Speak The Fuck Up

I have been doing a lot of personal work and lately I have been following Kyle Alan Cease.
I joined his community and in one of his videos he dared us to write down 5 traits we don't like about ourselves and record a video talking about it. We didn’t have to post or show the video to anyone. We could even delete it afterwards.

The idea was to find out what happens when we actually talk about what we don’t like about ourselves. What happens when we bring light into the darkest aspects of ourselves?

“Come up with 5 things I don't like about myself? EASY!!!”

Well, not only did it turn out to be harder than I thought to come up with those five, but I also found myself stuck in that process!

“Are these really THE ONES I don't like about myself?" No wonder!!!! One of the things that I don't like about myself is second guessing myself!!!! LOL

Today, since I would be on my own (at least so I thought! The ego has interesting ways to get in the way of our growth - watch the video and you’ll understand what I am talking about) I decided to sit with that assignment and record the video and see what would come up.

JUICY AF I must say!

Second guessing myself as a result of decades of people pleasing and mastering the art of fitting in (without even knowing it) was brought to the light in this raw video.

I guess this is me EVOLVING OUT LOUD!

I then decided that posting this video to the public would be a huge step forward in facing the FEAR of being fully authentic. There’s always a big fear of what my family will think or say about me, crying in a video out into the public.

Chances are they’ll think I’m crazy! But you know what?! I’m NOT CRAZY!!!


After all the release you can witness in the video, I sat down and here’s what stood out for me from all that time talking to/with myself:

If I don’t pay close attention and fully connected to the truth of who I am, the fact that I have been doing this work for a while and stepping into my butterflyness will be an excuse for the ego to judge myself and that the ego will keep me stuck under the illusion that feeling all these human feelings is nothing but a waste of time now that I know that nothing has any meaning except the meaning I give to it.

It reminded me of a moment I heard Kyle showing how the ego would take turns in showing up as the solution to the problem it created in the 1st place, judging its previous manifestation, almost as if peeling off skin and pretending to be another "entity", one after the other…

So... here's my COMMITMENT for this 2019 and for the rest of my life:

1 - SPEAK UP about my feelings;

2 - HONOUR my emotions has a manifestation of my HUMAN EXPERIENCE;

3 - CREATE SPACE to whatever may be showing up in my life, either in my inner or outer world;

4 - NURTURE my childlike CURIOSITY;

5 - DARE to be 5% MORE AUTHENTIC every step of the way until it becomes who I am (and if it doesn't, be ok with that too);

6 - LOVE MYSELF, treat myself with KINDNESS and COMPASSION (no different from what I would do to a puppy or a baby).

So, here’s my dare to you!

Grab a piece of paper and write down 5 traits you don’t like about yourself! Then, get your phone and record a video of you talking about it. If you want, you can pick one of the five and talk about that one.

Aren’t you curious to see what happens when you TALK about it? Aren’t you curious to find out what happens when you bring light into that shadow?

Of course you don’t have to share that video with anyone. You can even delete it afterwards.

In the comments, would you share something you don’t like about yourself? I would love to know more about you.


If you are a WOMAN and you would like to be part of an outstanding TRIBE of women from all over the world, ask to join Evolved Women Tribe . There you’ll also find a place for massive growth and evolvement, as well as honoring the Divine Feminine.

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Surrender Into Trust

I want to share with you how SURRENDER into TRUST has been playing in my life.
Only now am I able to be aware of how a decision I made 2 years ago shaped my life and that’s the reason I am ready to share it with you now.


Being someone who feels deeply called to serve and who has contribution as one of my top needs, I made the decision to embrace a very specific role a while ago. I am talking about my role as God’s Puppet. That’s right… God’s Puppet! After all, this life is God’s show, right? And by God, I mean Source, Consciousness, Universe, Spirit… (feel free to choose a word that works for you).  

Let me start by telling you that when I deeply felt the calling into that role for the first time, the ego in me hated it. Totally hated it! I mean, it really hated it! “What do you mean god’s puppet?”, “Who wants to be a puppet?”, “That’s such a loser role to have in life!”, “You’ll never be free as you so much desire” …

When I decided I would embrace the role of being God’s Puppet about 2 years ago and that I would really love to play with that idea, I knew nothing about what that meant. Honestly, I didn’t! I only knew it felt right! It felt so right! And so damn scary at the same time.


I really didn’t know what I was getting myself into. What happens is that I had just come back from Date with Destiny with Tony Robbins and Faith was the value at the top of my list and I was willing to go for it.  A lot was happening in my life and many changes were taking place. And even if it was for this one time, I was willing to pay the price to honour a deeper truth in me.


Would I dare to trust my own intuition?
Yes, I would! And … Yes, I did!


At the time I wasn’t aware that I would have to get out of the way many times, if not most of the times. And by “I” I mean the ego part of me that was so damn unpleased with my decision. But again… what else was there to expect considering the ego’s resistance, right?


The ego wanted me to believe that role was the opposite of what I really wanted, telling me a bunch of stories of how that was a weak place to be and how that was for losers. Well, it may seem so in the beginning and I see how me surrendering into that idea actually meant the weakening of the ego.

Embodying the role of God’s Puppet isn’t a piece of cake. Not at all!!! I see how challenging it is and how it’s quite the opposite of what the ego was trying to convey to me.

So, what is this role about? What does it mean to be God’s Puppet?

Being God’s Puppet to me means showing up fully open to whatever this Higher Intelligence is trying to run through me, is trying to make happen through me. And for this to happen, more and more I need to step into the most authentic version of myself, getting rid of old stories, old beliefs and misunderstandings.

Being God’s Puppet means accepting, not resisting, relaxing, allowing. It means being ok with not knowing, being present in the now, being willing to make mistakes. It means being ok with resisting and fall off track at being God’s Puppet once you make the decision to accept that as your mission. It means being compassionate with yourself and others. It means daring to have childlike faith and curiosity again, allowing myself to be surprised.

It means practising accepting and being familiar with change.

Actually, being God’s puppet means that I am surrendering into the not knowing, that I am strengthening the belief that everything is already perfect. It means to be willing to let the stories and ideas about myself disappear.

It means I am willing to let the illusion of who I think I am die!

I become aware of the ego’s panic attacks as I surrender more and more into being fully guided, and allow myself to be in awe at the perfection and wonders of this mysterious and abundant universe we live in.

Can you imagine what a show it would be if I decided I wanted to walk and God had planning some dancing for me? That would be a very funny disastrous show to watch, don’t you think so?

And the issue is not so much about the disastrous show that we could all laugh about. After all, laughing is such a great medicine! It’s more about how much effort I would really be putting at walking, having God moving me to dance. That would be like swimming up the stream, instead of allowing the stream to take me.

Well, I believe that’s what happens with us many times when we resist whatever is that life is bringing our way. That’s what happens every time we insist on creating goals that really don’t serve us or don’t align with our truth and really limit us to walking instead of dancing.

So, where are you resisting life?

Me at Date with Destiny (Florida, US) as I was moving towards this decision.

Me at Date with Destiny (Florida, US) as I was moving towards this decision.

If you are a WOMAN and you would like to be part of an outstanding TRIBE of women from all over the world, ask to join Evolved Women Tribe . There you’ll also find a place for massive growth and evolvement, as well as honoring the Divine Feminine.

What if messing up is succeeding?

If you are any little bit like me, my guess is that you find yourself over and over again coming back to a place you thought you had already mastered and you wouldn’t be messing up that one again. It can be a relationship, body issues, eating habits… actually it can be anything. And then you beat yourself up and get caught in the net of the unproductive “why can’t I…?” will-take-you-nowhere mantra.

Has this ever happened to you? I know it does happen to me.

In life many many times we don't get things right either on the 1st round or the 2nd or even the 3rd or ... (ok... enough! You know what I mean, right?!). We mess up and we mess up like pros! Or maybe not!!!!

What if we aren’t really messing up? What if we are indeed succeeding?

Life is like flying an airplane. Did you know that a plane is off course over 90% of the time? Due to weather conditions, turbulence, and other factors it gets off track and it is the pilot who makes course corrections and keeps coming back to the flight plan, bringing the plane back on course. The same happens with our lives.

If we see every instant of life as an opportunity to grow instead of beating ourselves up thinking we failed; if we see every challenge life throws at us as a chance to upgrade ourselves instead of dumping a whole bunch of shitty judgements all over ourselves; if we can take a setback as a moment to make course corrections when we find ourselves off track, then we may discover that life is not about Balance but instead it is about BALANCING.


Life is dynamic, not static. Life is change, not permanence. Life is a VERB, not a noun.  


This version of me wouldn't be possible without the former version of me. And neither of them is better or worse than the other... they build on each other as we step into the greater version of ourselves, as we remove the excess of the marble until the final master piece we already are is revealed to us.


We are not a masterpiece in the making. We are a masterpiece in the unfolding.


If you are a WOMAN and you would like to be part of an outstanding TRIBE of women from all over the world, ask to join Evolved Women Tribe . There you’ll also find a place for massive growth and evolvement, as well as honoring the Divine Feminine.

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I Pray, I Meditate, I do Yoga and I say Fuck

I remember when I started doing yoga and meditating, sometimes HE would come to me and say "so much yoga and meditation and after all you're still... (fill in with a judgment)".

You know, it wasn't about him. That had everything to do with ME. I was the one who in secret and silence would go over judging myself hard. I was always on trial and I got to be the judge and the defendant. 

I was the one blaming MYSELF for doing all those things and still feeling I was failing. You see, I knew I wasn't perfect but I thought I had to become such! I thought that all those Buddhist practises and retreats and Tony Robbins seminars and all the MindValley’s courses would turn me into a perfect person. 


The day I knew that was FAR from being the purpose of this AT ALL, things started to shift massively and I signed myself up to the most AUTHENTIC and LOVING adventure I could have never imagined enrolling myself into - one of SELF-LOVE and SELF-ACCEPTANCE. 


Well, it took us many tries, many falls and many knee injuries to learn to master the science of walking, right? So, why take ourselves so seriously and be so harsh on ourselves in this adventure of being a human being? 


Yes, I pray!

Yes, I meditate!

Yes, I do yoga!

And yes, I say Fuck (boy, it felt good writing this!) and I can be and I am a bitch sometimes!


And isn't it wonderful that ... ( I got interrupted by the ego — “Hold it right there, lady!!!! Stop right there!!! Don't do it!! Don't you dare saying it!!!" )

As I was saying... and isn't it wonderful that I get to experience such a vast variety of states and emotions?!

( The ego again — "hey bitch, what did you just say?! WTF?? Did I just see you admit the possibility of enjoying all this human experience??!! That's it folks, she is losing it! Can someone call a doctor, please?" )

  — Love you too, ego.


Back to what I was saying… Does that mean I like all of them? Does that mean I like being sad, or anxious, or angry? HELL NO!!! But can I just become curious and amazed at the fact that I am capable of experiencing so many different emotions?

Do you know what happened when I began to ask myself this question? This curiosity has opened space for me to start relaxing in the fight I used to engage while resisting those “negative” emotions and I am begining to accept and acknowledge them more and more.


Can you imagine if you would press MUTE in the judge headquarters loudspeaker? I wonder what that would do for you and what that could change in your life! 


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Cover Photo Credit: Inspiring Badass Kim Bao

Letter To The Ego

Dear ego,

I know that there's more to me than the I/eye (👀) can see.

I am done fighting you. I am done arguing with you. I am tired of all those stories that you keep playing in my head over and over like a fucking old broken cassette. I am tired of all the lies you whisper in secret and you always want me to believe in.

I am tired and I will fight you no more. And if I ever do, I won't bother much about it either. Fighting you or bothering about it would be a waste of time and that would just keep me busy, distracted while imprisoned inside your trap. You're so damn good at this shit!!! I give you credit for that. Ego, you're a badass being you.

So, watch me LOVE the crap out of you while I dare to go BEYOND you, BEYOND myself, BEYOND words, BEYOND emotions, BEYOND and BEYOND, dissolving myself into the formless & ONENESS of consciousness.

And just so you know, I don't even need to know what that actually means and what that actually looks like. RELAX! I mean it. I don't! I don't need to know! YOU need to know. I don't! I really don't!

I know I am not only functional but also limited with your existence and deceiving myself to wanting to explain or understand what dissolving into consciousness would actually mean… that would just be foolish of me and falling into one more of your traps.

I am now allowing myself to fully and deeply SURRENDER to the experience of BEING and that... that cannot be explained. That... that cannot be understood. That... that can only be EXPERIENCED.


I AM READY! I am coming home!

💙☸Tadyata Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate Bodhi Soha.☸💙

Bodhi Soha 🙏


P.S. Thank goodness for the rebel in me! I am coming home 💙🙏🔥☸

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Castles, Battles, Warriors & The Ego

As I stood there sitting on the floor waiting for a performance which was about to start, I found myself absorbing how imponent and magnificent that castle was and imagined the events that must have taken place there, in the Medieval Age, with kings, queens and knights.


And then… I found myself wondering how many times in life we feel like we are in a battle. How often do we feel there's a castle to take over, to conquer and overcome challenges so we can get to the very top of the tower?


The true battle is really happening inside and it is a one-man-fight – ONESELF! Or, better said, what we think to be ourselves. The ego (on a side note, let me just say that initially the word ego was all caps and when I noticed how much it was standing out, I thought I would bring it down to its place… wrote it with capital “e” and as I was about to take it down too, my ego was freaking out… LOL the struggle is real, people!!! ) which creates an illusory separation, always gives us the idea that we have to get somewhere, to do some other thing, making us feel incomplete and with the illusion that something is missing…and that’s how we fall into the next-thing trap. At least I know I do!


The ego, in its quest to survive will make you believe that there’s always more and more and more… it will never ever be enough… YOU will never be enough! I don’t know about you, but I am finding that shit really exhausting and more and more I am daring to experiment with some different approaches.


As I adventure into these new possibilities I am aware of the battle happening within, as if I were two people. It’s quite a show to watch!!!! Sounding just like Sofia Vergara playing Gloria in Modern Family: “what??!! you’re not worried?”, “how come you’re not anxious?”, “what do you mean you’ll buy that ticket to Tony Robbins?” (this is what she was talking about), “You can’t spend all that money?” blah blah blah – It’s a one-man-show… a sitcom with a signed contract for life and unlimited seasons. The Simpsons, you’re screwed!


You should see the shock and the surprise every time I challenge not only the ego but also myself to later find out that my body is less and less responding like it used to when standing before the “illusion” of a problem. My mind tells me to worry and freak out but deep down I don’t feel as such! There’s hope! 😉


Back to the castle, the battles and the conquering. It’s crazy how we can get attached to the drama and the hardship. Don’t you think so?


Don't get me wrong! There's nothing wrong in wanting more, in conquering castles, climbing the highest mountains… I am a hell yeah for that! But life can be as interesting if not more challenging down here too. If there's great courage in taking the leap, in going to battle, it also takes as much courage daring to stay, sit, acknowledge whatever is… do nothing & change nothing.


Actually, I have tried them both and here’s what I can share with you: hustling, getting myself ready to work, to go somewhere, to do something challenging, is revealing itself easier than honouring sitting still, waiting for the clarity needed to take action, surrendering into the stillness of the unknown. Can you be ok with not knowing and honour it?

Amen to meditation!



If you are a WOMAN and you would like to be part of an outstanding TRIBE of women from all over the world, ask to join Evolved Women Tribe . There you’ll also find a place for massive growth and evolvement, as well as honoring the Divine Feminine.

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My Soul Screamed And A New Woman Was Born

There are moments in my life which I can't really explain to others how much those moments impact me. I have been told to be a "too much" woman and to feel "too much".  I used to believe that and to judge myself for that. Today, I embrace that as a gift because the most simple things in life can make me feel blissful and can also shake me to the core and make me feel more alive than ever.

Today I want to share with you one of those moments, which happened a couple of years ago, more precisely in 2014, when the intense journey into knowing myself really began.

For the most skeptic ones let's say it was a coincidence ;)

A poem crossed my path and as I read it I found myself gasping for air, reaching out for a breath that felt to be taken away from me. I was shaken to my bones, the cells in my body vibrated and my SOUL screamed.

I have read somewhere that the soul whispers but that day my soul screamed louder than my pain and I heard it for the first time. I guess my soul got tired of whispering and me never listening to it. Maybe it figured out I had hearing problems (insert any kind of laughter you wish here as I am laughing at myself right now! LOL)

It really doesn't even matter the reason why. What matters is that day, reading that poem, I really felt ME, an unknown part of myself was shown to me, a part which I had never acknowledged and didn't even imagine existed. That poem stroke me so deep down to my core, shook me inside out, ripped me off and for the first time in my life I knew with every cell in my body that I didn’t love myself.

And I cried ... 

and I cried ... and I cried ... 

And as I allowed the tears to roll down my face, without even knowing it I was creating the space for a different woman to be born that day.

That day I promised myself that my garden would never be forgotten and dead ever again. 

This was the poem:

The wind, one brilliant day, called
to my soul with an odor of jasmine. 

”In return for the odor of my jasmine, 
I’d like all the odor of your roses.” 

”I have no roses; all the flowers
in my garden are dead.” 

”Well then, I’ll take the withered petals
and the yellow leaves and the waters of the fountain.” 

The wind left.  And I wept.  And I said to myself: 
”What have you done with the garden that was entrusted to you?”
— Antonio Machado

How have you been taking care of your garden?
Drop me a comment as I would love to hear from you how this poem resonated with you or not. What did it bring out for you?


If you are a WOMAN and you would like to be part of an outstanding TRIBE of women from all over the world, ask to join Evolved Women Tribe . There you’ll also find a place for massive growth and evolvement, as well as honoring the Divine Feminine.

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Unedited Conversation With My Heart

After more than a week without meditating, sabotaging my own happiness and feeling like shit, I found myself sitting down with one of Kyle Cease’s videos and actually creating the space to do an exercise he teaches. And then… I found myself grabbing a pen and saw the pen use my hand to write. I was not writing, I was being written!

"After so many, so many days of wandering lost inside in the foggy black empty space within myself, I am finally creating a moment to sit down and write whatever is going through me, whether in my mind or heart.

I have been filled up with fear, frustration, disappointment and judgement towards myself. If on the one hand I have been practising loving myself and respecting myself, I have also been immersed in a space of confusion, of loss, of wanting, not wanting… totally unknown, fully blocked and massively confused.

I think about the women in the Tribe and if I am failing them or if I am actually failing myself. It really doesn’t matter. All of that comes from a place of lack, of scarcity, because if I could trust that I am loved no matter what, then I would for sure take some time off to myself.

Funny that when my head wants to kick in, my pen tends to stop so I will continue to write without stopping as long as I feel like and tap into my heart.

This place of confusion is really scary and I can see how challenging it can be to trust the process of life. I believe trusting the process of life really means trusting myself and my energy. Will I honour my true self? What does that even really mean? Can I be ok with the fact that I may not know it? That’s so challenging for me and I see how that has to do with the need to control things in my life out of the fear of the unknown and because of all the days spent under the fear storm that would break at mum’s house.

Throughout my life I have been connecting to myself through fear and anger and that became the normal. And feeling anger would make me feel like I was a bad person, a mistake. Today as I write and connect into my heart, I know I am so much more than that! My heart knows it! My soul knows it! I know it! It’s just that I have totally forgotten!

When I tell my heart that I am afraid of being ridiculous and my heart answers ‘So what?! Laugh along! After all, you love a great laughter, don’t you?!’ I know I am about to experience a breakthrough. There I am, crying my ass off and my heart comes up with that answer? WTF!!! That’s totally who I am! I am my heart, not my head! I am that humorous funny person. I know I am so much more than what my mind wants me to believe.

In the darkness of the confusion and in the space within I see now that all is possible. Without space there’s no room for creation to happen and without dark there’s no way light can shine bright.

I may be confused about what to do next but I am not confused about who to be. And you know what?! I am freaking amazing at the job I am doing with myself. Can I be able to love myself unconditionally? HEART, talk to me! Tell me! What do you have to say about all this mess going on inside? What do you have to say about all this fear, this confusion inside? This uncertainty is driving me crazy! What do you really want from me? Can’t you see this isn’t good for us? Help me out here, please! What wisdom do you have for me? What can you share with me?

(And the heart spoke!)

To start with, it’s great that you’re here and that you’re connecting! Long time no see, right T.? You connect out of fear and that is totally off from where I am, from where I stand, from my essence.

Thank you for showing up T.! I love when you take the time to come and see me.

(naturally my eyes closed and I for a moment I would be shifting from writing to going deep and coming back to writing)

That’s it! Pause now! … Close your eyes! … Breathe! … Can you feel me? … Can you feel me? Can you feel the stillness?... Feel it! … don’t rush it… Stay! Stay! Stay! …

See how far you have come my child! I am so proud of you! You have come a long long way. Stop comparing yourself to others. You were created to stand out and stop judging yourself for being different! Remember the feelings when you laugh? That’s YOU! That’s who you truly are my child!

(At this point a part of me is wondering why the hell I am being addressed to as “my child” but I decide to allow the process and not mess up with that. Maybe I felt the need to be mothered, so I stood out of the way.)

You were created to be the happy joyful embodiment of transformation, the joyful embodiment of love, wisdom and compassion.  I am here always for you but I will only come when you call me! Be yourself my child! Be yourself, with the good and the bad! After all, who says which is which?!

Go through life living fully, feeling deeply! That’s who you are! You are an intense being! You like to feel deep! You are great at feeling deep! You know about the preciousness of life. Feel me! Feel me! Don’t go! Stay!... Breathe!… Breathe!…

I hear you my child. I know you are scared and that’s ok! After all you don’t remember who you truly are, who you really are. That’s ok! And still, you have been doing a great job!

Why are you crying my child? Do you feel lonely? I can feel you do and that’s ok too. But if you connect to me, you can never feel lonely. Can you feel me? Can you feel me?

Are you really crying because you feel lonely or because you are feeling loved unconditionally right now?

I can hear what you’re thinking, and YES, it can be that simple. It is that simple! You are breath, you are love, you are pure energy living under the illusion that is someone else, something else that has a great big purpose in life. You are the purpose, my child! You are the meaning! You are life!

Show me what you see! Show me what you feel! Show me life through you! Let me breathe you! Keep laughing my child! Keep dancing my child because through you I experience joy and happiness and bliss. Keep crying my child because I feel so deep the sadness. You are so good at feeling! You may be confused sometimes but I’m not! I always feel and know what you are feeling.

I heard you just now! You want to know what I want from you? I want to feel life through your own eyes, feel life through your own heart and experience the bliss in your smile and laughter.

I hear you my child! You say you’re tired! That’s ok! You can rest! You can relax! You have been too hard on yourself! I have never asked you to do all of those things you do… My child, you are special, you are precious and you have come such a long way… and I am so proud of you…

Relax now! There’s nothing for you to do right now … just be here with me as I cradle you my child.

You have become this courageous woman and this wonderful human being (yeah, I heard that… you wanted to say leader, didn’t you?!) and … ok… you are your own leader… leading your life, your experiences, your emotions…

Lead the way my child, lead your way! I’m right here! I’ll be right here! One breath away… one breath away… one breath

I love you!”


If you would take a moment to close your eyes and take 3 deep breaths in, connect to your heart and express your fears and worries to your heart, what would your heart say to you?

Go ahead, do that! I’ll wait ;) And then come back and share in the comments what came up for you. I’d love to hear from you.

Also, if you are a WOMAN and you would like to be part of an outstanding TRIBE of women from all over the world, ask to join Evolved Women Tribe .

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Life Tested Me Hard On This Tony Robbins Adventure

It's fucking amazing how life tested me on this Tony Robbins thing!

How bad did I want this?!

In October 2015, out of a boldness act of courage, I bought a Tony Robbins Training (CORE 100) to become a coach and a ticket to UPW and I did that in a time where I was on a sick leave from my 23-year-old job as a high school teacher. I had hit rock bottom (once again) in September 2014.

At the time I had no idea what was going to happen with my life! I knew nothing about what I was going to decide! I knew nothing about how I would make things happen. At that time, I didn’t even know what I wanted! I was still in a place where I only knew what I didn’t want. Well, that’s not quite accurate! I did know something I wanted and THAT I was really certain of, I was so sure of… I wanted to learn from Tony Robbins and to be with him in the same room.

At the time I knew nothing about being a coach and to be honest I wasn’t even thinking about that! I was just so desperate for a way out of the place I was in; I was so desperate for a way out of anger, frustration, fear and sickness that I wanted his help, so I could help myself heal and find a way out to happiness and fulfilment. There had to be another way of living and I felt so deeply within me that he could help me. Since the 1st time I heard his name around March 2015 (and after overcoming the 1st awkward experience of his voice 😉), I had been devouring all the videos I could get my eyes and hands on, religiously doing the exercises he suggested and spending all my days writing everything he was saying. So, how powerful would it be to be in the room with him?

I made a decision! No matter what, I will be in London in that room with Tony Robbins, even if it rains cats and dogs. I had made up mind! That was not open to discussion. Not being there was not an option!

After 18 months waiting for the government to call me, 18 fucking months… that’s about 547 days, 547 opportunities to receive a fucking letter from the government, guess what… I receive a letter telling me that I have to get my ass back to school on the exact same day of my flight to London, to UPW. I heard life shouting at me “how bad do you want this?”! 

Had I not made that determined unquestionable decision in the past, I would have shaken in the presence of that letter. But no! I was so hell yeah determined to be there that all I had to do was find out what my options were, knowing that not going was not an option.

And so I did! I looked for a lawyer to hear what he had to say and guess what:

- Dr., you can’t go to London! You are on a sick leave!

- Oh, I am not asking you if I can or if I can't! We’re not even going there! I will be in that venue for that event in London and that means I will be on that plane on the 6th of April! What are my options?

Once I knew my options, I knew I could buy myself some time! And that’s what I did!

I flew to London for UPW and had the most transformative life changing experience of my whole life, until that moment. (This is a story that deserves its own article. Let’s keep this one about how life tested me on this Tony Robbins thing 😉 )

So, I got home from UPW, finished the certification from the CORE 100 training, hired my own coach, started coaching other people and still on a sick leave, waiting for the government’s final call.

I could feel my soul unsettled! There was a deep craving inside of me! I so wanted to go to Date with Destiny! OMG! I desired it so badly, so deeply! Every time I would see myself there, tears would roll down my face. I was actually dreaming, for the first time since I can remember.

During my morning priming exercise, I would see myself there. I would see myself on the plane, heading there and I would see a Portuguese guy that I met at UPW with me on the plane (funny how this visualisation thing works 😉 I didn’t invite him into my visualisation, but he was there, all the time). Bear with me because this will make sense ;) 

After so many days wanting and desiring and fearing and wanting to overcome fear… I used every strategy I could think of to make myself take action. I would put myself in state; I would make my move; I would imagine the fire and me crossing it and celebrating on the other side of the lane … not working! Then I remembered one exercise I had done once while watching one of his videos and I knew what drove me and so, all I had to do was to have the guts to ask the right question that would freaking shake my ass and my whole being into taking action and fucking buying that ticket to Date with Destiny Florida 2016.

You may be wondering why all that fuss just to buy a ticket? The thing is that I was on the edge to leave my job as a school teacher and with no financial back up plan, because the only savings I had were the exact same amount of the price of the ticket! Remember? I was still buying myself some time and that meant a final call from the government would be home any time.

Guess what? That’s right! I’m doing it! I’m going to ask the question and my mind is freaking out! I play some UPW songs, “oh, you want to quit your job and you’ll be spending your own savings in a ticket to an event?”; I put my body straight, “You must be fucking crazy! You’ll have no money to eat!”; I make my move, “Please someone grab this girl and put her in a hospice!”; I say “YES, YES, YES” and I asked myself the question (sorry about that question, Tony Robbins): If this is his last DWD and he dies, are you ready to live with the regret of not having experienced it?

FUCK HELL NO! Florida here I come!

My whole body is shaking, my hands are sweating cold, my heart is racing like a wild horse, I’m breathing deeply (I am even experiencing it all as I relive it by writing this). Oh no, my credit card limit is only 1000 euros! Have you ever been in a situation where you are finding it so difficult that all you need is for it to be over really fast? Well, that wasn’t going to happen in this situation! How bad do you want this, right?! So, I get on the phone with a lady and I have to find another way to pay! I find out that I can create a digital credit card with the limit amount of, that’s right, you guessed, 4500 euros. Exactly the amount I had and the amount I needed for the ticket!

After sorting that out and paying for the ticket, suddenly there’s something familiar happening on the other side of the line – she is CELEBRATING!!!! She knows!!!! I have crossed the fire!!!! I am on the other side of the lane! I celebrate with her! And as I celebrate my mind is going berserk! I feel my body and my mind totally out of alignment… I am literally blowing up my mind… it’s as if I can see the destruction being caused up there!!!! Two totally different worlds inside the same body!!! That was so freaking awesome fucked up!!!!

So, there I am, hanging up the phone, with a tsunami and an earth quake happening inside of me. Holy shit!!!! I gotta hurry and pick my kid from school! I can barely walk because my legs don’t respond and I have to force myself to run!

I get into the car, put the keys on, turn on the gear, get ready to leave the parking space and there’s a song playing in a cd and the first words I hear are:

It's your day believe it
It's your date with destiny
It's too late to leave it
After all it's your
it's your party
Call it luck, call it faith…
(“Catch”, by Kosheen)

Right there, I let my body fall over the wheel as if I were falling on my knees and I start to cry! I look up to the sky and I shout: “I get it! I get it! Thank you! Thank you!” as tears keep washing my face in a state of gratitude and humbleness.

The next morning, I wake up with this GINORMOUS BOLDNESS HANGOVER! Have you ever had one of those? My body felt as if it had been hit by a truck and I was so confused that it felt like I had had a dream! Now, I had to tell hubby that I wouldn’t be there for his birthday and that I was actually going to be flying on that day heading Florida for a Date with Destiny!

And you know, when we are aligned with what is meant to be, the universe really provides! One week later, I had already created that money in my bank account by making my first paying clients.

Now, how bad do you want this?! You can’t make this shit up! The final letter from the government? YEP! You guessed it right! It arrived exactly on the same day of my flight to Florida, 7th Dec 2016. (of course I only found out when I arrived on the 16th).

I guess school and Tony Robbins don’t match! 😉 Yep, I quit my job! I guess I burned the fucking boats, like Tony Robbins says 😉


By the way… remember the guy I met at UPW and that kept showing up uninvited in my visualisation? YEAH, that one! Guess what…

We flew on the same flight from London on the way there and on the way back!😉


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Facing Fear

I faced FEAR today!

Holy shit... My legs shook like hell... I felt my heart biting in every inch of my body... It was not death but it sure felt like it!

- BITCH, STOP THIS CAR   R I G H T   N O W! - Fear yelled.

In that moment I felt trapped. It felt way too dangerous and way too scary to keep driving up the mountain. The road was too narrow and so damn steep!!!! I could see the road disappearing under the car as I curved… OMG!!! It seemed the car was flying… all I could see was the car and the sky! Fuck!!! My car has no wings and neither do I!

At that point, the only way down to feeling great and safe again (OMG, I wanted it so badly) was to go all the way up! Literally, there was no turning back! Suddenly, the fear of keep moving forward became smaller than turning the car around and so I kept going.  

When I finally stopped the car, it felt like a huge relief! My legs were shaking and I could barely walk! I took some deep breaths in and out and walked all the way up to the top. And you know what? Fear wouldn’t shut up:

- Are you happy now? I hope this shit has been worth it! What do you expect to find here? There’s only big rocks here! And you are also afraid of rocks, remember?

As I watched my son exploring the surroundings, I fooled myself into the illusion that I was enjoying myself hiding behind the camera and taking some pictures of him. Fear wasn’t going anywhere and it wasn’t giving up either:

- HOW THE HELL ARE YOU GOING TO DRIVE YOUR WAY DOWN? I can’t believe you brought us here!

Fear was hysterical and for me to be able to live that experience fully, I had to take a moment to acknowledge its presence, breathe and let it know that everything was going to be ok (at this point I am fooling myself… what else can I do? Fake it until you make it!). Yes, it seemed dangerous! Yes, it looked and felt scary... But I would drive very slowly and carefully on the way down! If others do it, I can also do it myself!

Now, there was nothing Fear could do but I… I could choose: I could freak out or I could enjoy the wonderful experience of being there. I mean, being truly and actually there and NOT pretending that I was there!

And so I made a decision - I decided I wanted to BE FULLY PRESENT!

Fear stood there, aside, arms crossed, grumbling and waiting for the moment to go down:

- This bitch, since she met that Tony Robbins guy and walked on that fire she doesn't listen to me like she used to... and with all that meditation and self-development bullshit she is into, she thinks she can dare and defy me... Well... I gotta say that we’ve been to some quite amazing places and met some extraordinary people but …bla bla bla

The SILENCE entered my body! I don’t recall ever experiencing that kind of silence! The immense space before me, all the mountains around, the different autumn colours blending together and kissing the blue of the sky, two birds flying around and playing together in a dance only they understood… The silence and I became one! And in that moment, I was FREE!

On the way down... OMG... Fear was freaking out again and making a scene!


As I write this and share this story with you, I found it very curious to witness my reaction to feeling trapped and scared - I wanted it to STOP! I wanted to quit! I froze and I wanted someone to come and save me. I wanted to throw the towel and have someone come and pick the car and get it out of there.

I guess this is exactly what Tony Robbins means when he says that if you want to take the island, you gotta burn the damn boats. Having escaping doors will make you use them when standing before Fear.

I wonder how many times we all go through moments like this where we feel fearful, scared and we want to give up, run away or having someone to come and save us?!

So, if I could share something powerful and transformational with you, here are TWO things I would say:

ONE - What is your biggest fear in life? What are you most afraid of in your life?

STOP reading now and take a moment to write down what comes up for you when you ask yourself this question. I hope you have PAUSED!

TWO - What could be a fear bigger than that fear? What could it be that you could fear even more than the thing you fear the most?

What if the only way to going down and feeling great again is going all the way up?


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