Shadow — Blog

What happens when we actually talk about what we don’t like about ourselves? What happens when we bring light into the darkest aspects of ourselves?

Well, I was dared to write down five traits I don't like about myself, and to record a video talking about it. I didn’t have to post or show the video to anyone. I could even delete it afterwards.

“Come up with 5 things I don't like about myself? That’s EASY!!!”, I thought to myself. Well, not quite! Not only did it turn out to be harder than I thought to come up with those five things, but I also found myself stuck in that process: “Are these really THE ONES I don't like about myself?"

No wonder! One of the things I don't like about myself is second guessing myself!!!! LOL

Thinking I would be on my own (at least so I thought! The ego has interesting ways to get in the way of our growth - if you watch the video below, you’ll understand what I am talking about), I decided to sit with that assignment and record the video, and see what would come up.

JUICY AF, I must say!

Second guessing myself as a result of decades of people pleasing, and mastering the art of fitting in (without even knowing it) was brought to the light in this raw video. I guess this is me evolving OUT LOUD!

I then decided that posting the video to the public would be a huge step forward in facing the FEAR of being fully authentic. Posting the video isn’t about people watching it. It’s about me facing the fear of showing up so raw, unedited and unfiltered.

It’s a paralysing fear, and I am committed into not being held hostage by it.

It’s crazy to notice that there’s a big fear of what my family will think or say about me, crying in a video out into the public. Chances are they’ll think I’m crazy. But you know what?!

I’m NOT CRAZY. **I AM READY! I AM F*CKING READY!!!**

After all the release (that can be witnessed in the video below), I sat down with the experience, and here’s the insight I got from all that time talking to/with/about myself — if I don’t pay close attention, and fully connect to the truth of who I am, the fact that I have been doing this work for a while can actually be an excuse for the ego to judge me.

“How can that be?”, you may be asking yourself. Here’s how I see it:

The ego will take turns in showing up as the solution to the problem it created in the 1st place, judging its previous manifestation, almost as if peeling off skin, and pretending to be another "entity", one after the other…

Also, if I am not mindful, the ego can easily keep me stuck under the illusion that tapping into feeling all these human emotions is nothing but a waste of time, because “now I know better”.But here’s the thing… Spiritual bypass doesn’t work.

There’s no shortcuts to healing! We have to feel it to heal it! We need to ALLOW the emotion, honour it, create a loving space for it to be expressed, fully see it and ACCEPT it for what it is.

So... here's my commitment for this 2019 (and for the rest of my life):

1 - SPEAK UP about my feelings;

2 - HONOUR my emotions as a manifestation of my human experience;

3 - Create SPACE for whatever may be showing up in my life, either in my inner or outer world;

4 - NURTURE my childlike curiosity;

5 - DARE to be 5% more authentic every step of the way, until it becomes who I am (and if it doesn't, be ok with that too);

6 - LOVE MYSELF, treating myself with kindness and compassion (no different from what I would do to a puppy or a baby).

So, here’s my dare to you! Grab a piece of paper and write down 5 traits you don’t like about yourself! Then, get your phone and record a video of you talking about it. If you want, you can pick one of the five, and only talk about that one. Of course you don’t have to share that video with anyone. You can even delete it afterwards.

Aren’t you curious to see what happens when you TALK about it? Aren’t you curious to find out what happens when you bring light into that shadow?