What's the scariest thing for me as a people pleaser in recovery, who was always told to shut the fuck up?
SPEAK THE F*CK UP!
SHOW THE F*CK UP!
DARE to be fully seen in my VULNERABILITY and show up AUTHENTIC!
Having dared to step outside my comfort zone and show up doing a Facebook Live in the Tribe I created, was at the time a HUGE STEP! Still, I can see how I keep hiding behind the safety of a special place and being selective about who sees what.
I realise how many "gates" I can actually create for the world to see me. (That's how sneaky this can get!) There comes a time when I realise that I am half-daring and half-showing up. And there’s actually nothing wrong with that. It’s just that TODAY I feel like it’s time, and just for today, I want there to be no gates whatsoever.
Again, this is a huge step forward in facing the FEAR of being fully AUTHENTIC. You know, the fear will always be there and that’s one of the reasons practising daring and showing up is so crucial to me. I have tasted far too deep how crippling this fear is and can be if I let it control my life. There’s always a big fear of what my family will think or say about me, crying in a video out into the public. Chances are they’ll think I’m crazy! But you know what?!
I’m NOT CRAZY!!! I AM READY!!!! I AM FUCKING READY!!!
Do I really need to be seen? To be honest, I have no damn clue! But for me, this is where fear has been showing up big time and I know this is my free pass for the highway to freedom.
So, today I am sharing with all of you a behind the scenes (RAW & MESSY) of what happened inside that tribe of women a while back, where I held space for all the judgement, anger, frustration towards the people pleaser in me and it was only after this episode that I was able to finally ACCEPT and ACKNOWLEDGE that part of me.
Right now, the fearful side of me is in my head, doing everything it can, to have me post something else rather than this. To be totally honest, it´s been over 2 hours since I started this article.
It seems that there's this wave of authenticity and vulnerability showing up in the world and I can see how it can be easy to start rolling our eyes at that. And that's exactly the monologue the ego is having in my head right now: "Are you really going to write about that authenticity stuff, AGAIN? People are fed up with that!"
Oh yes baby, I am! Watch me! I won't be held prisoner today! It may happen tomorrow, but NOT today!
Doing this video allowed me to tap into unknown parts of myself and to learn that I can actually hold space for the WHOLENESS of me.
I don’t know a lot of stuff, but I KNOW THIS:
- I know for sure that HIDING in FEAR is no longer serving me and only stepping into this authentic & unfiltered experience of myself will I end up knowing myself deeply and truly.
- I know in my bones that authenticity will set me FREE and the more I dare into it, the more I TRUST myself!
- And I know in my bones that the more I TRUST myself, the more POWERFUL I'll be to have the GUTS to be willing to FIERCELY go beyond personal identity.
I don't want personal power to be rich! I don't want personal power to be famous! I don't want personal power to impact millions! I want personal power to set myself free.
I am thirsty and starving for FREEDOM baby!
That's my legacy! That's the impact I want to have in this world!
Being part of this world, I can no longer hide in the false modesty that “I am not important” or that “I don't matter”. This shit ain't about me only! What the fuck is all this talk about "not enoughness" or "too muchness" doing for me or for the world?
Being part of this world, it's my responsibility to set myself free from the cage of fear and step into BOLDNESS!
Being part of this world, it's my responsibility to step away from the selfishness of ego that wants to make this all about me and keep hiding myself in my little world, in a small town, in a tiny country called Portugal.
Being part of this world, it's my duty to share this I AMNESS with all of you! And those who resonate, will vibrate along with me.
In the meantime, I am RECOMMITTING to my own commitment:
1 - SPEAK UP about my feelings;
2 - HONOUR my emotions has a manifestation of my HUMAN EXPERIENCE;
3 - CREATE SPACE to whatever may be showing up in my life, either in my inner or outer world;
4 - NURTURE my childlike CURIOSITY;
5 - DARE to be 5% MORE AUTHENTIC every step of the way until it becomes who I am (and if it doesn't, be ok with that too);
6 - LOVE MYSELF, treat myself with KINDNESS and COMPASSION (no different from what I would do to a puppy or a baby).
We're in for an AWESOME COSMIC RIDE people!
Bless you all
<3
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