How to Set Boundaries

Having trouble setting boundaries? If you have any trouble setting boundaries, know that you are not alone. They are hard for all of us and if you were born (like me) with the tendency to please everyone around you, it gets even harder.

Setting boundaries is huge for people pleasers!!! Anticipating an emotional reaction to our boundaries is a struggle and it can be overwhelming for people like me, who feel deep.

Some years ago, I recall a friend who I consider a boundaries queen (she nails that sh*t like a pro!) asking me what I found so difficult about putting a boundary in place. At the time, the only thing I could tell her was how it actually felt in my body. See if you can relate to what I told her that day:

— Imagine you haven’t been to the gym in years, you now weigh 150kg and you have to run on the treadmill for 30 minutes… imagine how that would feel… Well, I’d still rather go on that treadmill than setting a boundary to which I am expecting an emotional reaction.

She had no idea that it was that hard!

But let me share with you that, like everything in life, the more you practise, the better you get at doing it. Remember... Every time you draw a boundary, you show yourself a little more love.

And here’s a free hack — when you do set a boundary, make sure to shake that booty and celebrate. That's how you rewire your nervous system to want to do it again.

Here's what you need to know — Your boundaries are YOUR responsibility! You need to know them and communicate them. Setting boundaries IS your job! What IS NOT your job is to manage people's reaction to your boundary!!! Their emotional reaction is theirs and it’s not yours to manage.

Here's some hacks on setting a boundary:

1. Once you're clear about the boundary, you need to set it in place and communicate it in a SIMPLE way. Simple is key here. The more we go about giving way too much information, we’re creating space for the possibility to fail in following through with it.

2. You do not need to explain yourself.

3. You do not need to apologize for it.

4. Be prepared and expect an emotional reaction. If you prepare yourself for there to be a reaction, then it’s easier to simply let it come. And please, don't make it about you, because it is not. It’s THEIR reaction. Breathe through their reaction and repeat to yourself: "This is not my responsibility. It's not my job to manage their feelings".

5. Be prepared for the possibility of your own self-judgment talk to creep in afterwards. It’s normal if it does. After all, this thing of setting boundaries is a challenge and we’re still practising putting them in place. If (or when) that inner critic shows up, stay present to it, show those thoughts your love and remember that you don’t have to believe them. Remember that you’re not your thoughts. Give yourself a lot of Love and compassion if (or when) the self-judgment talk creeps in. It will get easier with time and practise.

And please, remember... it's not so much that you are saying "no" to others, but that you are saying YES to yourself.

What's a boundary you know you need to set? What do you worry will happen if you do it?

Leave a comment below. I always read and reply to comments!

#SetYourBoundaries #BoundariesAreAnActOfSelfLove #YouOweItToYourself#SelfLoveRevolution

To All Mothers, Sons and Daughters

It was short after midnight, June 10th 1999, and I had no idea I was about to be hit by a storm that would shake me up to my core and would completely change the trajectory of my life! I had just given birth to my first child and I was about to have an encounter with God.

That was the day I knew Unconditional Love for the first time.

I was left alone with him in my arms, just the two of us in the room. Already feeling the effect of the epidural disappearing, I looked at his beautiful face and all I could see was nothing but LOVE!

In a split second, THAT Love that cracked my heart open and planted the seed of the POSSIBILITY that I too had once been loved like that.

That POSSIBILITY was all it took to awaken an unknown part of myself! It opened a door to a new world and there it was... a storm unravelling inside of me.

Torn between the anger I felt for not feeling loved by my mom and the strange, unfamiliar and indescribable feeling of unconditional love for my newborn baby, I was far from imagining that a new world was getting ready to unravel and that I would forever be changed.

Even if it had been for a minute or even just a second... She must have! She had to! I refused to believe that my mom would not have loved me like that when I was born. No way!

And I SO wanted that love... I wanted that love so badly, that I held on to that moment since then. Even if it had been for just a moment... even if it had been for just a second, I would take it... and I DID!

That's all it takes to melt a human heart -- a glimpse into the depths of Unconditional Love and you'll never know life again the same way. That's how powerful UNCONDITIONAL LOVE is.

And so I pray and give thanks:

Thank you Divine Mother, for holding me with love, for lovingly guiding me into the sweetness of your heart, showing me the way back to Unconditional Love, where I fully love and embrace myself with your loving and sweet support.

It's nothing short of a miracle that I can feel this much Love inside myself and for that, Divine Mother, I am beyond grateful.

Today, more than ever, I celebrate Unconditional Love.

To all the MOTHERS, for you my wish is that you can always stay strong in the so often challenging quest of unconditionally loving your children.

To all the SONS and DAUGHTERS, for you my wish is that you may know in your heart how deep your mother's unconditional love for you is. And, if for some reason it so happens that it's not coming from your earthly mother, know that Divine Mother holds you ALL in her heart, filled with a miraculously healing Unconditional Love.

I know this because She has shown me.
I know this because She has told me so.
I know this because I feel it in my bones.

I know this because I am the living proof of Her Love.

From a very spacious and loving place,

I am holding YOU ALL with LOVE,

©Teresa Pimenta

#DivineLove #UnconditionalLove #Motherhood #Mothers #EmpoweringWomen

Leah Petrusich

Stop beating yourself up!

If you're going through some hardships, or maybe you're beating yourself up over something, this is for you!

About three years ago I was going through some TOUGH sh*t in my personal life and at the time I was part of an amazing supportive badass program/group created and led by the amazing Jason Goldberg.

I remember one particular day being quite tough and I was looking for a way to be able to come out of a state that wasn't serving me.

I had the strategies and the tools. I had the know-how but I was stuck and kept resisting shifting into a more playful approach to the issue. Sounds familiar?

And then, my dear friend Jennifer dropped this mic-drop-mind-blowing wisdom bomb comment:

"Ooopps, If you played with this then you'd have to forgive yourself and give yourself a break. Then what might your life be like?"

That comment shifted everything for me!

So, my friend... where in your life are you taking yourSelf so seriously?

Where in your life are you being so hard on yourSelf, causing you to hold yourSelf back?

Where in your life are you judging yourSelf so hard, causing you to play small in your birthright to being awesomely happy?

What would be possible for you if you would actually step up and dared to LOVE the sh*t out of yourSelf?

#DareToLoveTheShitOutOfYourSelf

©Teresa Pimenta

Divine Mother on the Key Ingredients To (Self) Trust

Back in 2019, during a very demanding time in my life (AKA dark night of the soul) this was one of the many conversations with Divine Mother. This conversation was about (Self) TRUST (which is such a challenge for a people pleaser in recovery like me) and the KEY INGREDIENTS to develop and nourish it. That day I started out with a prayer and then, as usual, she did all the talking and I listened.

Mother, you ask me to trust and I am so scared. I know you can feel my fear and I feel how much you love me through it.
Mother, may I have the courage to fully trust and have faith in this love that invites me daily to surrender.
Mother, may I be granted the wisdom and courage to come from love and not the ego.
Mother, may my heart keep opening up to you, to the Divine love that heals our human hearts.
Mother, may I have the strength to let myself go and let myself fall into your divine grace.

"My beloved child, I love that your heart feels so deeply, my dear. Allow yourself to feel everything! Don’t run away! Don’t hide from it, my child! The deeper you feel, the more doors you open, my dear.

That’s it! Take your time! Breathe, my dear. Breathe!

In the depths you find me, my beloved child. In the depths! Do not fear to dive in, my dear. Fear not! The depths are not dark. There’s pure divine light in the depths, where stillness and silence dance together.

The deeper you go, the brighter it gets, my dear.

Dive those waters, my child. Fear not to dive those waters! They may not look pretty in the beginning. It’s where all the conditioning is, where all the beliefs you were made to believe are, where the things you believe yourself to be are. But if you are brave enough to continue diving, in the depths you’ll find me, my beloved child. Where the waters are pristine, clear, crystal like the purest of the diamonds.

Let yourself fall in that river, my child. Flow with it and be brave to dive deep. In the depths you’ll find me, my child.

You are a vessel of love, my dear. You are a beautiful vessel of love, my child.

Can you trust even when you don't know? Can you? Trust gives you the peace and the ease that you so long for, my child.

Trust life! Trust yourself! You are not separate, my dear. When you trust yourself you will trust life, because one is not without the other. When you trust life, you create an openness to faith – a faith beyond yourself, a faith that will guide you all the way to what you truly are, my dear.

FAITH will give you the power you need to keep diving into the Truth. Faith is the shield that protects you from the ego! Nourish that faith, my dear child. Only the brave ones will dare to hold that shield, my beloved daughter.

Faith is the shield and COURAGE is the sword! Hold them both wisely and strongly, my dear.

A sharp sword, Courage, opens the door, clears the path for you to walk through to the Ultimate Truth, the Ultimate Liberation. A strong and robust shield, Faith, protects you from the hurtful and deadly arrows the ego throws at you. These arrows are all the things you know so well – doubt, judgement, guilt, shame, unworthiness...

So, my child, take care of your shield and remember to sharpen your sword frequently.

You sharpen your sword every time you're willing to be truthful, to be authentic, to be vulnerable, to trust yourself enough to be willing to show up and face the fears you will meet along the way.

You sharpen your sword every time you're willing to open yourself up and let yourself be seen, be fully seen in your authenticity, in your most authentic unfiltered expression in the world.

You sharpen your sword every time you're willing to trust the voice in your heart and not the one in your head.

As for Faith, as for the shield, that requires a sharp sword, my child! Only those who are willing to go beyond themselves will be graced with that shield, my child. Gratitude… prayer… meditation… these are some of the things that make that shield strong enough to continue the inward journey.

Blessed you be, my child, for being brave enough to be holding this shield. Blessed you be!

Once you let yourself fall into the depths of your being, holding that shield and that sword, the more you take care of your shield, the more you dare with your sword and the deeper you go.

The more you dare to open your heart, the more you'll find yourself protected not by a shield but by a blanket of love. And that, my child, is the ultimate faith – trust that a blanket (LOVE) will keep you as safe as a shield.

Be watchful to not let yourself fall into the trap of making yourself insignificant when taking care of your Faith.

First, you need to go beyond yourself and cultivate that faith in order to be able to pass through the traps of the ego. But please, do not let yourself lose your Self in this process, because the power is ultimately within you, my dear.

Remember, you and I, we are not separate, my child!

- Divine Mother | June 16th 2019 (channeled by ©Teresa Pimenta)

Art by Josephine Wall

How I Reclaimed My Power Back

Let's talk about A N G E R  !

Before we jump right in, have you noticed how similar this word is to dANGER?!

Just like with F.e.a.r, I used to have a very intimate relationship with  A N G E R.

Oh my... oh my... That sh*t was serious! 💥 💣

You know, People Pleasers are very ANGRY and so are tons of WOMEN!
Women are angry and have never been allowed to express their anger. So we've learned to judge it & then judge OURSELVES for feeling it!

Now, here's the thing! That sh*t will have to come out at one point or another and that's when it gets really, I mean REALLY ugly! So then we JUDGE ourselves even HARDER!

How did I transform all that anger?

Well, for me Tog Chod was the key! Tog Chod is the practice you can see in the video, created by my Tibetan Buddhist Lama Tulku Lobsang.

This practise was like water to the driest and thirstiest plant — I was dying to get my hands on that sword ⚔️ and f*cking express all the anger I felt inside!

And I did! I F*CKING DID IT!💪

I killed so many monsters during tons of hours of practise. Forget about RECLAIMING my voice! At the time I wanted to f*cking ROAR! 🔥

ROAR b*tch, ROAR! 🦁🦁🦁

Whether or not you have access to this practise or any other, the point is that you need to Honour and allow yourself to Express your anger in a safe way. If you've been stuffing it down, shutting your voice, not speaking your truth and you know you're f*cking angry, I do know I can help you RIGHT NOW!

If this resonates somewhere within your being then you and I should have a conversation.

And, in case nobody told you today… or recently… or ever...

You sure are entitled to be ANGRY!

Sending Love,

Teresa

#AngerIsToBeHonoured #ExpressYourself #SelfAcceptance#ReclaimYourPower
 #AuthenticityIsTheNewBlack 

The Day I Met And Channeled Kali For The First Time

Do you know who Kali is?
Well, I have to tell you that I didn’t know anything about her until this very experience that I’m about to share with you. Not her name, not her story, not her picture, nothing!! Nothing at all!

What a mind-blowing experience this was while surrendering myself into an act of creation!

It was a cold afternoon and I felt like drawing or painting… not quite sure what to do but my hands surely felt like creating something. As I sat by the table with my brand-new fancy markers and a white sheet of paper, I start to wonder what I feel like drawing. Bad idea! When connecting to your intuition, you don’t wonder. You feel and you connect!

I checked my favourite pictures looking for inspiration, all the hearts and mandalas on my Pinterest albums. I was still in my head trying to figure out what I wanted to draw and to create. Don’t get me wrong, please. I am no drawing artist myself but when my hands want to create, I allow them to, even if it’s to draw a heart or a tree.

My hands wanted to move but my head and my thoughts were still in the way of the creation. I draw the shape of a heart and it really looks pretty (hearts are always pretty to me) and yet it feels so wrong. I get another sheet of paper and draw another round shape, which looks like I’m about to create a face but… NOPE, it’s not that either.

What a fool I didn’t know I was being! I had no clue that I was about to be drawn and not to draw. I was about to find out that something wanted to be born through me as I stepped into a place of being totally willing and open to trust the process. My mind wasn’t in control anymore!

I close my eyes, take some deep breaths, connect to my body, get myself another white sheet of paper, hit play on one of my playlists and then… all of a sudden, out of the blue, it begins to unfold.

I draw half of the upper body of a woman and what seemed like a big dress and from then on, I would fully surrender and immerse myself into a deep experience of feeling the shame of being a woman, the guilt and judgement of desiring sex, the fraud of not standing in my own power and my own truth.

My hands move alone, the images come to me and I don’t even know where they’re coming from. It’s as if something is wanting to speak to me and I decide to trust the process and go along with it. I really don’t have to understand it! My mind really wants to, but I don’t!

There’s a sweetness and a loving side to this energy coming to life in that paper, a side of her that seems to be betrayed and misunderstood, which made her rise up as this furious, enraged, powerful and fierce destroyer.

Throughout the whole process, there were some moments that really screamed out to me because they were very intense and I could feel them in my body, in the fast rhythm of my breath, in the tears rolling down my face, and in the rage and fear I was feeling inside.

The moment my pencil marks a spot in the yoni area, I am in shock and I can’t believe my eyes as I witness my hand doing it! In that moment, I could feel an intensifying strength in my arm that kept marking it really hard as she was saying to me:

“Yes! YES! There! It’s there! Own it! That’s really it! Don’t question! Don’t doubt! Don’t run away! That’s right there!”.

My hand keeps the pencil hitting that spot in the paper. I hit the pencil so hard and the energy is so intense that it almost seems I’ll be tearing off the paper. And in that moment, she starts to bleed — a river of blood, a volcanic explosion of blood that would go right to the centre of the earth bathing innumerable skulls which I refused to draw. That drawing was surely becoming too weird for me and since I’m not a drawing artist, I chose to skip drawing pilled bones and skulls.

Well, I could refuse to draw for sure but it surely wasn’t stopping there. Whatever was happening and whoever was creating that drawing, was hell yeah determined to make her point, to be seen and to be heard.

And from there, all of a sudden, I feel this sensation of being invaded by a wooden stick that would penetrate me through my vagina all the way up to my heart and throat, feeling like I was being crossed over from one side to the other. As this happened, I saw glimpses of men penetrating women as they raped them. From there, this huge rage began to build up inside of me and what was once painful and invasive, became a life force running through her, through me, from her yoni all the way up to her heart and throat.

And she spoke! OMG, she was speaking! I could hear her speaking to the men:
”How dare you doing this to me? I give you life! I feed you! I nurture you!”
“I will kill you all!”
“You will ALL die!”

And a deep roar of suffering reached out into the skies as I listened to her howling “NOooooooo!”

She was not only speaking to men but she was also speaking to me. You know, she wanted me to draw her with her legs fully and wide spread. Very timidly, I draw them spread, but she insisted that they were meant to be FULLY wide open.

And she spoke:
“Open them! Don’t be afraid! Don’t be ashamed! Hide no more! Own the fullness of you! Stand tall! Stand strong!”.

She wasn’t happy yet and so she kept going:
“Open up! Open up! Wider! Wider! Let them see ALL of you! Fear no more! Fear no more! Own yourself! Hide nothing! Fear nothing! Fully, fully open! Don’t you hear me?”.

I could hear her for sure! There’s no question about it! I was shaking all over and I drew her legs wider but it wasn’t enough yet. She wasn’t going to stop for sure. She had a message she wanted to make come across and she was going to do it no matter what. Was I up to the challenge? I was crying my eyes out, my hands were sweating and my whole body was shaking. There was no turning back and, in that moment, I decide that I might as well surrender fully to the process.

She went on:
“Don’t you hear me? I said OPEN UP! FULLY OPEN UP! I mean FULLY… FULLY, FULLY OPEN UP! Open until you feel you are breaking and tearing yourself apart! I am going to turn your world upside down!”

I have to pause. I cry and I shake to the bones! Every cell in my body is shaking.

And I am sitting there wondering “Who the hell is this image which not only happens to be blue (go figure) but she also looks like she has lots of arms?”. I was part of the Rewilding Group founded by Sabrina Lynn so I asked if they knew what that could be about, and they were all unanimous — KALI!

Well, it looks like I had an encounter with Kali! Still to this day I haven’t done any research on Kali, except for googling her image when the women told me it was her, to find my jaw dropping to the floor when I saw the similarity of what I saw in my experience and what google was showing me.

Research? What for? More food to the mind? Nope!
I felt her! I heard her! I sensed her! I saw her! I experienced her! She is me! I am her!
That’s good enough for me!

TODAY, one year later, I can tell you this — she did turn my world upside down!

Hit the Play Button to listen to me sharing the channelling with the women from Rewilding.

---

Healing The People Pleaser

What's the scariest thing for me as a people pleaser in recovery, who was always told to shut the fuck up?

SPEAK THE F*CK UP!

SHOW THE F*CK UP!

DARE to be fully seen in my VULNERABILITY and show up AUTHENTIC!

Having dared to step outside my comfort zone and show up doing a Facebook Live in the Tribe I created, was at the time a HUGE STEP! Still, I can see how I keep hiding behind the safety of a special place and being selective about who sees what.

I realise how many "gates" I can actually create for the world to see me. (That's how sneaky this can get!) There comes a time when I realise that I am half-daring and half-showing up. And there’s actually nothing wrong with that. It’s just that TODAY I feel like it’s time, and just for today, I want there to be no gates whatsoever.

Again, this is a huge step forward in facing the FEAR of being fully AUTHENTIC. You know, the fear will always be there and that’s one of the reasons practising daring and showing up is so crucial to me. I have tasted far too deep how crippling this fear is and can be if I let it control my life. There’s always a big fear of what my family will think or say about me, crying in a video out into the public. Chances are they’ll think I’m crazy! But you know what?!

I’m NOT CRAZY!!! I AM READY!!!! I AM FUCKING READY!!!

Do I really need to be seen? To be honest, I have no damn clue! But for me, this is where fear has been showing up big time and I know this is my free pass for the highway to freedom.

So, today I am sharing with all of you a behind the scenes (RAW & MESSY) of what happened inside that tribe of women a while back, where I held space for all the judgement, anger, frustration towards the people pleaser in me and it was only after this episode that I was able to finally ACCEPT and ACKNOWLEDGE that part of me.

Right now, the fearful side of me is in my head, doing everything it can, to have me post something else rather than this. To be totally honest, it´s been over 2 hours since I started this article.

It seems that there's this wave of authenticity and vulnerability showing up in the world and I can see how it can be easy to start rolling our eyes at that. And that's exactly the monologue the ego is having in my head right now: "Are you really going to write about that authenticity stuff, AGAIN? People are fed up with that!"

Oh yes baby, I am! Watch me! I won't be held prisoner today! It may happen tomorrow, but NOT today!

Doing this video allowed me to tap into unknown parts of myself and to learn that I can actually hold space for the WHOLENESS of me.

I don’t know a lot of stuff, but I KNOW THIS:

- I know for sure that HIDING in FEAR is no longer serving me and only stepping into this authentic & unfiltered experience of myself will I end up knowing myself deeply and truly.

- I know in my bones that authenticity will set me FREE and the more I dare into it, the more I TRUST myself!

- And I know in my bones that the more I TRUST myself, the more POWERFUL I'll be to have the GUTS to be willing to FIERCELY go beyond personal identity.

I don't want personal power to be rich! I don't want personal power to be famous! I don't want personal power to impact millions! I want personal power to set myself free.

I am thirsty and starving for FREEDOM baby!

That's my legacy! That's the impact I want to have in this world!

Being part of this world, I can no longer hide in the false modesty that “I am not important” or that “I don't matter”. This shit ain't about me only! What the fuck is all this talk about "not enoughness" or "too muchness" doing for me or for the world?

Being part of this world, it's my responsibility to set myself free from the cage of fear and step into BOLDNESS!

Being part of this world, it's my responsibility to step away from the selfishness of ego that wants to make this all about me and keep hiding myself in my little world, in a small town, in a tiny country called Portugal.

Being part of this world, it's my duty to share this I AMNESS with all of you! And those who resonate, will vibrate along with me.

In the meantime, I am RECOMMITTING to my own commitment:

1 - SPEAK UP about my feelings;

2 - HONOUR my emotions has a manifestation of my HUMAN EXPERIENCE;

3 - CREATE SPACE to whatever may be showing up in my life, either in my inner or outer world;

4 - NURTURE my childlike CURIOSITY;

5 - DARE to be 5% MORE AUTHENTIC every step of the way until it becomes who I am (and if it doesn't, be ok with that too);

6 - LOVE MYSELF, treat myself with KINDNESS and COMPASSION (no different from what I would do to a puppy or a baby).

We're in for an AWESOME COSMIC RIDE people!

Bless you all

<3

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No More Body Shame

It doesn’t matter how others see you. In the end what really matters is how you see yourself. It doesn’t matter how beautiful, intelligent or attractive others may find you. If you don’t see it or feel it yourself, in the end it is meaningless.

Once, in a retreat with my Buddhist Lama he asked “is the beauty in the flower or is the beauty in you?” I have been feeling into this for quite a while, and I have been seeing how the image and judgement I hold of myself actually conditions my experience of others and the world. That’s such a debilitating filter to have!

I have always struggled with body image and weight issues, and I’ve always judged myself really hard on that. No matter how many times my former partners would tell me I was beautiful, sexy, sensual… I have always struggled to take that in!

“How could they be so blind?”, I used to think. And many times, those compliments used to piss me off, because I was forced to sit with my own lack of self-love, and I silently hated them for that. It was right there, crystal clear on my face… them… holding the mirror for me.

Beach pictures?! OMG! Those were always a nightmare. And if I ever dared to have one or another taken, I couldn’t put my eyes on them afterwards.

Last weekend was no exception. But this time, a more pure and authentic love was holding the mirror, and I could do nothing else but SURRENDER… I mean, if I am actually REAL about this healing journey, which I am!

There we were, me and my 11-year-old kid, absolutely stunned by the beauty of the river, the blue sky, the warmth of winter sun, the boats, the seagulls, the sound of the distant stormy sea, kids laughing and playing… BLISS!

Usually I’m always the one behind the camera capturing these moments, and having a blast while doing it. Very occasionally I dare to ask to be photographed, and last Saturday I did it. I have no idea what I was expecting to see in those pictures but without any surprise to me, I didn’t like them.

I kept looking at those pictures, and I kept witnessing a cascade of judgmental thoughts rushing through my mind as I stared and stared… I kept staring and I began to crop them. Would I be able to find a way to be in those photos without “ruining” them? If I kept my upper body only, maybe that should do it. Shit! Maybe not!

And I found myself focusing on how much weight I have put on, how my belly stood out, how my comfy cotton yoga bra didn’t make my titties look sexy… and the list went on and on.

Why couldn’t the pictures be as beautiful as I wanted them to be? Why the fuck couldn’t I fit into the beauty that was all around me? How come I had so much beauty inside to be able to see the world as beautiful, but I couldn’t see myself the same way?

And then… his sweet wise voice stopped me in my tracks! As he peeks over my shoulder to see what I was doing, he says: “Why are you cropping them? You’re ruining the pictures!”

OMG!!! He is so right! What am I teaching him with this behaviour? Can’t I just fully accept myself as I am RIGHT NOW? I am 46… when will that happen?!

And so I stopped! The cropping wasn’t saving either the pictures or me. Where else in life have I been cropping parts of myself?

Let’s own this shit, Teresa! What do you want your kid to grow up learning? Do you want your kid to grow up not loving himself or his body? Oh yes… I have also judged his body too. Not verbally! Not out loud! But I have silently judged his little belly that tends to show up too.

This has been on my mind since last Saturday, and this morning, as I woke up and was getting ready for my yoga practice, I decided I would take some time to honour my body and hide no more. How fucking powerful is this body?! It was built to last. The scars are also proof of that!

My body has endured generating and giving life to two human beings, bringing them into the world through two painful and invasive caesareans. It has gone through the trauma of an epigastric hernia surgery… And what about all the unexpressed stuffed emotions it has had to deal with, for ages? And what about all the anger trapped inside? What about all the judgement, and making her look less than beautiful and perfect just the way she is? What about all the bad food choices and lack of exercise?

It’s because of this powerful body that I am allowed to FEEL DEEPLY!

As I stood there, honouring my body, pouring love into my cells, my skin, my bones and my flesh, I dared to SEE myself, as I asked for forgiveness.

And what I saw was BEAUTIFUL!

I could fool myself into believing that I was being fully authentic and honouring my body, by admitting the cropping of the pictures, and showing you an original one below (the only one that survived my frustration!). That surely would have been a big step too!

But you know what'? I’ve had enough of this bullshit of body shaming myself!

So, knowing how creatively skillful I have become at deceiving myself, after years of people pleasing, I want to DIVE right into the fear of being FULLY SEEN. Daring to dance with fear one more time, I want to step up my game, and be COURAGEOUS to do what scares me right now. I want to shine a bright light on my body. I want to shine a light on SHAME, that feeds off hiding and staying in the shadow.

My journey of honouring and loving my body starts today. And odds are that the true healing begins too.

If it was easy, SELF-LOVE wouldn’t be a REVOLUTIONARY act!

Here’s to the Self-Love Revolution!

#HonourEveryBitOfYourProcess #EveryLittleStepMatters #SelfLoveRevolution #NoMoreBodyShame

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Loving Soulful Code Of Conduct

I am a big fan of Iyanla Vanzant’s work which has stirred things up quite a bit for me. I have grown so much from reading her books and doing the work she invites us in.

At the moment I am working through her book “In The Meantime” and I have been doing deep inner work with it.

There’s a section in the book which she refers to as the “Loving Behaviour Reference” that I would like to share here with you. At a first glance it may seem just another list but if you take the time to sit with it, you may come to realise that this is QUITE a CHALLENGING list.

For me, I see it and I feel it as being more of a Loving Soulful Code Of Conduct.

Here it is, quoting her:


♥ Ask for exactly what you want.

♥ Tell the absolute truth about what you want.

♥ Clearly let others involved know your expectations of them.

♥ Ask for clarity about what is expected of you.

♥ Tell the absolute truth about your ability to live up to the expectations of others.

♥ Renegotiate any agreements you have made if you find that you’re unable to keep the agreement.

♥ Honor what you feel, first to yourself, then to others around you.

♥ Remain open to hearing what others want and expect without feeling you have to do anything about it.

♥ Never dishonor or deny yourself or what you feel simply to please someone else.

♥ Be willing to surrender (give up) what you want or expect when surrendering it serves a greater purpose, such as healing or generating more love.

♥ Be willing to forgive people for the things they do or fail to do in fear or anger.

♥ Be willing to forgive yourself for the things you do in fear or in anger.

♥ Bless every experience and ask that Divine will and understanding be granted to you and others.

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Unedited Conversation With My Heart

After more than a week without meditating, sabotaging my own happiness and feeling like shit, I found myself sitting down and grabbing a pen… and out of the blue I saw the “pen” use my hand to write. I was not writing, I was being written!

Here’s what I wrote:

After so many, so many days of wandering lost inside in the foggy black empty space within myself, I am finally creating a moment to sit down, and write whatever is going through me, whether in my mind or heart.

I have been filled up with fear, frustration, disappointment and judgement towards myself. If on the one hand I have been practising loving myself and respecting myself, I have also been immersed in a space of confusion, of loss, of wanting, not wanting… totally unknown, fully blocked and massively confused.

I think about the women in the Tribe and if I am failing them, or if I am actually failing myself. It really doesn’t matter. All of that comes from a place of lack, of scarcity, because if I could trust that I am loved no matter what, then I would for sure take some time off to myself.

Funny that when my head wants to kick in, my pen tends to stop. So I will continue to write without stopping, as long as I feel like, and tap into my heart.

This place of confusion is really scary, and I can see how challenging it can be to trust the process of life. I believe trusting the process of life really means trusting myself and my energy. Will I honour my true self? What does that even really mean? Can I be ok with the fact that I may not know it? That’s so challenging for me, and I see how that has to do with the need to control things in my life, out of the fear of the unknown, and because of all the days spent under the fear storm that would break at mum’s house.

Throughout my life I have been connecting to myself through fear and anger, and that became the normal. And feeling anger would make me feel like I was a bad person, wrong, a mistake. Today, as I write and connect with (and into) my heart, I know I am so much more than that. My heart knows it! My soul knows it! I know it! It’s just that I have totally forgotten.

I tell my heart that I am afraid of being ridiculous, and my heart answers “So what?!”. WTF, I am here, crying my ass off, and my heart comes up with that answer?! Now, I can only laugh. “Laugh along! After all, you love a great laugh, don’t you?!”, my heart says.

(I take a break from writing to laugh my ass off)

Well, I must be really close to having a breakthrough!

That’s totally who I am. I am my heart, not my head. I am that humorous funny person. I know I am so much more than what my mind wants me to believe.

In the darkness of the confusion, and in the space within, I see now that ALL is possible. Without space there’s no room for creation to happen, and without darkness there’s no way light can shine bright.

I may be confused about what to do next but I am not confused about who to be. And you know what?! I am freaking amazing at the job I am doing with myself. Can I be able to love myself unconditionally?

HEART, talk to me! Tell me! What do you have to say about all this mess going on inside? What do you have to say about all this fear and this confusion inside? This uncertainty is driving me crazy! What do you really want from me? Can’t you see this isn’t good for us? Help me out here, please! What wisdom do you have for me? What can you share with me?

(And the heart spoke!)

“To start with, it’s great that you’re here and that you’re connecting! Long time no see, right, T.? You connect out of fear, and that is totally off from where I am, from where I stand, from my essence.

Thank you for showing up T.! I love it when you take the time to come and see me.

(Naturally, my eyes closed, and I, for a moment, I would be shifting from writing to going deep, and coming back to writing again.)

That’s it! Pause now! … Close your eyes! … Breathe! … Can you feel me? … Can you feel me? Can you feel the stillness?... Feel it! … don’t rush it… Stay! Stay! Stay!

See how far you’ve come, my child! I am so proud of you! You have come a long long way. Stop comparing yourself to others. You were created to stand out, and stop judging yourself for being different! Remember the feelings when you laugh? That’s YOU! That’s who you truly are, my child!

(At this point, part of me is wondering why the hell I am being addressed to as “my child”, but I decide to allow the process and not mess up with it. Maybe I felt the need to be mothered, so I stood out of the way.)

You were created to be the happy joyful embodiment of transformation, the joyful embodiment of love, wisdom and compassion.  I am here always for you, but I will only come when you call me! Be yourself, my child! Be yourself, with the good and the bad! After all, who says which is which?!

Go through life living fully, feeling deeply! That’s who you are! You are an intense being! You like to feel deep! You are great at feeling deep! You know about the preciousness of life. Feel me! Feel me! Don’t go! Stay!... Breathe!… Breathe!…

I hear you, my child. I know you are scared and that’s ok! After all, you don’t remember who you truly are, who you really are. That’s ok! And still, you have been doing a great job!

Why are you crying, my child? Do you feel lonely? I can feel you do, and that’s ok too. But if you connect to me, you can never feel lonely. Can you feel me? Can you feel me?

Are you really crying because you feel lonely or because you are feeling loved unconditionally right now?

I can hear what you’re thinking, and YES, it can be that simple. It is that simple! You are breath, you are love, you are pure energy living under the illusion that is someone else, something else that has a great big purpose in life.

You are the purpose, my child! You are the meaning! You are life!

Show me what you see! Show me what you feel! Show me life through you! Let me breathe you!

Keep laughing, my child! Keep dancing, my child, because through you, I experience joy and happiness and bliss. Keep crying, my child, because I feel the sadness so deeply. You are so good at feeling! You may be confused sometimes but I’m not! I always feel and know what you are feeling.

I heard you just now! You want to know what I want from you? I want to feel life through your own eyes, feel life through your own heart, and experience the bliss in your smile and laughter.

I hear you, my child! You say you’re tired. That’s ok! You can rest. You can relax. You have been too hard on yourself. I have never asked you to do all of those things you do… My child, you are special, you are precious, and you have come such a long way… and I am so proud of you!

Relax now! There’s nothing for you to do right now … just be here with me as I cradle you, my child.

You have become this courageous woman, and this wonderful human being (yeah, I heard that… you wanted to say leader, didn’t you?!) and … ok… you are your own leader… leading your life, your experiences, your emotions…

Lead the way, my child, lead your way! I’m right here! I’ll be right here!

One breath away… one breath away… one breath…

I love you!”
 

If you would take a moment to close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths in, connect to your heart and express your fears and worries to your heart, what would your heart say to you?

Go ahead, do that! I’ll wait ;) And then come back and share in the comments what came up for you. I’d love to hear from you.

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The Question That Shaped My Life

Back in December 2016, I was at Tony Robbins’s six-day seminar in Florida, Date with Destiny and there I had A LOT of breakthroughs (another word for that would be insight). For those of you who have not been to a TR event or haven’t heard much about him, the best thing you can do to understand what he is truly about is to watch the documentary I’m Not Your Guru on Netflix.

One of the countless things I’ve learned from Tony Robbins is that QUESTIONS determine your focus, and what you focus on is what you experience and what you get from life.

So, today I want to tell you about a major aha moment I had with what he calls the PRIMARY QUESTION.

A Primary Question is a dominant question you ask yourself on a consistent basis, and that filters your thinking (conscious and unconscious). It’s a question that pops up constantly across contexts. Even if you aren’t consciously aware of it, you believe that if you live by this question, you will feel ultimate success, pleasure and fulfilment. Your identity is often tied to this question. You experience life through the lenses of it.

Now that you know what a primary question is, let me share with you what MY primary question has been for 44 years.

I have lived my life through the lens of this question — “How can I make this better?”.

For me, life, in all its areas, was always about improving, making better, making more effective, more inspirational, more impactful. I was always looking for ways to make anything, I mean, ANYTHING better.

The magical thing about having a “aha” moment with Tony Robbins is that he always makes sure you find the higher intent behind any of your behaviour / decision / emotion. So, not only was I able to uncover that primary question, but to also see both the benefits and the downsides of it.

As TR also teaches us, first let’s go for the UPSIDES of that. What were the empowering effects that came about for asking that question? What did that question do for me?

Well, here’s what I found out: to consistently ask myself that question, I believed that there’s always a better way; that there’s always space for improvement; that change is needed, and that change is something positive. I learned not to settle, to become more creative and more determined.

And what about the DOWNSIDES? What did that cost me?

I must confess this was a very deep and emotional moment. When I was face to face with the truth of it, I cried as I became aware that I was always too hard on myself, always demanding too much from me; I didn’t enjoy being myself because I was always looking for ways to make ME better, and that means in some moments I was making ME wrong.

I would always try to “fix” others and make them better, as if there was anything wrong with them… Can you imagine how I have made people feel in the past? OMG, so many things I did wrong with my kids and my relationships. It’s a fact that what I did to myself I would do to others. I know I did the best I could with the resources I had but it hurt like hell to think about the pain I caused, especially to my kids.

TR helped me find out WHY I had that as my primary question.

For some reason (well, like I said I had a lot of breakthroughs, so I know the reason, but I’ll tell you about that in another post) I had this belief that if I didn’t make things better, more inspirational, more impactful, etc., people wouldn’t notice me, I would be unseen, which means I would be ignored, which means I would be insignificant, which means I wouldn’t be loved.

What a scary frightened little girl there was living inside of me!

So now, I cherish and nurture that part of me, the scary one, the one looking for love and significance. And I also forgave myself for the pain I caused to my kids.

If we are always looking for ways to make things/people better, we are not allowing space for things/people to be just the way they are.

Many times, WE just want to be loved, THEY just want to be loved, I just want to be loved… unconditionally loved, being imperfectly perfect.

And there are moments that we just need to BE and not DO. After all, are we human beings or human doings?

So… I am so thrilled and excited to share with you my NEW Primary Question –

“How can I appreciate even more the beauty and the perfection of what is in this present moment, trusting that I am always guided?”

Can you imagine how different my life will be having this question as a filtering lens?

Now, I’m curious to know…

What is a question you repeatedly ask yourself? What do you consistently focus on? What question do you ask most often based on this focus?

It’s my deepest wish that this story may help you in some way, and I would love to know what your primary question is. So, please leave your comment below.

And remember, YOU are imperfectly perfect.

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Have You Loved Yourself Today?

Today I had a breakthrough! I have just experienced with full awareness how subtle this self-love thing can be and I wanted to share it with you! There's a chance that some part of this story may resonate with you, and you can get some value from it.

Last December I made great, awesome and unique friends at Tony Robbins' Date with Destiny in Florida, USA. (For those of you who don't know about Tony Robbins or if you even wonder what that event is about, I would suggest that you watch “I am Not Your Guru” on Netflix)

One of these amazing new friends, a phenomenal woman and so talented artist, Susie Suh, sent me four essential oils all the way from the USA, to help me recover faster from an epigastric hernia surgery.

When the oils arrived, she explained to me what I needed to do to apply them. So, the only thing I needed was to get some carrier oil, like coconut or almond oil (or any other), blend it with some drops of the essential oils, and massage my belly in the area where the hernia used to be.

Guess what?! It has been 6 days since those oils arrived, and I haven’t applied them yet. Why not? “I don’t have carrier oil”, I thought. “When I get it, I’ll do it!” And then I asked myself: “when are you going to buy it?”; “what are you waiting for?”

How come that woman, Susie, used her time and energy to go to the post office and send me those oils, and I wouldn’t take 5 minutes to buy the carrier oil? Did she love me more than I loved myself? This question made me tremble!

Very often, things aren’t what they seem to be. I was hiding behind the excuse that I didn’t have the carrier oil, when in fact the truth is that I was not loving myself nor making myself a priority. Why was that? And that’s when it hit me.

Even though I’ve walked a long path on this healing journey of loving myself, this is a daily process, and I can’t take it for granted or as something I can be distracted from. I need to be present! I need to be mindful, and to remind myself daily to love myself.

Being naïvely distracted from my own self is a recipe for disaster. I need to stand guard at the door of my mind while taking care of my inner garden, otherwise weeds will grow.

In the past, every time I engaged in any behaviour that would make me feel important or loved, even if it was just a glimpse of it, guilt and blame would be running the show: “who the hell do you think you are?”, “what?! Do you think you’re special?”, “what do you think makes you so fucking special?”… and it would go on and on and on…

The truth is that I wanted so badly to be loved ... So I thought I had to stay low, to be less, to play small, and without even knowing it, I was annihilating myself so deeply that my soul started aching.

Because Life is a wonderful teacher, it keeps bringing me all sorts of different situations, so that I understand how important I am, and that there’s nothing wrong about it. Life keeps showing me that there’s no reason to feel guilty for making myself a priority, and for feeling that I am important and that I do matter.

Life keeps showing me that if I think I’m not important, nothing else will ever be.

Every time I neglect my own needs, and every time I don’t love myself, I suffer. And from that suffering place, I judge others, I get angry, I get frustrated, I doubt my own capacities, my own strengths, my own inner power, my own inner voice, my soul, my spirit.

That’s when fear kicks in! That’s when the mind starts to rule my life. That’s when the mind kicks the heart out, and runs over it, shutting its voice, its truth, its wisdom. True Wisdom and True Love live only in the heart, not in the mind!

How can I think anyone else is more important than me, if we are all connected? We are not separate!

It all begins with me and in me!

I need to be the change I want to see in the world, and that’s why I am 100% committed to loving myself, cherishing myself and honouring myself, and that means loving myself unconditionally, with both the shadow and light that live within me.

Fully committed to loving myself so that I can love others, I went to buy the carrier oil and all it took was 5 minutes of my time and 1,14 euros.

What about you? Have you loved yourself today?

Let me know in the comments if this resonates with you at any point. I would love to read it!

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