In moments of blissful experiences or painful emotional depth, sometimes I write. I'm not a writer but I write!
Either to celebrate or to heal, I need that intensity. Staying at a surface level for me is more like being emotionally numb. That's just how I know myself... Diving deeper makes me feel more alive than ever. That's how I ravish my soul!
It's kind of easy to get why someone would celebrate and intensify the blissful moments life offers us once in a while, right? But... why would someone intensify their pain?
Well, for many many years I have rejected pain with all my strength until I realised that the healing only happens when I really sit down quietly with that pain. Well, don't take me wrong, because there was nothing silent about those deep painful moments (I screamed and shouted like hell!!!). By quietly I mean to sit and listen to the screaming and the yelling... to sit so quietly that I could even hear my heart weeping and bleeding... and in that intensity I would just run out of any strength and I would finally surrender and give in.
It was in that exact moment when I gave in to fighting the pain, that the healing did begin.
An in one of those deep, painful and transformational moments a poem was born as part of the healing process itself. As words were rushing to the paper, I could feel the pain increasing inside. But for me, intensifying the pain is kind of like connecting at a deeper soul level with myself. The deeper I feel the deeper I can heal.
That day, the ME I had known for years had to die, so that I could be reborn into a free untethered wild spirit.
As strange as it may seem, making pain so unbearable by intensifying it just gives me the rush and the leverage I need to get out of that painful situation faster.
What about you? Do you stay in the pain to heal? How do you go through painful moments? Do you also need this emotional intensity?
Write in the comments. I would love to read it!
Today, I am ready to share that poem with the world.
Searching for a safe path
Among the ferocious traps
Of the unknown road called Surrender.
She looks for the healing to her deep wounds.
Unable to hear the whisper of her soul
She takes refuge.
Despair and pain take over her…
Disoriented and confused,
She dives into cutting and ripping pathways
Tearing her off to pieces
Leaving her entire soul
Vulnerably laying in the open sky.
She is shattered into
Small mirrored pieces,
Ruins impossible to recompose.
Everything in her dies!
Her soul weeps and digs deeper,
From the stream of her own tears.
May she be reborn now
A strong she-wolf!
May she sprout wise and confident
Pure and wild
Teresa Pimenta (Dec. 2013)
Because this was originally written in Portuguese, I share the original version with all the Portuguese readers.
Procura caminho seguro
Por entre as armadilhas ferozes
Da estrada chamada Entrega.
Procura a cura para as suas feridas.
Incapaz de ouvir o discurso da sua alma,
O desespero e a dor tomam conta dela!
Mergulha em caminhos dilacerantes
Rasgando-a até à alma.
Em pedaços espelhados,
Ruínas impossíveis de recompor.
Toda ela morre!
Sua alma escava bem fundo,
Nutre-se do regato das suas lágrimas.
Que renasça agora
Uma loba forte.
Que brote sábia e confiante
Pura e selvagem.
Teresa Pimenta (Dec. 2013)