self-confidence

No More Body Shame

It doesn’t matter how others see you! In the end what really matters is how you see yourself. It doesn’t matter how beautiful, intelligent or attractive others may find you. If you don’t see it or feel it yourself, in the end it is meaningless.


Once, in a retreat with my Buddhist Lama he asked “is the beauty in the flower or is the beauty in you?” I have been feeling into this for quite a while and I have been seeing how the image and judgement I hold of myself actually conditions my experience of others and the world. That’s such a debilitating filter to have!



I have always struggled with body image and weight issues and I’ve always judged myself really hard on that. No matter how many times my former partners would tell me I was beautiful, sexy, sensual… I have always struggled to take that in!

 

“How could they be so blind?”, I used to think. And many times, those compliments used to piss me off because I was forced to sit before my lack of self-love and I silently hated them for that. It was right there, crystal clear on my face… them… holding the mirror for me.

 

Beach pictures?! OMG! Those were always a nightmare. And if I ever dared to have one or another taken, I couldn’t put my eyes on them afterwards.

 

Last weekend was no exception. But this time, a more pure and authentic love was holding the mirror and I could do nothing else but SURRENDER… if I am actually REAL about this healing journey.

There we were, me and my 11-year-old kid, absolutely stunned by the beauty of the river, the blue sky, the warmth of winter sun, the boats, the seagulls, the sound of the distant stormy sea, kids laughing and playing… BLISS!

Usually I’m always the one behind the camera capturing these moments and having a blast doing it. Very occasionally I dare to ask to be photographed and last Saturday I did it. I have no idea what I was expecting to see in those pictures but without any surprise to me, I didn’t like them.

I kept looking at those pictures and I kept witnessing a cascade of judgmental thoughts rushing through my mind as I stared and stared… I kept staring and I began to crop them. Would I be able to find a way to be on those photos without “ruining” them? If I kept my upper body only maybe that should do it! Shit! Maybe not!

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And I found myself focusing on how much weight I have put on, how my belly stood out, how my comfy cotton yoga bra didn’t make my titties look sexy… and the list went on and on.

Why couldn’t they be as beautiful as I wanted them to be? Why the fuck couldn’t I fit into the beauty that was all around me? How come I had so much beauty inside to see the world beautiful but couldn’t see myself the same way?



And then… his sweet wise voice stopped me on my tracks! As he peeks over my shoulder to see what I was doing, he says: “Why are you cropping them? You’re ruining the pictures!”

OMG!!! He is so right! What am I teaching him with this behaviour? Can’t I just fully accept myself as I am RIGHT NOW? I am 46… when will that happen?!

And so I stopped! The cropping wasn’t saving either the pictures or me. Where else in life have I been cropping parts of myself? Let’s own this shit Teresa! What do you want your kid to grow up learning? Do you want your kid to grow up not loving himself or his body? Oh yes… I have also judged his body too. Not verbally! Not out loud! But I have silently judged his little belly that tends to show up too.

 

This has been on my mind since last Saturday and this morning, as I woke up and was getting ready for my yoga practise, I decided I would take some time to honour my body and hide no more. How fucking powerful is this body?! She was built to last! The scars are also a proof of that!

 

My body has endured giving life to two human beings and bringing them into the world through two painful and invasive caesareans. It has gone through the trauma of an epigastric hernia surgery… And what about all the unexpressed stuffed emotions it has had to deal with for ages? And what about all the anger trapped inside? What about all the judgement and making her look less than beautiful and perfect just the way she is? What about all the bad food choices and lack of exercise?

 

It’s because of this powerful body that I am allowed to FEEL DEEPLY!



As I stood there, honouring my body, pouring love onto my cells, my skin, my bones and my flesh, I dared to SEE myself as I asked for forgiveness. And what I saw was BEAUTIFUL!

I could fool myself into believing that I was being fully authentic and honouring my body by admitting the cropping of the pictures and showing you an original one (the only one that survived my frustration!). That surely would have been a big step too!

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But you know what'? I’ve had enough of this bullshit of body shaming myself!

So, knowing how creatively skilful I have become at deceiving myself after years of people pleasing, I want to DIVE right into the FEAR of being FULLY SEEN. Daring to dance with fear one more time, I want to step up my game and be COURAGEOUS to do what scares me right now. I want to shine a bright light on my body. I want to shine a light on SHAME that feeds off hiding and staying in the shadow.

 

My journey of honouring and loving my body starts today. And odds are that the true healing begins too.

 

If it was easy, SELF-LOVE wouldn’t be a REVOLUTIONARY act! Here’s to Self-Love Revolution!

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#HonourEveryBitOfYourProcess #EveryLittleStepMatters #SelfLoveRevolution #NoMoreBodyShame

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If you are a WOMAN and you would like to be part of an outstanding TRIBE of women from all over the world, ask to join Evolved Women Tribe. There you’ll also find a place for FUN, massive growth and evolvement, as well as SUPPORT in honoring the Divine Feminine.

Honour Every Step Of Your Process

Today I bring you my Banana Oatmeal Panckakes, which are not only healthy but also damn delicious. But actually, this isn’t a food post nor even a culinary blog.

So, you might be wondering why the heck I’m bringing these panckakes in here and sharing a recipe video with you. Or maybe not! Anyway... bear with me. There's a point to this!


Almost 3 years ago, when I started out Coaching and launching myself online as an international Life Coach, my phone had no internet (it was a Nokia Xpress Music - remember those?!) and later I bought my 1st (and only) android.


So, there I was, getting a hand on this whole new technology stuff and this website and blog were not even a project. At the time I had a male client who wanted to learn how to make these pancakes I do and I decided to give it a go, even though I didn't know how to put the video together. Knowing myself, I knew I would find a way! And I did find a way to put the different videos together.


OMG! Today, watching that video... oh man, it looks so... BASIC (for lack of a better word) 😂🤣
Free advertising, I guess … ;)


Here’s why I decided to share this video with you here (OMG, I’m actually doing this!). I have 3 reasons for doing it:

1) The Panckakes

They are healthy, so delicious and there's been lots of people asking me for the recipe. I always make them intuitively, so the VIDEO surely helps ;) (I hope!)

2) Courage

I want to DARE myself to be VULNERABLE and keep showing up AUTHENTIC!

Do I know better today? Sure! I not only know better but I also have different tools which allow me to make nicer videos. I have to admit that I was tempted to make one to post here ;)

And I also want you to know that there's a part of me that's TOTALLY NOT HAPPY about me sharing this AT ALL! 😂🤣 And that’s the reason I’m doing it anyway!


3) The Life Lesson

We all have to start somewhere and build it from there and many times, if not most of the times, BEGINNINGS don’t look neat or pretty or polished but it was that very first step which actually took you to where you are today.

So, remember… HONOUR EVERY MOMENT OF YOUR PROCESS!

Every Little Step Matters!

 

Like this article? Would anyone you know benefit from it? Share it!If you are a WOMAN and you would like to be part of an outstanding TRIBE of women from all over the world, ask to join Evolved Women Tribe. There you’ll also find a place for FUN, massive growth and evolvement, as well as SUPPORT in honoring the Divine Feminine.

Speak The F*ck Up

I have been doing a lot of personal work and lately I have been following Kyle Alan Cease.
I joined his community and in one of his videos he dared us to write down 5 traits we don't like about ourselves and record a video talking about it. We didn’t have to post or show the video to anyone. We could even delete it afterwards.

The idea was to find out what happens when we actually talk about what we don’t like about ourselves. What happens when we bring light into the darkest aspects of ourselves?

“Come up with 5 things I don't like about myself? EASY!!!”

Well, not only did it turn out to be harder than I thought to come up with those five, but I also found myself stuck in that process!

“Are these really THE ONES I don't like about myself?" No wonder!!!! One of the things that I don't like about myself is second guessing myself!!!! LOL

Today, since I would be on my own (at least so I thought! The ego has interesting ways to get in the way of our growth - watch the video and you’ll understand what I am talking about) I decided to sit with that assignment and record the video and see what would come up.

JUICY AF I must say!

Second guessing myself as a result of decades of people pleasing and mastering the art of fitting in (without even knowing it) was brought to the light in this raw video.

I guess this is me EVOLVING OUT LOUD!

I then decided that posting this video to the public would be a huge step forward in facing the FEAR of being fully authentic. There’s always a big fear of what my family will think or say about me, crying in a video out into the public.

Chances are they’ll think I’m crazy! But you know what?! I’m NOT CRAZY!!!

I AM READY!!!! I AM F*CKING READY!!!

After all the release you can witness in the video below, I sat down and here’s the INSIGHT I got from all that time talking to/with myself:

If I don’t pay close attention and fully connect to the truth of who I am, the fact that I have been doing this work for a while and that I’ve been stepping into my butterflyness can actually be an excuse for the ego to judge myself.

This actually reminds me of a moment I heard Kyle Cease showing how the ego would take turns in showing up as the solution to the problem it created in the 1st place, judging its previous manifestation, almost as if peeling off skin and pretending to be another "entity", one after the other…

”How can that be?”, you may be asking yourself. Here’s how I see it:

Awakening and becoming aware of the Truth, of how this whole reality works and knowing nothing has any meaning except the meaning I give to it, the ego can easily keep me stuck under the illusion that tapping into feeling all these human emotions is nothing but a waste of time.


And from my experience, that’s not the way to actually heal and integrate whatever might need to be healed. We need to ALLOW and HONOUR the emotion, create a loving space for that to be expressed, fully SEE and ACCEPT it for what it is.

So... here's my COMMITMENT for this 2019 and for the rest of my life:

1 - SPEAK UP about my feelings;

2 - HONOUR my emotions has a manifestation of my HUMAN EXPERIENCE;

3 - CREATE SPACE to whatever may be showing up in my life, either in my inner or outer world;

4 - NURTURE my childlike CURIOSITY;

5 - DARE to be 5% MORE AUTHENTIC every step of the way until it becomes who I am (and if it doesn't, be ok with that too);

6 - LOVE MYSELF, treat myself with KINDNESS and COMPASSION (no different from what I would do to a puppy or a baby).

So, here’s my dare to you!

Grab a piece of paper and write down 5 traits you don’t like about yourself! Then, get your phone and record a video of you talking about it. If you want, you can pick one of the five and talk about that one.

Aren’t you curious to see what happens when you TALK about it? Aren’t you curious to find out what happens when you bring light into that shadow?

Of course you don’t have to share that video with anyone. You can even delete it afterwards.

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If you are a WOMAN and you would like to be part of an outstanding TRIBE of women from all over the world, ask to join Evolved Women Tribe . There you’ll also find a place for massive growth and evolvement, as well as honoring the Divine Feminine.

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Facing Fear

I faced FEAR today!

Holy shit... My legs shook like hell... I felt my heart biting in every inch of my body... It was not death but it sure felt like it!

- B*itch, STOP this car R.I.G.H.T N.O.W! - Fear yelled.

In that moment I felt trapped. It felt way too dangerous and way too scary to keep driving up the mountain. The road was too narrow and so damn steep!!!! I could see the road disappearing under the car as I curved… OMG!!! It seemed the car was flying… all I could see was the car and the sky!

F*ck!!! My car has no wings and neither do I!

At that point, the only way to feeling great and safe again (OMG, I wanted it so badly!) was to go all the way up! Literally, there was no turning back! Suddenly, the fear of keep moving forward became smaller than turning the car around and so I kept going.

When I finally stopped the car, it felt like a huge relief! My legs were shaking and I could barely walk! I took some deep breaths in and out and walked all the way up to the top. And you know what? Fear wouldn’t shut up:

- Are you happy now? I hope this shit was worth it! What do you expect to find here? There are only big rocks here! And you’re also afraid of rocks, remember?

As I watched my son exploring the surroundings, I fooled myself into the illusion that I was enjoying myself hiding behind the camera and taking some pictures of him. Fear wasn’t going anywhere and it wasn’t giving up either, as it shouted:

- How the hell are you going to drive your way down? I can’t believe you brought us here!

Fear was hysterical and for me to be able to live that experience fully, I had to take a moment to acknowledge its presence, breathe and let it know that everything was going to be ok (at this point I am fooling myself… what else can I do? Fake it until you make it!).

Yes, it seemed dangerous! Yes, it looked and felt scary... But I would drive very slowly and carefully on the way down! If others can do it, I can also do it myself!

Now, there was nothing Fear could do but I… I could choose: I could freak out or I could enjoy the wonderful experience of being there, at the mountain top! I mean, being truly and actually there and NOT pretending that I was there!

And so I made a decision - I decided I wanted to BE FULLY PRESENT!

Fear stood there, aside, arms crossed, grumbling and waiting for the moment to go down:

- This b*tch, since she met that Tony Robbins guy and walked on that fire, she doesn't listen to me like she used to... and with all that meditation and self-development bullsh*t she is into, she thinks she can dare and defy me... Well... I gotta say that we’ve been to some quite amazing places and met some extraordinary people but …

(bla bla bla)

SILENCE entered my body! I don’t recall ever experiencing that kind of silence! The immense space before my eyes, all the mountains around, the different autumn colours blending together and kissing the blue of the sky, two birds flying around and playing together in a dance only they understood…

The silence and I became one! And in that moment, I was FREE!

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On the way down... OMG... Fear was freaking out again and making a scene!

As I write this and share this story with you, I found it very curious to witness my reaction to feeling trapped and scared - I wanted it to STOP! I wanted to quit! I froze and I wanted someone to come and save me. I wanted to throw the towel and have someone come and pick the car and get it out of there.



I guess this is exactly what Tony Robbins means when he says that if you want to take the island, you gotta burn the damn boats. Having escaping doors will make you use them when standing before Fear.

I wonder how many times we all go through moments like this where we feel fearful, scared and we want to give up, run away or have someone to come and save us?!



So, if I could share something powerful and transformational with you, here are TWO things I would say:

1) What is your biggest fear in life? What are you most afraid of in your life?

STOP reading now and take a moment to write down what comes up for you when you ask yourself this question. (I hope you have PAUSED!)

2) What could be a fear bigger than that fear? What could it be that you could fear even more than the thing you fear the most?

What if the only way to going down and feeling great again is going all the way up?

At the top of the moutain…

At the top of the moutain…

If you are a WOMAN ask to join Evolved Women Tribe . There you’ll find a place for massive growth and evolvement, as well as honoring the Divine Feminine.

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The Question That Shaped My Life

Back in December 2016 I was at Tony Robbins’s six-day seminar in Florida, Date with Destiny and there I had A LOT of Breakthroughs. Another word for that would be Insight. For those of you who have not been to a TR event or haven’t heard much about him, the best thing you can do to understand what he is truly about is to watch the documentary I’m Not Your Guru on Netflix.

One of the countless things I’ve learned from Tony Robbins was that QUESTIONS determine your focus and what you focus on is what you experience and what you get from life.

So, today I want to tell you about a major aha moment I had with what he calls the PRIMARY QUESTION.

A Primary Question is a dominant question you ask yourself on a consistent basis and that filters your thinking (conscious and unconscious). It’s a question that pops up constantly across contexts. Even if you aren’t consciously aware of it, you believe that if you live by this question, you will feel ultimate success, pleasure and fulfilment.

Your identity is often tied to this question. You experience life through the lenses of it.

Now that you know what a primary question is, let me share with you what MY primary question has been for 44 years.

I have lived my life through the lens of this question - “How can I make this better?”.

For me, life, in all its areas, was always about improving, making better, making more effective, more inspirational, more impactful. I was always looking for ways to make anything, I mean, ANYTHING better.

The magical thing about having a “ahah” moment with Tony Robbins is that he always makes sure you find the higher intent behind any of your behaviour/decision/emotion. So I was able to, not only uncover that primary question, but also see both the benefits and the downsides of it.

As TR also teaches us, first let’s go for the upsides of that. What were the empowering effects that came about for asking that question? What did that question do for me?

Well, here’s what I found out! To consistently ask myself that question I believed that there’s always a better way; that there’s always space for improvement; that change is needed and that change is something positive. I learned not to settle, to become more creative, more determined and I grew up into a hungry and insatiable woman.

And what about the downsides? What did that cost me?

I must confess this was a very deep and emotional moment. When I was face to face with the truth of it, I cried as I became aware that I was always too hard on myself, always demanding too much from me; I didn’t enjoy being myself because I was always looking for ways to make ME better, and that means in some moments I was making ME wrong.

I would always try to “fix” others and make them better, as if there was anything wrong with them… Can you imagine how I have made people feel in the past? OMG, so many things I did wrong with my kids and my relationships. It’s a fact that what I did to myself I would do to others.

I know I did the best I could with the resources I had but it hurt like hell to think about the pain I caused, specially to my kids.

TR helped me find out WHY I had that as my primary question.

For some reason (well, like I said I had a lot of breakthroughs, so I know the reason, but I’ll tell you about that in another post) I had this belief that if I didn’t make things better, more inspirational, more impactful, etc., people wouldn’t notice me, I would be unseen, which means I would be ignored, which means I would be insignificant, which means I wouldn’t be loved.

What a scary frightened little girl there was living inside of me!

So now, I cherish and nurture that part of me, the scary one, the one looking for love and significance. And I also forgave myself for the pain I caused to my kids.

If we are always looking for ways to make things/people better, we are not allowing space for things/people to be just the way they are.

Many times, WE just want to be loved, THEY just want to be loved, I just want to be loved… unconditionally loved being imperfectly perfect. And there are moments that we just need to BE and not DO. After all, “are you a human being or a human doing?” (Tony Robbins)

So… I am so thrilled and excited to share with you my NEW Primary Question – “How can I appreciate even more the beauty and the perfection of what is in this present moment, trusting that I am always guided?”

Can you imagine how different my life will be having this question as a filtering lense?

Now, I’m curious to know…

What is a question you repeatedly ask yourself? What do you consistently focus on? What question do you ask most often based on this focus?

It’s my deepest wish that this story may help you in some way and I would love to know what your primary questions are. So, please leave your comments below.

And remember, YOU are imperfectly perfect.

If you are a WOMAN and you would like to be part of an outstanding TRIBE of women from all over the world, ask to join Evolved Women Tribe . There you’ll also find a place for massive growth and evolvement, as well as honoring the Divine Feminine.

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Have You Loved Yourself Today?

Today I had a breakthrough! I have just experienced with full awareness how subtle this self-love thing can be and I wanted to share it with you! There's a chance that some part of this story may resonate with you and you can take out some value from it.

Last December I made great, awesome and unique friends at Tony Robbins' Date with Destiny in Florida, USA. (for those of you who don't know about Tony Robbins or if you even wonder what that event is about I would suggest that you watch "I am Not Your Guru" on Netflix.)

One of these amazing new friends, a phenomenal woman and so talented artist, Susie Suh, sent me all the way from the USA four essential oils to help me recover faster from an epigastric hernia surgery. When the oils arrived, she explained me what I needed to do to apply them. So, the only thing I needed was to get some carrier oil, like coconut or almond oil or even any other, blend it with some drops of the essential oils and massage my belly in the area where the hernia used to be.

Guess what?! It has been 6 days since those oils arrived and I haven’t applied them yet. Why not? “I don’t have the carrier oil”, I thought. “When I get it, I’ll do it!” And then I asked myself: “when are you going to buy it?”; “what are you waiting for?”

How come that woman, Susie, used her time and energy to go to the post office and send me those oils and I wouldn’t take 5 minutes to buy the carrier oil? Did she love me more than I loved myself? This questions made me tremble! Very often, things aren’t what they seem to be! I was hiding behind the excuse that I didn’t have the carrier oil, when in fact the truth is that I was not loving myself and making myself a priority. Why was that?

And that was when it hit me!

Even though I’ve walked a long path on this healing journey of loving myself, this is a daily process and I can’t take it for granted or as something I can be distracted from. I need to be present! I need to be mindful and to daily remind myself to love myself …

Being naïvely distracted from my own self is a recipe for disaster. I need to stand guard at the door of my mind while taking care of my inner garden, otherwise weeds will grow.

In the past, every time I engaged in any behaviour that would make me feel important or loved, even if it was just a glimpse of it, guilt and blame would be riding the thoughts “who the hell do you think you are?”; “what?! Do you think you’re special?” or “what do you think makes you so fucking special?”… and it would go on and on and on…

The truth is that I wanted so badly to be loved ... So I thought I had to stay low, to be less, to play small, and without even knowing it, I was annihilating myself so deeply that my soul started aching.

Because Life is a wonderful teacher, it keeps bringing me all sorts of different situations so that I understand how important I am and that there’s nothing wrong about it.

Life keeps showing me that there’s no reason to feel guilty for making myself a priority and for feeling that I am important and that I do matter.

Life keeps showing me that if I think I’m not important nothing else will ever be.

Every time I neglect my own needs and every time I don’t love myself, I suffer. And from that suffering place, I judge others, I get angry, I get frustrated, I doubt my own capacities, my own strengths, my own inner power, my own inner voice, my soul, my spirit.

And that’s when fear kicks in! That’s when the mind starts to rule my life; that’s when the mind kicks the heart out and runs over it, shutting its voice, its truth, its wisdom.

True Wisdom and True Love live only in the heart, not in the mind!

How can I think anyone else is more important than me, if we are all connected? We are not separate!

It all begins with me and in me! I need to be the change I want to see in the world and that’s why I am 100% committed into loving myself, cherish myself and honour myself, and that means loving myself unconditionally, with the shadow and light that live within me.

Fully committed in loving myself so that I can love others, I went to buy the carrier oil and all it took was 5 minutes of my time and 1,14 euros. 

What about you? Have you loved yourself today?

Let me know in the comments if this resonates with you in any point. I would love to read it!

If you are a WOMAN and you would like to be part of an outstanding TRIBE of women from all over the world, ask to join Evolved Women Tribe . There you’ll also find a place for massive growth and evolvement, as well as honoring the Divine Feminine.

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