How your life can be shaped and impacted by an unconscious decision

Somewhere in time, there was one decision you made (consciously or unconsciously) that shaped the trajectory of your life and may have caused you to freeze in time, not serving you any longer now. Do you know what that decision was?

Did you know that if you bring a situation, and add massive pain / trauma to it, you have the recipe for a STRONG decision that will create a ripple effect in your life?

The bigger the emotion attached to an event, the deeper and stronger the decision. And THESE are usually the decisions that impact the way we perceive and experience the world, often becoming a buried unconscious limiting belief.

I only uncovered such a strong decision when I got to 43 years old.

Let me tell you about the day I made the decision "it isn't safe for me to express myself because bad things happen".

I'm 9 years old. It's a beautiful sunny Sunday and we're heading to a local amusement park to celebrate the city's holiday. My dad drives a van from his job, my mum and my baby sister are sitting at the front, and me and my sister (8) are standing in the back of the van. (Not a lot safety measures back then!)

Me and my sister, we are very excited about going to the city centre. My parents are having their adult conversation, and we too are having our kids' talk. You would think we are talking about cartoons or school or friends... But No! We are chatting about being stitched, and how painful that must be, as my sister refers to a surgery she had when she was very little.

Well... here comes the part why I am telling you this story!

— I don't ever want to have to go to the hospital and get stitches! — I say to her.

The minute I say these words, our van crashes into another car, I fly to the front of the van and smash my mouth against a metal bar. 😱😭 Blood all over the place and I end up in hospital having my mouth stitched in several places. (sorry about the graphics)

One small detail — I am the ONLY one who gets injured! This, for sure, did help confirm the decision I am, unknowingly, about to make at the age of 9.

Unconsciously, that day, in that moment, I make the decision that when I open my mouth, bad and painful things happen. That day, I unconsciously decide that it isn't safe to express myself. You see, in my 9 year old mind, I just expressed my wishes and I got punished for that.

(Oh yeah, I was already being brainwashed about a punishing God!!!)

This decision will run the show for the following 30 plus years of my life. Can you imagine the impact this decision has had in my life? Can you imagine the decisions I made, and didn't make, based on that decision?

Can you see how important it is to know our beliefs?

What about you? What could have been a situation in your life that ended up being a decision making moment, that may be holding you back in life?

Share in the comments. I always read them and reply back.

#DecisionmakingMoments #Beliefs #GetCuriousAboutYourBeliefs #BreakthroughsAreTheJuiceOfGrowth

How to Set Boundaries

Having trouble setting boundaries? If you have any trouble setting boundaries, know that you are not alone. They are hard for all of us and if you were born (like me) with the tendency to please everyone around you, it gets even harder.

Setting boundaries is huge for people pleasers!!! Anticipating an emotional reaction to our boundaries is a struggle and it can be overwhelming for people like me, who feel deep.

Some years ago, I recall a friend who I consider a boundaries queen (she nails that sh*t like a pro!) asking me what I found so difficult about putting a boundary in place. At the time, the only thing I could tell her was how it actually felt in my body. See if you can relate to what I told her that day:

— Imagine you haven’t been to the gym in years, you now weigh 150kg and you have to run on the treadmill for 30 minutes… imagine how that would feel… Well, I’d still rather go on that treadmill than setting a boundary to which I am expecting an emotional reaction.

She had no idea that it was that hard!

But let me share with you that, like everything in life, the more you practise, the better you get at doing it. Remember... Every time you draw a boundary, you show yourself a little more love.

And here’s a free hack — when you do set a boundary, make sure to shake that booty and celebrate. That's how you rewire your nervous system to want to do it again.

Here's what you need to know — Your boundaries are YOUR responsibility! You need to know them and communicate them. Setting boundaries IS your job! What IS NOT your job is to manage people's reaction to your boundary!!! Their emotional reaction is theirs and it’s not yours to manage.

Here's some hacks on setting a boundary:

1. Once you're clear about the boundary, you need to set it in place and communicate it in a SIMPLE way. Simple is key here. The more we go about giving way too much information, we’re creating space for the possibility to fail in following through with it.

2. You do not need to explain yourself.

3. You do not need to apologize for it.

4. Be prepared and expect an emotional reaction. If you prepare yourself for there to be a reaction, then it’s easier to simply let it come. And please, don't make it about you, because it is not. It’s THEIR reaction. Breathe through their reaction and repeat to yourself: "This is not my responsibility. It's not my job to manage their feelings".

5. Be prepared for the possibility of your own self-judgment talk to creep in afterwards. It’s normal if it does. After all, this thing of setting boundaries is a challenge and we’re still practising putting them in place. If (or when) that inner critic shows up, stay present to it, show those thoughts your love and remember that you don’t have to believe them. Remember that you’re not your thoughts. Give yourself a lot of Love and compassion if (or when) the self-judgment talk creeps in. It will get easier with time and practise.

And please, remember... it's not so much that you are saying "no" to others, but that you are saying YES to yourself.

What's a boundary you know you need to set? What do you worry will happen if you do it?

Leave a comment below. I always read and reply to comments!

#SetYourBoundaries #BoundariesAreAnActOfSelfLove #YouOweItToYourself#SelfLoveRevolution

Stop beating yourself up!

If you're going through some hardships, or maybe you're beating yourself up over something, this is for you!

About three years ago I was going through some TOUGH sh*t in my personal life and at the time I was part of an amazing supportive badass program/group created and led by the amazing Jason Goldberg.

I remember one particular day being quite tough and I was looking for a way to be able to come out of a state that wasn't serving me.

I had the strategies and the tools. I had the know-how but I was stuck and kept resisting shifting into a more playful approach to the issue. Sounds familiar?

And then, my dear friend Jennifer dropped this mic-drop-mind-blowing wisdom bomb comment:

"Ooopps, If you played with this then you'd have to forgive yourself and give yourself a break. Then what might your life be like?"

That comment shifted everything for me!

So, my friend... where in your life are you taking yourSelf so seriously?

Where in your life are you being so hard on yourSelf, causing you to hold yourSelf back?

Where in your life are you judging yourSelf so hard, causing you to play small in your birthright to being awesomely happy?

What would be possible for you if you would actually step up and dared to LOVE the sh*t out of yourSelf?

#DareToLoveTheShitOutOfYourSelf

©Teresa Pimenta

Loving Soulful Code Of Conduct

I am a big fan of Iyanla Vanzant’s work which has stirred things up quite a bit for me. I have grown so much from reading her books and doing the work she invites us in.

At the moment I am working through her book “In The Meantime” and I have been doing deep inner work with it.

There’s a section in the book which she refers to as the “Loving Behaviour Reference” that I would like to share here with you. At a first glance it may seem just another list but if you take the time to sit with it, you may come to realise that this is QUITE a CHALLENGING list.

For me, I see it and I feel it as being more of a Loving Soulful Code Of Conduct.

Here it is, quoting her:


♥ Ask for exactly what you want.

♥ Tell the absolute truth about what you want.

♥ Clearly let others involved know your expectations of them.

♥ Ask for clarity about what is expected of you.

♥ Tell the absolute truth about your ability to live up to the expectations of others.

♥ Renegotiate any agreements you have made if you find that you’re unable to keep the agreement.

♥ Honor what you feel, first to yourself, then to others around you.

♥ Remain open to hearing what others want and expect without feeling you have to do anything about it.

♥ Never dishonor or deny yourself or what you feel simply to please someone else.

♥ Be willing to surrender (give up) what you want or expect when surrendering it serves a greater purpose, such as healing or generating more love.

♥ Be willing to forgive people for the things they do or fail to do in fear or anger.

♥ Be willing to forgive yourself for the things you do in fear or in anger.

♥ Bless every experience and ask that Divine will and understanding be granted to you and others.

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Speak The F*ck Up

What happens when we actually talk about what we don’t like about ourselves? What happens when we bring light into the darkest aspects of ourselves?

Well, I was dared to write down five traits I don't like about myself, and to record a video talking about it. I didn’t have to post or show the video to anyone. I could even delete it afterwards.

“Come up with 5 things I don't like about myself? That’s EASY!!!”, I thought to myself. Well, not quite! Not only did it turn out to be harder than I thought to come up with those five things, but I also found myself stuck in that process: “Are these really THE ONES I don't like about myself?"

No wonder! One of the things I don't like about myself is second guessing myself!!!! LOL

Thinking I would be on my own (at least so I thought! The ego has interesting ways to get in the way of our growth - if you watch the video below, you’ll understand what I am talking about), I decided to sit with that assignment and record the video, and see what would come up.

JUICY AF, I must say!

Second guessing myself as a result of decades of people pleasing, and mastering the art of fitting in (without even knowing it) was brought to the light in this raw video. I guess this is me evolving OUT LOUD!

I then decided that posting the video to the public would be a huge step forward in facing the FEAR of being fully authentic. Posting the video isn’t about people watching it. It’s about me facing the fear of showing up so raw, unedited and unfiltered.

It’s a paralysing fear, and I am committed into not being held hostage by it.

It’s crazy to notice that there’s a big fear of what my family will think or say about me, crying in a video out into the public. Chances are they’ll think I’m crazy. But you know what?!

I’m NOT CRAZY. I AM READY! I AM F*CKING READY!!!

After all the release (that can be witnessed in the video below), I sat down with the experience, and here’s the insight I got from all that time talking to/with/about myself — if I don’t pay close attention, and fully connect to the truth of who I am, the fact that I have been doing this work for a while can actually be an excuse for the ego to judge me.

“How can that be?”, you may be asking yourself. Here’s how I see it:

The ego will take turns in showing up as the solution to the problem it created in the 1st place, judging its previous manifestation, almost as if peeling off skin, and pretending to be another "entity", one after the other…

Also, if I am not mindful, the ego can easily keep me stuck under the illusion that tapping into feeling all these human emotions is nothing but a waste of time, because “now I know better”.But here’s the thing… Spiritual bypass doesn’t work.

There’s no shortcuts to healing! We have to feel it to heal it! We need to ALLOW the emotion, honour it, create a loving space for it to be expressed, fully see it and ACCEPT it for what it is.

So... here's my commitment for this 2019 (and for the rest of my life):

1 - SPEAK UP about my feelings;

2 - HONOUR my emotions as a manifestation of my human experience;

3 - Create SPACE for whatever may be showing up in my life, either in my inner or outer world;

4 - NURTURE my childlike curiosity;

5 - DARE to be 5% more authentic every step of the way, until it becomes who I am (and if it doesn't, be ok with that too);

6 - LOVE MYSELF, treating myself with kindness and compassion (no different from what I would do to a puppy or a baby).

So, here’s my dare to you! Grab a piece of paper and write down 5 traits you don’t like about yourself! Then, get your phone and record a video of you talking about it. If you want, you can pick one of the five, and only talk about that one. Of course you don’t have to share that video with anyone. You can even delete it afterwards.

Aren’t you curious to see what happens when you TALK about it? Aren’t you curious to find out what happens when you bring light into that shadow?

All I can say is that I found FREEDOM on the other side of that video.

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