Speak The F*ck Up

I have been doing a lot of personal work and lately I have been following Kyle Alan Cease.
I joined his community and in one of his videos he dared us to write down 5 traits we don't like about ourselves and record a video talking about it. We didn’t have to post or show the video to anyone. We could even delete it afterwards.

The idea was to find out what happens when we actually talk about what we don’t like about ourselves. What happens when we bring light into the darkest aspects of ourselves?

“Come up with 5 things I don't like about myself? EASY!!!”

Well, not only did it turn out to be harder than I thought to come up with those five, but I also found myself stuck in that process!

“Are these really THE ONES I don't like about myself?" No wonder!!!! One of the things that I don't like about myself is second guessing myself!!!! LOL

Today, since I would be on my own (at least so I thought! The ego has interesting ways to get in the way of our growth - watch the video and you’ll understand what I am talking about) I decided to sit with that assignment and record the video and see what would come up.

JUICY AF I must say!

Second guessing myself as a result of decades of people pleasing and mastering the art of fitting in (without even knowing it) was brought to the light in this raw video.

I guess this is me EVOLVING OUT LOUD!

I then decided that posting this video to the public would be a huge step forward in facing the FEAR of being fully authentic. There’s always a big fear of what my family will think or say about me, crying in a video out into the public.

Chances are they’ll think I’m crazy! But you know what?! I’m NOT CRAZY!!!

I AM READY!!!! I AM F*CKING READY!!!

After all the release you can witness in the video below, I sat down and here’s the INSIGHT I got from all that time talking to/with myself:

If I don’t pay close attention and fully connect to the truth of who I am, the fact that I have been doing this work for a while and that I’ve been stepping into my butterflyness can actually be an excuse for the ego to judge myself.

This actually reminds me of a moment I heard Kyle Cease showing how the ego would take turns in showing up as the solution to the problem it created in the 1st place, judging its previous manifestation, almost as if peeling off skin and pretending to be another "entity", one after the other…

”How can that be?”, you may be asking yourself. Here’s how I see it:

Awakening and becoming aware of the Truth, of how this whole reality works and knowing nothing has any meaning except the meaning I give to it, the ego can easily keep me stuck under the illusion that tapping into feeling all these human emotions is nothing but a waste of time.


And from my experience, that’s not the way to actually heal and integrate whatever might need to be healed. We need to ALLOW and HONOUR the emotion, create a loving space for that to be expressed, fully SEE and ACCEPT it for what it is.

So... here's my COMMITMENT for this 2019 and for the rest of my life:

1 - SPEAK UP about my feelings;

2 - HONOUR my emotions has a manifestation of my HUMAN EXPERIENCE;

3 - CREATE SPACE to whatever may be showing up in my life, either in my inner or outer world;

4 - NURTURE my childlike CURIOSITY;

5 - DARE to be 5% MORE AUTHENTIC every step of the way until it becomes who I am (and if it doesn't, be ok with that too);

6 - LOVE MYSELF, treat myself with KINDNESS and COMPASSION (no different from what I would do to a puppy or a baby).

So, here’s my dare to you!

Grab a piece of paper and write down 5 traits you don’t like about yourself! Then, get your phone and record a video of you talking about it. If you want, you can pick one of the five and talk about that one.

Aren’t you curious to see what happens when you TALK about it? Aren’t you curious to find out what happens when you bring light into that shadow?

Of course you don’t have to share that video with anyone. You can even delete it afterwards.

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