Fear

Coming Out Of The Woo Woo Closet

It's been a week since I've faced the greatest fear ever and came out to the world as a spiritual channel. Today, a beautiful sunny Sunday, I'm all by myself sitting by the river, feeling the sun on my skin and my bare feet on the grass.


The thoughts in my head are just like the thousands of frogs singing in the river - I get to decide if they will be music or noise. The mind wants me to believe there is definitely something wrong with me. How could I possibly feel at home within myself here alone when it seems everyone walking by has more exciting things to do? But today I'm not believing any of those thoughts. There's a beauty, a peacefulness and an ease about this place I'm writing from.


Having gone through all that fear last week as I wanted to share with the world what's been happening for the last 10 years as far as the channeling is concerned, having walked that fire and coming through to the other side in one piece and alive (yes, it did feel like I was going to die!), has me feeling a different woman today.


Today I'm feeling an Empowered Woman! I'm feeling a total badass and mainly — I am feeling FREE! Secrecy keeps us prisoners in the darkness!


My guide has been inviting me to TRUST over and over again and having such a logical mind I've fought all these years to really own these gifts. I have tried so many things. I've pushed it away, I've stuffed it down, I've made myself wrong over and over again. There was a moment I've even asked that, if it really did have to happen, then to please make me an unconscious channel. I couldn't think of anything more weird, more out of the box then me, a logical person, be made into a conscious channel that is always present, sees and hears everything and have the mind want to interpret everything, when nothing of it makes any sense to the mind.


On a journey to RECLAIMING MY VOICE and speaking my TRUTH, never in a million years would I even dare to think that I would have to listen to myself speaking a language my mind doesn't understand. A language I don't even know what it is or even if it's spoken anywhere else in the world. I got tired of doing research on it!


There is nowhere for me to hide. This has to happen and the more I resisted it, the more obstacles I began facing in my life and the more intense the spiritual pain got. My soul craves to be fully heard and seen and I didn't understand this was part of it.


Back to last week… what was that fear? What was that fear all about?
It was a fear that did not come from my mind. I couldn’t consciously pinpoint a reason to be afraid. It was in my body, in my cells, in my bones. It was everywhere within my being. My whole body ached as I was facing the fear and was getting ready to speak up. A memory stored in my DNA, a past life and a promise made under torture, kept on for many many lives. A promise that I would never teach high spiritual wisdom again. Guess what I'm being called to teach?!


I started my life by teaching English but I've always felt I was meant to teach something else. I just didn't know what it was. As years went by, I would find myself looking for ways to make the subject I had to teach from the English curriculum fit into a more social perspective, craving to bring awareness into certain subjects and looking to stir those students'  souls. When I look back, I was always a teacher that would ask thought-provoking questions. I was a teacher who would not follow the usual structure and usual way of doing things. I was a rebel teacher!


What has to happen will happen, no matter how long it takes! After 24 years teaching grammar, vocabulary, fashion, recipes, among others, back in 2014 life pushed me to the corner to call for my attention. And it certainly did!

Here I am today, 5 years later, a very different woman, willing to open myself to the scary yet also fascinating experience of living a fully AUTHENTIC life and express myself as I am, letting the world see me in my wholeness expressing my truth. I want to be able to express myself FREELY and owning my gifts is part of that FREEDOM

Here I am today, owning and sharing with the world that my truth, now, is that I've been channelling a very beautiful guide for over 10 years and that I not only listen and write what SHE has to say, but also that SHE also expresses herself through me speaking in a language which my mind doesn't understand but my heart does.

IMG_2035.jpg

What about you? Is there anything in your life you KNOW you’re being called to do and yet fear cripples you and holds you back? If it is so, then you and I should have a conversation.




Facing Fear

I faced FEAR today!

Holy shit... My legs shook like hell... I felt my heart beating in every inch of my body... It was not death but it sure felt like it!

— B*itch, STOP this car R.I.G.H.T N.O.W! — Fear yelled.

In that moment I felt trapped. It felt way too dangerous, and way too scary, to keep driving up the mountain. The road was too narrow and so damn steep. I could see the road disappearing under the car as I curved… OMG!!! It seemed the car was flying — all I could see was the car and the sky.

F*ck!!! My car has no wings and neither do I!

At that point, the only way to feeling great and safe again (OMG, I wanted it so badly!) was to go all the way up! Literally, there was no turning back.

Suddenly, the fear of keep moving forward became smaller than turning the car around, and so I kept going.

When I finally stopped the car, it felt like a huge relief! My legs were shaking, and I could barely walk! I took some deep breaths in and out, and walked all the way up to the top.

And you know what? Fear wouldn’t shut up:

— Are you happy now? I hope this shit was worth it! What do you expect to find here? There are only big rocks here! And you’re also afraid of rocks, remember?

As I watched my son exploring the surroundings, I fooled myself into the illusion that I was enjoying myself, hiding behind the camera, and taking some pictures of him. Fear wasn’t going anywhere, and it wasn’t giving up either, as it shouted:

— How the hell are you going to drive your way down? I can’t believe you brought us here!

Fear was hysterical, and for me to be able to live that experience fully, I had to take a moment to acknowledge its presence, breathe and let it know that everything was going to be ok.

(At this point I am fooling myself… what else can I do? Fake it until you make it!).

Yes, it seemed dangerous! Yes, it looked and felt scary... But I would drive very slowly and carefully on the way down. If others can do it, I can also do it myself.

Now, there was nothing Fear could do, but I… I could choose: I could freak out or I could enjoy the wonderful experience of being there, at the mountain top. I mean, being truly and actually there, and NOT pretending that I was there!

And so I made a decision. I decided I wanted to BE FULLY PRESENT!

Fear stood there, aside, arms crossed, grumbling and waiting for the moment to go down:

— This b*tch, since she met that Tony Robbins guy and walked on that fire, she doesn't listen to me like she used to... and with all that meditation and self-development bullsh*t she is into, she thinks she can dare and defy me... Well... I gotta say that we’ve been to some quite amazing places, and met some extraordinary people but …

(bla bla bla)

SILENCE entered my body! I don’t recall ever experiencing that kind of silence. The immense space before my eyes, all the mountains around, the different autumn colours blending together and kissing the blue of the sky, two birds flying around and playing together in a dance only they understood…

The silence and I became one! And in that moment, I was FREE!

23825467_2007258519290374_1611427628_o.jpg

On the way down... OMG... Fear was freaking out again and making a scene!

As I write this and share this story with you, I found it very curious to witness my reaction to feeling trapped and scared — I wanted it to STOP! I wanted to quit! I froze, and I wanted someone to come and save me. I wanted to throw the towel and have someone come and get my car out of there.



I guess this is exactly what Tony Robbins means, when he says that if you want to take the island, you gotta burn the damn boats. Having escape doors will make you use them when standing before Fear.

I wonder how many times we all go through moments like this where we feel fearful, or scared, and we want to give up, run away or have someone to come and save us?!



So, if I could share something powerful and transformational with you, here are TWO things I would say:

1) What is your biggest fear in life? What are you most afraid of in your life?

STOP reading now, and take a moment to write down what comes up for you when you ask yourself that question.

(I hope you have PAUSED!)

2) What could be a fear bigger than that fear? What could it be that you could fear even more than the thing you fear the most?

What if the only way to going down and feeling great again is going all the way up?

At the top of the moutain…

At the top of the moutain…

Like this article? Who do you think would benefit from reading this article? Please click the share button.

The Question That Shaped My Life

Back in December 2016, I was at Tony Robbins’s six-day seminar in Florida, Date with Destiny and there I had A LOT of breakthroughs (another word for that would be insight). For those of you who have not been to a TR event or haven’t heard much about him, the best thing you can do to understand what he is truly about is to watch the documentary I’m Not Your Guru on Netflix.

One of the countless things I’ve learned from Tony Robbins is that QUESTIONS determine your focus, and what you focus on is what you experience and what you get from life.

So, today I want to tell you about a major aha moment I had with what he calls the PRIMARY QUESTION.

A Primary Question is a dominant question you ask yourself on a consistent basis, and that filters your thinking (conscious and unconscious). It’s a question that pops up constantly across contexts. Even if you aren’t consciously aware of it, you believe that if you live by this question, you will feel ultimate success, pleasure and fulfilment. Your identity is often tied to this question. You experience life through the lenses of it.

Now that you know what a primary question is, let me share with you what MY primary question has been for 44 years.

I have lived my life through the lens of this question — “How can I make this better?”.

For me, life, in all its areas, was always about improving, making better, making more effective, more inspirational, more impactful. I was always looking for ways to make anything, I mean, ANYTHING better.

The magical thing about having a “aha” moment with Tony Robbins is that he always makes sure you find the higher intent behind any of your behaviour / decision / emotion. So, not only was I able to uncover that primary question, but to also see both the benefits and the downsides of it.

As TR also teaches us, first let’s go for the UPSIDES of that. What were the empowering effects that came about for asking that question? What did that question do for me?

Well, here’s what I found out: to consistently ask myself that question, I believed that there’s always a better way; that there’s always space for improvement; that change is needed, and that change is something positive. I learned not to settle, to become more creative and more determined.

And what about the DOWNSIDES? What did that cost me?

I must confess this was a very deep and emotional moment. When I was face to face with the truth of it, I cried as I became aware that I was always too hard on myself, always demanding too much from me; I didn’t enjoy being myself because I was always looking for ways to make ME better, and that means in some moments I was making ME wrong.

I would always try to “fix” others and make them better, as if there was anything wrong with them… Can you imagine how I have made people feel in the past? OMG, so many things I did wrong with my kids and my relationships. It’s a fact that what I did to myself I would do to others. I know I did the best I could with the resources I had but it hurt like hell to think about the pain I caused, especially to my kids.

TR helped me find out WHY I had that as my primary question.

For some reason (well, like I said I had a lot of breakthroughs, so I know the reason, but I’ll tell you about that in another post) I had this belief that if I didn’t make things better, more inspirational, more impactful, etc., people wouldn’t notice me, I would be unseen, which means I would be ignored, which means I would be insignificant, which means I wouldn’t be loved.

What a scary frightened little girl there was living inside of me!

So now, I cherish and nurture that part of me, the scary one, the one looking for love and significance. And I also forgave myself for the pain I caused to my kids.

If we are always looking for ways to make things/people better, we are not allowing space for things/people to be just the way they are.

Many times, WE just want to be loved, THEY just want to be loved, I just want to be loved… unconditionally loved, being imperfectly perfect.

And there are moments that we just need to BE and not DO. After all, are we human beings or human doings?

So… I am so thrilled and excited to share with you my NEW Primary Question

“How can I appreciate even more the beauty and the perfection of what is in this present moment, trusting that I am always guided?”

Can you imagine how different my life will be having this question as a filtering lens?

Now, I’m curious to know…

What is a question you repeatedly ask yourself? What do you consistently focus on? What question do you ask most often based on this focus?

It’s my deepest wish that this story may help you in some way, and I would love to know what your primary question is. So, please leave your comment below.

And remember, YOU are imperfectly perfect.

Like this article? Yippee hurrah! Who do you think would benefit from reading this article? Please click the share button.

If Fear Was A Pokemon

How do you talk about FEAR to a 9-year-old?

The other day I had to talk about FEAR with my son, and it required me to get creative. I could not definitely talk to him about fear the way I talk to my clients.

Gui came home after school feeling really scared. This was not usual, and so I got curious about it and stayed vigilant. It didn’t take long to find out that another boy from his class had taken a book to school which was about ghosts and horror stories.

Gui was feeling so scared that he didn't even want to walk in the dark areas of the house. So, that evening I decided to join him as he was brushing his teeth before going to bed. I could see fear was really playing a big role that night, and so I asked him, in a very curious tone of voice:

— Gui, if fear was a Pokémon, what Pokémon would it be?

(Let me just add here that I know NOTHING about Pokémons except that he is CRAZY about that!)

He was somewhat surprised by my question, so I repeated it.

— Gastly, mum. (I had to first learn to say the name because he was saying it HIS way)

As I said before, I know nothing about Pokémons but I remembered something that could be really useful. Over the last years there's a word I've been correcting him on, because of the way he pronounces it, and that word is EVOLUTION. So, I knew that Pokémons have evolutions, and that was just what I needed for me to be able to talk to him about FEAR.

After exploring with him a bit of the story of "Gastly", the FEAR Pokémon, he told me its evolution was "Haunter" (a really suitable name, I might say!), and this also had another evolution, called "Gengar". Well, this post is not about Pokémons, but bear with me… there’s a lesson in here.

Now that I had gained his trust, and I was really listening to a subject that he adores (and to which I had never paid attention before), I had won the right and the space to do my own magic.

Does fear start really strong? Does fear evolve into a much stronger version of itself, like pókemons do? SURE! How? By feeding it, believing in it, allowing it to take control over our lives, stopping us from taking action on our dreams, our goals, or whatever it is that we want to do with (or in) our lives.

I heard Tony Robbins say at Unleash the Power Within, "kill the monster before it turns into a F**king Godzilla".

And how do we kill the monster? Taking action! Feel the fear but do it anyway!

So, there I was, putting my boy to sleep, but not before I ask him to pick up the Gameboy (or something of that type that his cousin lent him) and to show me those pókemons. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing… I could almost hear him thinking “my mum wants ME to play, and SHE wants to see it?”

He was so excited to be showing me the game he loves, and which I understand nothing of. And then I ask him:

— Gui, who decides if the Pokémon evolves or not? You or the Pokémon?

— Me, mum!

— If the Pokémon has evolved to its last evolution, who is more powerful? You or the Pokémon?

— Me, mum!

— Who is playing the game? You or the Pokémon?

— Me, mum!

— Who has the power to shut this game off? You or the Pokémon?

— Me, mum!

— The same with FEAR my son! You see it, you feel it but YOU are in charge, YOU are playing the game, not fear. But, like the Pokémons, the more you feed it, the more attention you pay to it, the stronger it will become. We don't want fear to become "Gengar"... we want to deal with fear while it's still "Gastly". And Gastly is an important Pokémon because it keeps you safe, it makes you be watchful as you cross the street, it keeps you away from the fire… so it’s a good thing.

If you could just see the look in his eyes and his face... HE GOT IT! In less than a minute he was smiling, really courageous and empowered to go to a good night sleep, all by himself.

I kiss him goodnight, tell him I love him and as I’m leaving his room…

— Mum, can I change the name of the Pokémon? After all, fear is not that bad.


Like this article? Yippee hurrah! Who do you think would benefit from reading this article? Please click the share button.