Healing The People Pleaser

What's the scariest thing for me as a people pleaser in recovery, who was always told to shut the fuck up?

SPEAK THE F*CK UP!

SHOW THE F*CK UP!

DARE to be fully seen in my VULNERABILITY and show up AUTHENTIC!

Having dared to step outside my comfort zone and show up doing a Facebook Live in the Tribe I created, was at the time a HUGE STEP! Still, I can see how I keep hiding behind the safety of a special place and being selective about who sees what.

I realise how many "gates" I can actually create for the world to see me. (That's how sneaky this can get!) There comes a time when I realise that I am half-daring and half-showing up. And there’s actually nothing wrong with that. It’s just that TODAY I feel like it’s time, and just for today, I want there to be no gates whatsoever.

Again, this is a huge step forward in facing the FEAR of being fully AUTHENTIC. You know, the fear will always be there and that’s one of the reasons practising daring and showing up is so crucial to me. I have tasted far too deep how crippling this fear is and can be if I let it control my life. There’s always a big fear of what my family will think or say about me, crying in a video out into the public. Chances are they’ll think I’m crazy! But you know what?! I’m NOT CRAZY!!!

I AM READY!!!! I AM FUCKING READY!!!

Do I really need to be seen? To be honest, I have no damn clue! But for me, this is where fear has been showing up big time and I know this is my free pass for the highway to freedom.

So, today I am sharing with all of you a behind the scenes (RAW & MESSY) of what happened inside that tribe of women a while back, where I held space for all the judgement, anger, frustration towards the people pleaser in me and it was only after this episode that I was able to finally ACCEPT and ACKNOWLEDGE that part of me.

Right now, the fearful side of me is in my head, doing everything it can, to have me post something else rather than this. To be totally honest, it´s been over 2 hours since I started this article.

It seems that there's this wave of authenticity and vulnerability showing up in the world and I can see how it can be easy to start rolling our eyes at that. And that's exactly the monologue the ego is having in my head right now: "Are you really going to write about that authenticity stuff, AGAIN? People are fed up with that!"

Oh yes baby, I am! Watch me! I won't be held prisoner today! It may happen tomorrow, but NOT today!

Doing this video allowed me to tap into unknown parts of myself and to learn that I can actually hold space for the WHOLENESS of me.

I don’t know a lot of stuff, but I KNOW THIS:

- I know for sure that HIDING in FEAR is no longer serving me and only stepping into this authentic & unfiltered experience of myself will I end up knowing myself deeply and truly.

- I know in my bones that authenticity will set me FREE and the more I dare into it, the more I TRUST myself!

- And I know in my bones that the more I TRUST myself, the more POWERFUL I'll be to have the GUTS to be willing to FIERCELESSLY go beyond personal identity.

I don't want personal power to be rich! I don't want personal power to be famous! I don't want personal power to impact millions! I want personal power to set myself free.

I am thirsty and starving for FREEDOM baby!

That's my legacy! That's the impact I want to have in this world!

Being part of this world, I can no longer hide in the false modesty that “I am not important” or that “I don't matter”. This shit ain't about me only! What the fuck is all this talk about "not enoughness" or "too muchness" doing for me or for the world?

Being part of this world, it's my responsibility to set myself free from the cage of fear and step into BOLDNESS!

Being part of this world, it's my responsibility to step away from the selfishness of ego that wants to make this all about me and keep hiding myself in my little world, in a small town, in a tiny country called Portugal.

Being part of this world, it's my duty to share this I AMNESS with all of you! And those who resonate, will vibrate along with me.


We're in for an AWESOME COSMIC RIDE people!


Bless you all

<3


In the meantime, I am RECOMMITING to my own commitment:

1 - SPEAK UP about my feelings;

2 - HONOUR my emotions has a manifestation of my HUMAN EXPERIENCE;

3 - CREATE SPACE to whatever may be showing up in my life, either in my inner or outer world;

4 - NURTURE my childlike CURIOSITY;

5 - DARE to be 5% MORE AUTHENTIC every step of the way until it becomes who I am (and if it doesn't, be ok with that too);

6 - LOVE MYSELF, treat myself with KINDNESS and COMPASSION (no different from what I would do to a puppy or a baby).



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If you are a WOMAN and you would like to be part of an outstanding TRIBE of women from all over the world, ask to join Evolved Women Tribe. There you’ll also find a place for FUN, massive growth and evolvement, as well as SUPPORT in honouring the Divine Feminine.


LETTER TO ALL LIGHT WARRIORS

Dear Light Warrior,

 

Today I want to take a moment to tell you THANK YOU!

THANK YOU! THANK YOU SO F*CKING MUCH!

In this wild adventure of walking this path of Self Discovery, I can only feel deeply humble and grateful for YOU, dear Light Warrior.

As you DARE to walk into the unknown, as you are BOLD to brave the wilderness, I am right behind you. I know the path is unique to each and every one of us, but as you WALK AHEAD, I f*cking thank you so much because you give me COURAGE and STRENGTH to continue.

Damn! You INSPIRE me so much!

What a path this is! It’s a way into the heart. It’s walking into the uncertainty. It’s freaking out with FEAR and then be BRAVE to go back and sit with it. It’s daring to think the unthinkable and having the courage to BE the embodiment of LOVE and FREEDOM.

My dear Light Warrior, please DON’T HOLD YOURSELF BACK!

I want you to know that every word you say… every poem you write… every video you make… every paint you bring to life… every book you birth… every photograph you take… every message you send… every email you answer back… every vulnerable moment you share…

Every bit of you…

They truly make a difference and you f*cking matter!

THANK YOU! I HONOUR you so much!

Stay BRAVE! Please don’t GIVE UP!

There’s always someone looking for the lighthouse… there’s always someone feeling lost and feeling like quitting… There’s always someone needing that beam of light… I am one of those and I am right behind you. I surely need you!

Thank you for continuing to let yourself shine. Thank you for letting your light shine so bright that it becomes unbearable for me to stay in the shadow.

Because of your light, a buried and numb desire awakened within me. Because of you, a deep longing, a burning fire, a yearning to discover the Truth of my own Self came to life. Your light pierces into the deepest depths of my being. Your light shakes my soul and my whole world is forever changed because of it.

Down on my knees and with tears streaming down my face, I pray for you walking ahead and I thank you for every time you fall and you get back up!

Overflowing with GRATITUDE, I Honour you and I Love you!

I’m right behind,

Teresa

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Share this letter with the Light Warriors who inspire you!
Who are the Light Warriors that you would like to thank to?




If you are a WOMAN and you would like to be part of an outstanding TRIBE of women from all over the world, ask to join Evolved Women Tribe. There you’ll also find a place for FUN, massive growth and evolvement, as well as SUPPORT in honouring the Divine Feminine.

No More Body Shame

It doesn’t matter how others see you! In the end what really matters is how you see yourself. It doesn’t matter how beautiful, intelligent or attractive others may find you. If you don’t see it or feel it yourself, in the end it is meaningless.


Once, in a retreat with my Buddhist Lama he asked “is the beauty in the flower or is the beauty in you?” I have been feeling into this for quite a while and I have been seeing how the image and judgement I hold of myself actually conditions my experience of others and the world. That’s such a debilitating filter to have!



I have always struggled with body image and weight issues and I’ve always judged myself really hard on that. No matter how many times my former partners would tell me I was beautiful, sexy, sensual… I have always struggled to take that in!

 

“How could they be so blind?”, I used to think. And many times, those compliments used to piss me off because I was forced to sit before my lack of self-love and I silently hated them for that. It was right there, crystal clear on my face… them… holding the mirror for me.

 

Beach pictures?! OMG! Those were always a nightmare. And if I ever dared to have one or another taken, I couldn’t put my eyes on them afterwards.

 

Last weekend was no exception. But this time, a more pure and authentic love was holding the mirror and I could do nothing else but SURRENDER… if I am actually REAL about this healing journey.

There we were, me and my 11-year-old kid, absolutely stunned by the beauty of the river, the blue sky, the warmth of winter sun, the boats, the seagulls, the sound of the distant stormy sea, kids laughing and playing… BLISS!

Usually I’m always the one behind the camera capturing these moments and having a blast doing it. Very occasionally I dare to ask to be photographed and last Saturday I did it. I have no idea what I was expecting to see in those pictures but without any surprise to me, I didn’t like them.

I kept looking at those pictures and I kept witnessing a cascade of judgmental thoughts rushing through my mind as I stared and stared… I kept staring and I began to crop them. Would I be able to find a way to be on those photos without “ruining” them? If I kept my upper body only maybe that should do it! Shit! Maybe not!

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And I found myself focusing on how much weight I have put on, how my belly stood out, how my comfy cotton yoga bra didn’t make my titties look sexy… and the list went on and on.

Why couldn’t they be as beautiful as I wanted them to be? Why the fuck couldn’t I fit into the beauty that was all around me? How come I had so much beauty inside to see the world beautiful but couldn’t see myself the same way?



And then… his sweet wise voice stopped me on my tracks! As he peeks over my shoulder to see what I was doing, he says: “Why are you cropping them? You’re ruining the pictures!”

OMG!!! He is so right! What am I teaching him with this behaviour? Can’t I just fully accept myself as I am RIGHT NOW? I am 46… when will that happen?!

And so I stopped! The cropping wasn’t saving either the pictures or me. Where else in life have I been cropping parts of myself? Let’s own this shit Teresa! What do you want your kid to grow up learning? Do you want your kid to grow up not loving himself or his body? Oh yes… I have also judged his body too. Not verbally! Not out loud! But I have silently judged his little belly that tends to show up too.

 

This has been on my mind since last Saturday and this morning, as I woke up and was getting ready for my yoga practise, I decided I would take some time to honour my body and hide no more. How fucking powerful is this body?! She was built to last! The scars are also a proof of that!

 

My body has endured giving life to two human beings and bringing them into the world through two painful and invasive caesareans. It has gone through the trauma of an epigastric hernia surgery… And what about all the unexpressed stuffed emotions it has had to deal with for ages? And what about all the anger trapped inside? What about all the judgement and making her look less than beautiful and perfect just the way she is? What about all the bad food choices and lack of exercise?

 

It’s because of this powerful body that I am allowed to FEEL DEEPLY!



As I stood there, honouring my body, pouring love onto my cells, my skin, my bones and my flesh, I dared to SEE myself as I asked for forgiveness. And what I saw was BEAUTIFUL!

I could fool myself into believing that I was being fully authentic and honouring my body by admitting the cropping of the pictures and showing you an original one (the only one that survived my frustration!). That surely would have been a big step too!

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But you know what'? I’ve had enough of this bullshit of body shaming myself!

So, knowing how creatively skilful I have become at deceiving myself after years of people pleasing, I want to DIVE right into the FEAR of being FULLY SEEN. Daring to dance with fear one more time, I want to step up my game and be COURAGEOUS to do what scares me right now. I want to shine a bright light on my body. I want to shine a light on SHAME that feeds off hiding and staying in the shadow.

 

My journey of honouring and loving my body starts today. And odds are that the true healing begins too.

 

If it was easy, SELF-LOVE wouldn’t be a REVOLUTIONARY act! Here’s to Self-Love Revolution!

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#HonourEveryBitOfYourProcess #EveryLittleStepMatters #SelfLoveRevolution #NoMoreBodyShame

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If you are a WOMAN and you would like to be part of an outstanding TRIBE of women from all over the world, ask to join Evolved Women Tribe. There you’ll also find a place for FUN, massive growth and evolvement, as well as SUPPORT in honoring the Divine Feminine.

Honour Every Step Of Your Process

Today I bring you my Banana Oatmeal Panckakes, which are not only healthy but also damn delicious. But actually, this isn’t a food post nor even a culinary blog.

So, you might be wondering why the heck I’m bringing these panckakes in here and sharing a recipe video with you. Or maybe not! Anyway... bear with me. There's a point to this!


Almost 3 years ago, when I started out Coaching and launching myself online as an international Life Coach, my phone had no internet (it was a Nokia Xpress Music - remember those?!) and later I bought my 1st (and only) android.


So, there I was, getting a hand on this whole new technology stuff and this website and blog were not even a project. At the time I had a male client who wanted to learn how to make these pancakes I do and I decided to give it a go, even though I didn't know how to put the video together. Knowing myself, I knew I would find a way! And I did find a way to put the different videos together.


OMG! Today, watching that video... oh man, it looks so... BASIC (for lack of a better word) 😂🤣
Free advertising, I guess … ;)


Here’s why I decided to share this video with you here (OMG, I’m actually doing this!). I have 3 reasons for doing it:

1) The Panckakes

They are healthy, so delicious and there's been lots of people asking me for the recipe. I always make them intuitively, so the VIDEO surely helps ;) (I hope!)

2) Courage

I want to DARE myself to be VULNERABLE and keep showing up AUTHENTIC!

Do I know better today? Sure! I not only know better but I also have different tools which allow me to make nicer videos. I have to admit that I was tempted to make one to post here ;)

And I also want you to know that there's a part of me that's TOTALLY NOT HAPPY about me sharing this AT ALL! 😂🤣 And that’s the reason I’m doing it anyway!


3) The Life Lesson

We all have to start somewhere and build it from there and many times, if not most of the times, BEGINNINGS don’t look neat or pretty or polished but it was that very first step which actually took you to where you are today.

So, remember… HONOUR EVERY MOMENT OF YOUR PROCESS!

Every Little Step Matters!

 

Like this article? Would anyone you know benefit from it? Share it!If you are a WOMAN and you would like to be part of an outstanding TRIBE of women from all over the world, ask to join Evolved Women Tribe. There you’ll also find a place for FUN, massive growth and evolvement, as well as SUPPORT in honoring the Divine Feminine.

Loving Soulful Code Of Conduct

I am a big fan of Iyanla Vanzant’s work which has stirred things up quite a bit for me. I have grown so much from reading her books and doing the work she invites us in.



At the moment I am working through her book “In The Meantime” and I have been doing deep inner work with it.



There’s a section in the book which she refers to as the “Loving Behaviour Reference” that I would like to share here with you. At a first glance it may seem just another list but if you take the time to sit with it, you may come to realise that this is QUITE a CHALLENGING list.

For me, I see it and I feel it as being more of a Loving Soulful Code Of Conduct.

Here it is, quoting her:


♥ Ask for exactly what you want.

♥ Tell the absolute truth about what you want.

♥ Clearly let others involved know your expectations of them.

♥ Ask for clarity about what is expected of you.

♥ Tell the absolute truth about your ability to live up to the expectations of others.

♥ Renegotiate any agreements you have made if you find that you’re unable to keep the agreement.

♥ Honor what you feel, first to yourself, then to others around you.

♥ Remain open to hearing what others want and expect without feeling you have to do anything about it.

♥ Never dishonor or deny yourself or what you feel simply to please someone else.

♥ Be willing to surrender (give up) what you want or expect when surrendering it serves a greater purpose, such as healing or generating more love.

♥ Be willing to forgive people for the things they do or fail to do in fear or anger.

♥ Be willing to forgive yourself for the things you do in fear or in anger.

♥ Bless every experience and ask that Divine will and understanding be granted to you and others.

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If you are a WOMAN and you would like to be part of an outstanding TRIBE of women from all over the world, ask to join Evolved Women Tribe. There you’ll also find a place for FUN, massive growth and evolvement, as well as SUPPORT in honoring the Divine Feminine.

Speak The F*ck Up

I have been doing a lot of personal work and lately I have been following Kyle Alan Cease.
I joined his community and in one of his videos he dared us to write down 5 traits we don't like about ourselves and record a video talking about it. We didn’t have to post or show the video to anyone. We could even delete it afterwards.

The idea was to find out what happens when we actually talk about what we don’t like about ourselves. What happens when we bring light into the darkest aspects of ourselves?

“Come up with 5 things I don't like about myself? EASY!!!”

Well, not only did it turn out to be harder than I thought to come up with those five, but I also found myself stuck in that process!

“Are these really THE ONES I don't like about myself?" No wonder!!!! One of the things that I don't like about myself is second guessing myself!!!! LOL

Today, since I would be on my own (at least so I thought! The ego has interesting ways to get in the way of our growth - watch the video and you’ll understand what I am talking about) I decided to sit with that assignment and record the video and see what would come up.

JUICY AF I must say!

Second guessing myself as a result of decades of people pleasing and mastering the art of fitting in (without even knowing it) was brought to the light in this raw video.

I guess this is me EVOLVING OUT LOUD!

I then decided that posting this video to the public would be a huge step forward in facing the FEAR of being fully authentic. There’s always a big fear of what my family will think or say about me, crying in a video out into the public.

Chances are they’ll think I’m crazy! But you know what?! I’m NOT CRAZY!!!

I AM READY!!!! I AM F*CKING READY!!!

After all the release you can witness in the video below, I sat down and here’s the INSIGHT I got from all that time talking to/with myself:

If I don’t pay close attention and fully connect to the truth of who I am, the fact that I have been doing this work for a while and that I’ve been stepping into my butterflyness can actually be an excuse for the ego to judge myself.

This actually reminds me of a moment I heard Kyle Cease showing how the ego would take turns in showing up as the solution to the problem it created in the 1st place, judging its previous manifestation, almost as if peeling off skin and pretending to be another "entity", one after the other…

”How can that be?”, you may be asking yourself. Here’s how I see it:

Awakening and becoming aware of the Truth, of how this whole reality works and knowing nothing has any meaning except the meaning I give to it, the ego can easily keep me stuck under the illusion that tapping into feeling all these human emotions is nothing but a waste of time.


And from my experience, that’s not the way to actually heal and integrate whatever might need to be healed. We need to ALLOW and HONOUR the emotion, create a loving space for that to be expressed, fully SEE and ACCEPT it for what it is.

So... here's my COMMITMENT for this 2019 and for the rest of my life:

1 - SPEAK UP about my feelings;

2 - HONOUR my emotions has a manifestation of my HUMAN EXPERIENCE;

3 - CREATE SPACE to whatever may be showing up in my life, either in my inner or outer world;

4 - NURTURE my childlike CURIOSITY;

5 - DARE to be 5% MORE AUTHENTIC every step of the way until it becomes who I am (and if it doesn't, be ok with that too);

6 - LOVE MYSELF, treat myself with KINDNESS and COMPASSION (no different from what I would do to a puppy or a baby).

So, here’s my dare to you!

Grab a piece of paper and write down 5 traits you don’t like about yourself! Then, get your phone and record a video of you talking about it. If you want, you can pick one of the five and talk about that one.

Aren’t you curious to see what happens when you TALK about it? Aren’t you curious to find out what happens when you bring light into that shadow?

Of course you don’t have to share that video with anyone. You can even delete it afterwards.

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If you are a WOMAN and you would like to be part of an outstanding TRIBE of women from all over the world, ask to join Evolved Women Tribe . There you’ll also find a place for massive growth and evolvement, as well as honoring the Divine Feminine.

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Surrender Into Trust

I want to share with you how SURRENDER into TRUST has been playing in my life.
Only now am I able to be aware of how a decision I made 2 years ago shaped my life and that’s the reason I am ready to share it with you now.

 

Being someone who feels deeply called to serve and who has contribution as one of my top needs, I made the decision to embrace a very specific role a while ago. I am talking about my role as God’s Puppet. That’s right… God’s Puppet! After all, this life is God’s show, right? And by God, I mean Source, Consciousness, Universe, Spirit… (feel free to choose a word that works for you).  


Let me start by telling you that when I deeply felt the calling into that role for the first time, the ego in me hated it. Totally hated it! I mean, it really hated it! “What do you mean god’s puppet?”, “Who wants to be a puppet?”, “That’s such a loser role to have in life!”, “You’ll never be free as you so much desire” …

When I decided I would embrace the role of being God’s Puppet about 2 years ago and that I would really love to play with that idea, I knew nothing about what that meant. Honestly, I didn’t! I only knew it felt right! It felt so right! And so damn scary at the same time.

 

I really didn’t know what I was getting myself into. What happens is that I had just come back from Date with Destiny with Tony Robbins and Faith was the value at the top of my list and I was willing to go for it.  A lot was happening in my life and many changes were taking place. And even if it was for this one time, I was willing to pay the price to honour a deeper truth in me.

 

Would I dare to trust my own intuition?
Yes, I would! And … Yes, I did!

 

At the time I wasn’t aware that I would have to get out of the way many times, if not most of the times. And by “I” I mean the ego part of me that was so damn unpleased with my decision. But again… what else was there to expect considering the ego’s resistance, right?

 

The ego wanted me to believe that role was the opposite of what I really wanted, telling me a bunch of stories of how that was a weak place to be and how that was for losers. Well, it may seem so in the beginning and I see how me surrendering into that idea actually meant the weakening of the ego.

Embodying the role of God’s Puppet isn’t a piece of cake. Not at all!!! I see how challenging it is and how it’s quite the opposite of what the ego was trying to convey to me.

So, what is this role about? What does it mean to be God’s Puppet?


Being God’s Puppet to me means showing up fully open to whatever this Higher Intelligence is trying to run through me, is trying to make happen through me. And for this to happen, more and more I need to step into the most authentic version of myself, getting rid of old stories, old beliefs and misunderstandings.

Being God’s Puppet means accepting, not resisting, relaxing, allowing. It means being ok with not knowing, being present in the now, being willing to make mistakes. It means being ok with resisting and fall off track at being God’s Puppet once you make the decision to accept that as your mission. It means being compassionate with yourself and others. It means daring to have childlike faith and curiosity again, allowing myself to be surprised.

It means practising accepting and being familiar with change.

Actually, being God’s puppet means that I am surrendering into the not knowing, that I am strengthening the belief that everything is already perfect. It means to be willing to let the stories and ideas about myself disappear.

It means I am willing to let the illusion of who I think I am die!

I become aware of the ego’s panic attacks as I surrender more and more into being fully guided, and allow myself to be in awe at the perfection and wonders of this mysterious and abundant universe we live in.


Can you imagine what a show it would be if I decided I wanted to walk and God had planning some dancing for me? That would be a very funny disastrous show to watch, don’t you think so?

And the issue is not so much about the disastrous show that we could all laugh about. After all, laughing is such a great medicine! It’s more about how much effort I would really be putting at walking, having God moving me to dance. That would be like swimming up the stream, instead of allowing the stream to take me.



Well, I believe that’s what happens with us many times when we resist whatever is that life is bringing our way. That’s what happens every time we insist on creating goals that really don’t serve us or don’t align with our truth and really limit us to walking instead of dancing.



So, where are you resisting life?

Me at Date with Destiny (Florida, US) as I was moving towards this decision.

Me at Date with Destiny (Florida, US) as I was moving towards this decision.

If you are a WOMAN and you would like to be part of an outstanding TRIBE of women from all over the world, ask to join Evolved Women Tribe . There you’ll also find a place for massive growth and evolvement, as well as honoring the Divine Feminine.

What if messing up is succeeding?

If you are any little bit like me, my guess is that you find yourself over and over again coming back to a place you thought you had already mastered and you wouldn’t be messing up that one again. It can be a relationship, body issues, eating habits… actually it can be anything. And then you beat yourself up and get caught in the net of the unproductive why can’t I-will-take-you-nowhere mantra.

Does this ever happen to you? I know it does happen to me.

In life, many many times we don't get things right either on the 1st round, or the 2nd or even the 3rd or ... (ok, enough! You know what I mean, right?!). We mess up and we mess up like pros! Or maybe not!!!!

What if we aren’t really messing up? What if we are indeed succeeding?

Life is like flying an airplane. Did you know that a plane is off course over 90% of the time? Due to weather conditions, turbulence, and other factors it gets off track and it is the pilot who makes course corrections and keeps coming back to the flight plan, bringing the plane back on course. The same happens with our lives.

If we see every instant of life as an opportunity to grow instead of beating ourselves up thinking we failed; if we see every challenge life throws at us as a chance to upgrade ourselves instead of dumping a whole bunch of shitty judgements all over ourselves; if we can take a setback as a moment to make course corrections when we find ourselves off track, then we may discover that life is not about Balance but instead it is about BALANCING.

 

Life is dynamic, not static. Life is change, not permanence. Life is a VERB, not a noun.  

 

This version of me wouldn't be possible without the former version of me. And neither of them is better or worse than the other... they build on each other as we step into the greater version of ourselves, as we remove the excess of the marble until the final master piece we already are is revealed to us.

 

We are not a masterpiece in the making. We are a masterpiece in the unfolding!

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If you are a WOMAN and you would like to be part of an outstanding TRIBE of women from all over the world, ask to join Evolved Women Tribe . There you’ll also find a place for massive growth and evolvement, as well as honoring the Divine Feminine.

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I Pray, I Meditate, I do Yoga and I say Fuck

I remember when I started doing yoga and meditating, sometimes HE would come to me and say "so much yoga and meditation and after all you're still... (fill in with a judgment)".

You know, it wasn't about him. That had everything to do with ME. I was the one who in secret and silence would go over judging myself hard. I was always on trial and I got to be the judge and the defendant. 


I was the one blaming MYSELF for doing all those things and still feeling I was failing. You see, I knew I wasn't perfect but I thought I had to become such! I thought that all those Buddhist practises and retreats and Tony Robbins seminars and all the MindValley’s courses would turn me into a perfect person. 

  

The day I knew that was way FAR from being the purpose of this, things started to shift massively and I signed myself up to the most AUTHENTIC and LOVING adventure I could never have imagined enrolling myself into — one of SELF-LOVE and SELF-ACCEPTANCE!

 

Well, it took us many tries, many falls and many knee injuries to learn to master the science of walking, right? So, why take ourselves so seriously and be so harsh on ourselves in this adventure of being a human being? 

 

Yes, I pray!

Yes, I meditate!

Yes, I do yoga!

And yes, I say F*ck (boy, it felt good writing this!) and I can be and I am a b*tch sometimes!

 

And isn't it wonderful that ... ( I got interrupted by the ego — “Hold it right there, lady!!!! Stop right there!!! Don't do it!! Don't you dare saying it!!!" )

As I was saying... and isn't it wonderful that I get to experience such a vast variety of states and emotions?!

( The ego again — "hey b*tch, what did you just say?! WTF?? Did I just see you admit the possibility of enjoying all this human experience??!! That's it folks, she is losing it! Can someone get her a lifejacket, please?" )

  — Love you too, ego.

 

Back to what I was saying… Does that mean I like all of them? Does that mean I like being sad, or anxious, or angry? HELL NO!!! But can I just become curious and amazed at the fact that I am capable of experiencing so many different emotions?



Do you know what happened when I began to ask myself this question? This curiosity has opened space for me to start relaxing in the fight I used to engage while resisting those “negative” emotions and I am begining to accept and acknowledge them more and more.

 

Can you imagine if you would press MUTE in the judge headquarters loudspeaker? I wonder what that would do for you and what that could change in your life! 

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Cover Photo Credit: Inspiring Badass Kim Bao

Letter To The Ego

Dear ego,


I know that there's more to me than the I/eye can see.


I am done fighting you. I am done arguing with you. I am tired of all those stories that you keep playing in my head over and over like a f*cking old broken cassette. I am tired of all the lies you whisper in secret and you always want me to believe in.


I am tired and I will fight you no more! And if I ever do, I won't bother much about it either. Fighting you or bothering about it would be a waste of time and that would just keep me busy and distracted while imprisoned inside your trap.


You're so damn good at this sh*t!!! I give you credit for that. Ego, you're a badass at being you.


So, watch me LOVE the crap out of you while I dare to go BEYOND you, BEYOND myself, BEYOND words, BEYOND emotions, BEYOND and BEYOND, dissolving myself into the formless & ONENESS of consciousness.


And just so you know, I don't even need to know what that actually means and what that actually looks like. RELAX! I mean it. I don't! I don't need to know! YOU need to know. I don't! I really don't!


I know I am not only functional but also limited with your existence and deceiving myself to wanting to explain or understand what dissolving into consciousness would actually mean… that would just be foolish of me and falling into one more of your traps.


I am now allowing myself to fully and deeply SURRENDER to the experience of BEING and that... that cannot be explained! That... that cannot be understood! That... that can only be EXPERIENCED!

 

I AM READY! I am coming home!

Tadyata Gate Gate Paragate Parasamgate Bodhi Soha.

Bodhi Soha


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If you are a WOMAN and you would like to be part of an outstanding TRIBE of women from all over the world, ask to join Evolved Women Tribe . There you’ll also find a place for massive growth and evolvement, as well as honoring the Divine Feminine.