What if messing up is succeeding?

If you are any little bit like me, my guess is that you find yourself over and over again coming back to a place you thought you had already mastered, and you wouldn’t be messing up that one again. It can be a relationship, body issues, eating habits… actually it can be anything. And then you beat yourself up, and get caught in the net of the unproductive “why can’t I” will-take-you-nowhere mantra.

Does this ever happen to you? I know it does happen to me.

In life, many many times we don't get things right, either on the 1st round, or the 2nd or even the 3rd or ... (ok, enough! You know what I mean, right?!). We mess up and we mess up like pros! Or maybe not!!!!

What if we aren’t really messing up? What if we are indeed succeeding?

Life is like flying an airplane. Did you know that a plane is off course over 90% of the time? Due to weather conditions, turbulence, and other factors, it gets off track, and it is the pilot who makes course corrections and keeps coming back to the flight plan, bringing the plane back on course. The same happens with our lives.

If we see every instant of life as an opportunity to grow, instead of beating ourselves up thinking we failed; if we see every challenge life throws at us as a chance to upgrade ourselves, instead of dumping a whole bunch of shitty judgements all over ourselves; if we can take a setback as a moment to make course corrections when we find ourselves off track, then we may discover that life is not about Balance but instead, it is about BALANCING.

Life is dynamic, not static. Life is change, not permanence. Life is a VERB, not a noun.  

This version of me wouldn't be possible without the former version of me. And neither of them is better or worse than the other... They build on each other, as we step into the greater version of ourselves, as we remove the excess of the marble until the final masterpiece we already are is revealed to us.

We are not a masterpiece in the making. We are a masterpiece in the unfolding!

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Facing Fear

I faced FEAR today!

Holy shit... My legs shook like hell... I felt my heart beating in every inch of my body... It was not death but it sure felt like it!

— B*itch, STOP this car R.I.G.H.T N.O.W! — Fear yelled.

In that moment I felt trapped. It felt way too dangerous, and way too scary, to keep driving up the mountain. The road was too narrow and so damn steep. I could see the road disappearing under the car as I curved… OMG!!! It seemed the car was flying — all I could see was the car and the sky.

F*ck!!! My car has no wings and neither do I!

At that point, the only way to feeling great and safe again (OMG, I wanted it so badly!) was to go all the way up! Literally, there was no turning back.

Suddenly, the fear of keep moving forward became smaller than turning the car around, and so I kept going.

When I finally stopped the car, it felt like a huge relief! My legs were shaking, and I could barely walk! I took some deep breaths in and out, and walked all the way up to the top.

And you know what? Fear wouldn’t shut up:

— Are you happy now? I hope this shit was worth it! What do you expect to find here? There are only big rocks here! And you’re also afraid of rocks, remember?

As I watched my son exploring the surroundings, I fooled myself into the illusion that I was enjoying myself, hiding behind the camera, and taking some pictures of him. Fear wasn’t going anywhere, and it wasn’t giving up either, as it shouted:

— How the hell are you going to drive your way down? I can’t believe you brought us here!

Fear was hysterical, and for me to be able to live that experience fully, I had to take a moment to acknowledge its presence, breathe and let it know that everything was going to be ok.

(At this point I am fooling myself… what else can I do? Fake it until you make it!).

Yes, it seemed dangerous! Yes, it looked and felt scary... But I would drive very slowly and carefully on the way down. If others can do it, I can also do it myself.

Now, there was nothing Fear could do, but I… I could choose: I could freak out or I could enjoy the wonderful experience of being there, at the mountain top. I mean, being truly and actually there, and NOT pretending that I was there!

And so I made a decision. I decided I wanted to BE FULLY PRESENT!

Fear stood there, aside, arms crossed, grumbling and waiting for the moment to go down:

— This b*tch, since she met that Tony Robbins guy and walked on that fire, she doesn't listen to me like she used to... and with all that meditation and self-development bullsh*t she is into, she thinks she can dare and defy me... Well... I gotta say that we’ve been to some quite amazing places, and met some extraordinary people but …

(bla bla bla)

SILENCE entered my body! I don’t recall ever experiencing that kind of silence. The immense space before my eyes, all the mountains around, the different autumn colours blending together and kissing the blue of the sky, two birds flying around and playing together in a dance only they understood…

The silence and I became one! And in that moment, I was FREE!

On the way down... OMG... Fear was freaking out again and making a scene!

As I write this and share this story with you, I found it very curious to witness my reaction to feeling trapped and scared — I wanted it to STOP! I wanted to quit! I froze, and I wanted someone to come and save me. I wanted to throw the towel and have someone come and get my car out of there.

I guess this is exactly what Tony Robbins means, when he says that if you want to take the island, you gotta burn the damn boats. Having escape doors will make you use them when standing before Fear.

I wonder how many times we all go through moments like this where we feel fearful, or scared, and we want to give up, run away or have someone to come and save us?!

So, if I could share something powerful and transformational with you, here are TWO things I would say:

1) What is your biggest fear in life? What are you most afraid of in your life?

STOP reading now, and take a moment to write down what comes up for you when you ask yourself that question.

(I hope you have PAUSED!)

2) What could be a fear bigger than that fear? What could it be that you could fear even more than the thing you fear the most?

What if the only way to going down and feeling great again is going all the way up?

At the top of the moutain…

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A Small Rock & a Life Lesson on SUCCESS

That day, the Spring sun was shining and I felt like going into nature. After driving for 15 minutes, we ended up on the side of the river. People were already sunbathing, kids were playing in the water, dogs were swimming and chasing balls. And we were just stopping by, no bathing suit nor towel... only my deep desire to go and be near the water.

Gui (10) was having fun throwing small rocks into the river, and he soon decided to raise the bar. He went on a mission to take out a hand sized rock that was stuck under the earth.  After a quick look around, he grabbed a tiny nail sized rock, and started digging around the bigger one. He dug for quite some time, and the big rock was getting more and more exposed. I could tell he would be able to grab it and pull it out shortly.

So, there I was, with these thoughts in my head when I hear:

— Mum, I quit!

Life, being a great teacher, was presenting me with an opportunity to teach him something really powerful about life and the challenges it brings us.

And so I tell him:

— After spending so much time digging and putting so much effort on that challenge, are you going to quit now? Did you know that usually when we quit something, we are only 2 millimetres away from achieving our goal? Let's try something! You go back in there, and just keep digging for 2 more minutes, and let's see what happens.

Shortly after, he triumphantly raised the rock, and threw it into the river.

You see, in life it's never the lack of resources that stops you from successfully achieving your goals and making your dreams come true. RESOURCEFULNESS IS THE KEY!

Knowing his outcome, being creative to use that nail sized rock as a digging tool, being persistent, staying consistent and being resilient enough to not give up on his desired outcome — All of it, allowed him to achieve his goal.

We excitedly celebrated his success, rewarding his determination. And do you know what happened next? He dared to dream bigger! He then went for a really big rock, found himself a thick sharpened stick as a tool, and went on a new mission — and this time he didn't even consider giving up.

In life, small successes take us closer to bigger dreams.

When you feel like quitting, usually you are only 2 mm away from succeeding at whatever outcome you are going after. Get really clear on your outcome, become a really resourceful person, and keep on following those dreams of yours!

Actual photo of his mission

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