I remember when I started doing yoga and meditating, sometimes he would come to me and say:
— So much yoga and meditation, and after all you're still... (fill in with a judgement).
You know, it wasn't about him. That had everything to do with ME.
I was the one who secretly and silently would go over judging myself hard. I was always on trial, and I got to be the judge and the defendant.
I was the one blaming MYSELF for doing all those things, and still feeling I was failing. You see, I knew I wasn't perfect but I thought I had to become such! I thought that all those Buddhist practices and retreats, and Tony Robbins seminars and all the MindValley’s courses would turn me into a perfect person.
The day I knew that was WAY FAR from being the purpose of this, things started to shift massively, and I signed myself up for the most AUTHENTIC and LOVING adventure I could never have imagined enrolling myself into — one of SELF-LOVE and SELF-ACCEPTANCE!
Well, it took us many tries, many falls and many knee injuries to learn to master the science of walking, right? So, why take ourselves so seriously, and be so harsh on ourselves in this adventure of being a human being?
Yes, I pray!
Yes, I meditate!
Yes, I do yoga!
And yes, I say F*ck (boy, it felt good writing this!) and I can be (and I am!) a b*tch sometimes!
And isn't it wonderful that ... ( I got interrupted by the ego: “Hold it right there, lady!!!! Stop right there!!! Don't do it!! Don't you dare saying it!!!" )
As I was saying... and isn't it wonderful that I get to experience such a vast variety of states and emotions?!
(The ego again: “Hey b*tch, what did you just say?! WTF?? Did I just see you admit the possibility of enjoying all this human experience??!! That's it folks, she is losing it! Can someone get her a lifejacket, please?”)
— Love you too, ego.
Back to what I was saying… Does that mean I like all of them? Does that mean I like being sad, or anxious, or angry? HELL NO!!! But can I just become curious and amazed at the fact that I am capable of experiencing so many different emotions?
Do you know what happened when I began to ask myself this question?
This curiosity has opened up space for me to start relaxing in the fight I used to engage in while resisting those “negative” emotions, and I am beginning to accept and acknowledge them more and more.
Can you imagine if you would press MUTE in the judge headquarters loudspeaker?
I wonder what that would do for you and what that could change in your life!
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Cover Photo Credit: Inspiring Badass Kim Bao