masterpiece we already are is revealed to us.

We are not a masterpiece in the making. We are a masterpiece in the unfolding!

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I Pray, I Meditate, I do Yoga and I say F*ck

I remember when I started doing yoga and meditating, sometimes he would come to me and say:

— So much yoga and meditation, and after all you're still... (fill in with a judgement).

You know, it wasn't about him. That had everything to do with ME.

I was the one who secretly and silently would go over judging myself hard. I was always on trial, and I got to be the judge and the defendant.

I was the one blaming MYSELF for doing all those things, and still feeling I was failing. You see, I knew I wasn't perfect but I thought I had to become such! I thought that all those Buddhist practices and retreats, and Tony Robbins seminars and all the MindValley’s courses would turn me into a perfect person.

The day I knew that was WAY FAR from being the purpose of this, things started to shift massively, and I signed myself up for the most AUTHENTIC and LOVING adventure I could never have imagined enrolling myself into — one of SELF-LOVE and SELF-ACCEPTANCE!

Well, it took us many tries, many falls and many knee injuries to learn to master the science of walking, right? So, why take ourselves so seriously, and be so harsh on ourselves in this adventure of being a human being? 

Yes, I pray!

Yes, I meditate!

Yes, I do yoga!

And yes, I say F*ck (boy, it felt good writing this!) and I can be (and I am!) a b*tch sometimes!

And isn't it wonderful that ... ( I got interrupted by the ego: “Hold it right there, lady!!!! Stop right there!!! Don't do it!! Don't you dare saying it!!!" )

As I was saying... and isn't it wonderful that I get to experience such a vast variety of states and emotions?!

(The ego again: “Hey b*tch, what did you just say?! WTF?? Did I just see you admit the possibility of enjoying all this human experience??!! That's it folks, she is losing it! Can someone get her a lifejacket, please?”)

  — Love you too, ego.

Back to what I was saying… Does that mean I like all of them? Does that mean I like being sad, or anxious, or angry? HELL NO!!! But can I just become curious and amazed at the fact that I am capable of experiencing so many different emotions?

Do you know what happened when I began to ask myself this question?

This curiosity has opened up space for me to start relaxing in the fight I used to engage in while resisting those “negative” emotions, and I am beginning to accept and acknowledge them more and more.

Can you imagine if you would press MUTE in the judge headquarters loudspeaker?

I wonder what that would do for you and what that could change in your life! 

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Cover Photo Credit: Inspiring Badass Kim Bao