Letter To The Ego

Dear ego,

I know that there's more to me than the I/eye can see.

I am done fighting you. I am done arguing with you. I am tired of all those stories that you keep playing in my head, over and over, like a f*cking old broken cassette.

I am tired of all the lies you whisper in secret, and you always want me to believe in.

I am tired and I will fight you no more! And if I ever do, I won't bother much about it either. Fighting you, or bothering about it, would be a waste of time, and that would just keep me busy and distracted, while imprisoned inside your trap.

You're so damn good at this sh*t!!! I give you credit for that. Ego, you're a badass at being you.

So, watch me LOVE the crap out of you while I dare to go BEYOND you, BEYOND myself, BEYOND words, BEYOND emotions, BEYOND and BEYOND, dissolving myself into the formless & ONENESS of consciousness.

And just so you know, I don't even need to know what that actually means, and what that actually looks like. RELAX! I mean it. I don't. I don't need to know! YOU need to know. I don't! I really don't!

I know I am functional but also limited with your existence, and deceiving myself to wanting to explain or understand what dissolving into consciousness would actually mean… that would just be foolish of me, and falling for one more of your traps.

I am now allowing myself to fully and deeply SURRENDER to the experience of BEING, and that... that cannot be explained. That... that cannot be understood. That... that can only be EXPERIENCED!

I AM READY! I am coming home!

Tadyata Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate Bodhi Soha.

Bodhi Soha

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Hustling vs Staying in Flow

As I stood there sitting on the floor, waiting for a performance which was about to start, I found myself absorbing how imponent and magnificent that castle was, and imagined the events that must have taken place there, in the Medieval Age, with kings, queens and knights.

And then… I found myself wondering how many times in life we feel like we are in a battle. How often do we feel there's a castle to take over, to conquer, and overcome challenges so we can get to the very top of the tower?

The true battle is really happening inside, and it is a one-man-fight – ONESELF! (Or, better said, what we think to be ourselves)

The ego (on a side note, let me just say that initially the word ego was all caps and when I noticed how much it was standing out, I thought I would bring it down to its place… wrote it with capital “e” and as I was about to take it down too, the ego was freaking out… LOL the struggle is real, people!!!), which creates an illusory separation, always gives us the idea that we have to get somewhere, to do some other thing, making us feel incomplete, and with the illusion that something is missing…and that’s how we fall into the next-thing trap. At least I know I do!

The ego, in its quest to survive, will make you believe that there’s always more and more and more… it will never ever be enough… YOU will never be enough!

I don’t know about you, but I am finding that sh*t really exhausting, and more and more I am daring to experiment with some different approaches.

As I adventure into these new possibilities, I am aware of the battle happening within, as if I were two people. It’s quite a show to watch!!!!

Sounding just like Sofia Vergara playing Gloria in Modern Family, the ego loves a drama: “what??!! you’re not worried?”; “how come you’re not anxious?”; “what do you mean you’ll buy that ticket to Tony Robbins?”; “You can’t spend all that money?” … blah blah blah

It’s a one-man-show! A sitcom with a signed contract for life and unlimited seasons. (The Simpsons, you’re screwed!)

You should see the shock and the surprise every time I challenge, not only the ego but also myself, to later find out that my body is less and less responding like it used to when standing before the “illusion” of a problem.

My mind tells me to worry and freak out, but deep down I don’t feel as such! There’s hope! 😉

Back to the castle, the battles and the conquering. It’s crazy how we can get attached to the drama and the hardship. Don’t you think so? Don't get me wrong! There's nothing wrong with wanting more, in conquering castles, climbing the highest mountains… I am a hell yeah for that! But life can be as interesting, if not more challenging, down here too.

If there's great courage in taking the leap, in going to battle, it also takes as much courage daring to stay, sit, acknowledge whatever is… do nothing and change nothing.

Actually, I have tried them both, and here’s what I can share with you: hustling, getting myself ready to work, to go somewhere, to do something challenging, is revealing itself way easier than honouring the presence of now, sitting still, creating space for the clarity needed to take action, surrendering into the stillness of the unknown.

Can you be ok with not knowing and honour it?

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